Tuesday, 7 January 2020

Grimsby (4½ Stars)


Sadly, the scene shown above with Gabourey Sidibe and a herd of elephants was cut from the film. As far as I know, it was in the version that was shown to pre-release test audiences, but it was removed from the theatrical release, and even on the Blu-ray it's only included as one of the deleted scenes. I'd like to see it in the film, because it's a very emotional scene, but maybe that's the reason it was cut. The scene might not have been considered funny enough. Or maybe it was considered too offensive that Gabourey was yelling "I dream of Grimsby" while an elephant was taking a shit behind her.


Maybe this picture would look better as an animated GIF. That's a treat I can prepare for my readers the next time I watch "Grimsby".


Here's some elephant porn, in case any of my readers get off on things like that.


Today is the first time I've watched the film since seeing it in the cinema four years ago. I'd forgotten just how funny it is. I was sitting in my room laughing out loud. As I remember, in the cinema I felt disgusted by the scene where Mark Strong was being gang banged by elephants, but even that scene made me laugh today. And the answer is No, I'm not going to publish any pictures of it. You need to watch the scene for yourself. It's beyond good and evil.


The film's glamour is provided by Rebel Wilson. She's a woman with class. In an interview she said that Sacha Baron Cohen rang her personally to ask her to play his wife in the film. He said they would have to have sex first to see if they're compatible. That probably never happened, because Sacha's real life wife, Isla Fisher, also appears in the film. She has to watch him carefully when women like Rebel are involved. I'd be tempted as well.


"Back off, Isla, I'm gonna take your man!"


Sacha Baron Cohen and Mark Strong are the perfect comedy double. Sacha is the funny man while Mark is the straight guy. I admit that Mark doesn't look so serious in this screenshot, but come on, it's football! Football fans can paint their faces and still remain serious!


There's a much publicised nude scene with Rebel Wilson – she runs naked across a football pitch – but don't get too excited. It's not her. A body double is used in the scene. So there's another woman with a body like Rebel Wilson? I want to meet her.

"Grimsby" unashamedly plagiarises other films, such as "Hardcore Henry" and "Kingsman", but that doesn't detract from the quality in the least. The action sequences serve as the perfect contrast to the comedy.

Here are a few more photos of Rebel Wilson to make my readers happy.






P. S. The last photo isn't Rebel Wilson.


When I see pictures like this I wish I'd become a film star. But then I remember that Sacha's wife is watching, so he has to remain calm and think about football. And if I were unlucky, I'd be gang banged by elephants as well. No, I'm glad I was never a film star.

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Saturday, 4 January 2020

Marvel Years 11.03 - March 1971


Captain America and the Falcon #135

Title: More Monster Than Man!

Writer: Stan Lee
Artist: Gene Colan

Villain: Giant Gorilla (Dr. Erik Gorbo)

Regulars: Nick Fury, Dum Dum Dugan, Sharon Carter


Captain America introduces the Falcon to Nick Fury. To test his powers he's instructed to knock Dum Dum Dugan off his feet within 60 seconds, which he barely manages.

A SHIELD scientist called Dr. Erik Gorbo has invented a serum that transforms his body into that of a giant gorilla. He also gains the power to control animals. After going on a crime spree, Captain and the Falcon track him down. Captain America and the ape collapse into a large hole in the ground.




Amazing Spider-Man #94

Title: On Wings of Death

Writer: Stan Lee
Artist: John Romita

Villain: Beetle

Regulars: Aunt May, Anna Watson, J. Jonah Jameson, Betty Brant


After Gwen Stacy leaves to live in England, Peter Parker walks around the city brooding. He remembers how he first became Spider-Man. He bumps into Betty Brant, which reminds him that she was his first love.


It's easy to name the villains in this picture. As for adding another five villains, it's not so easy. I came up with three names immediately, but I had to sit for a few minutes until I remembered another two. Try it yourself. If you're a big Spider-Man fan, you should be able to remember five other villains, but how fast are you? I didn't time myself, but it must have been close to five minutes.

The Beetle takes Aunt May as a hostage while committing a robbery. Spider-Man defeats the Beetle and rescues her, but he's shocked to see that she fears Spider-Man just as much as the Beetle.

Spider-Man battled the Beetle once before in Amazing Spider-Man #21, but we've seen him more recently in other comics, for instance in Daredevil #34.




Fantastic Four #108

Title: The Monstrous Mystery of the Nega-Man!

Writer: Stan Lee
Artist: Jack Kirby

Fantastic Four: Reed Richards, Susan Richards, Ben Grimm, Johnny Storm

Villain: Janus/Nega-Man, Annihilus


This story is a curiosity. It should have appeared in Fantastic Four #102, but Stan Lee rejected it because he wasn't happy with Jack Kirby's artwork. That should have been the end of it. The inadequate artwork should have been thrown in the trash and forgotten forever. Instead of that, Stan Lee decided to have the story partly redrawn by John Buscema and John Romita, with slight rewriting by himself. Maybe this was to cash in on Jack Kirby's new popularity at DC?

Even in its adapted form, the story is a mess. We find out that the Fantastic Four have previously battled Janus, when he called himself the Nega-Man. A flashback to an untold story is a poor plot device.

Reed Richards wants to fetch Janus back from the Negative Zone, but before he can do this, he sees Annihilus approaching the door to the Baxter Building.




Thor #186

Title: In the Grip of Infinity!

Writer: Stan Lee
Artist: John Buscema

Villain: Infinity, Hela

Regulars: Odin, Sif, Balder, Heimdall, Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg


Odin briefly interrupts his battle with Infinity to protect Donald Blake from the Guardian's attack until his hammer returns. This gives him the chance to become Thor again.

Thor battles and defeats the Guardian, but every time the Guardian collapses, Infinity revives him to fight again.

In Asgard, the entranced Warriors Three attempt to pull the Odinsword from its scabbard and have to be restrained by other Asgardian warriors.

Thor blocks the Guardian from Infinity's power, and goes to assist his father. He wants to attack the Silent One, but Odin forbids it.

The Silent One leaves, beckoning Thor to follow him. He guides Thor into Hela's realm. We last saw Hela in Thor #154, and it was never clear whether she's evil or not. It would be more accurate to say that as the Goddess of Death she's above good and evil. She tells Thor that he has to die, but Thor refuses. Hela casts a spell, making Thor rapidly age. The Silent One takes pity on him and touches him, reversing the spell and killing himself in the process.

Thor flies to assist his father once more, but when he arrives he finds that Odin is possessed and wants to kill him.

The splash page say that this is possibly the greatest saga in the Marvel age. I don't know whether that's true, but it's definitely the best story this month, and one of Stan Lee's best sagas. It's amazing how much happens within 19 pages. You have to read it twice to take it all in. Or more often. I'll probably read it again soon.




The Avengers #86

Title: Brain-Child to the Dark Tower came!

Writer: Roy Thomas
Artist: Sal Buscema

Avengers: Goliath, Vision, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Thor, Black Panther, Iron Man

Squadron Supreme: Nighthawk, Doctor Spectrum, Hyperion, Whizzer, Lady Lark (flashback), Hawkeye (flashback), Tom Thumb (flashback), American Eagle (flashback)

Villain: Brain-Child (Arnold Sutton)


This is the conclusion of the two-part meeting between the Avengers and the Justice League of America. Oops! I meant the Squadron Supreme.

Nighthawk brings the four Avengers to the location where Doctor Spectrum is about to launch a rocket that will orbit the Sun. He's the last one to get out of the plane. Maybe his cape got stuck in the door? Whatever the reason, it gives the Avengers a few minutes for a fight with Doctor Spectrum, Hyperion and Whizzer, before Nighthawk finally arrives and tells them to break it up.

Vision questions how a rocket orbiting the Sun could cause such damage. Doctor Spectrum says that the rocket was designed by Arnold Sutton, a 10-year-scientist nicknamed Brain-Child. The Avengers and the Squadron Supreme fly to his island headquarters, and he admits that the rocket is made out of a special metal which will trigger a super-nova effect in the Sun.

The eight heroes fight against Brain-Child, but only Goliath is able to defeat him, using a makeshift arrow.

Doctor Spectrum transforms Brain-Child into a normal boy, and the Avengers are transported back to their own world by Thor's hammer... not a moment too soon.




The Incredible Hulk #137

Title: The Stars, Mine Enemy!

Writer: Roy Thomas
Artist: Herb Trimpe

Villain: Xeron, Klaatu, Abomination


I've been enjoying Herb Trimpe's artwork for months, but his drawing in this issue is outstanding, even for him.

Xeron breaks up the fight between the Hulk and the Abomination. He knocks the Hulk unconscious with something that looks like a cattle prod. The Hulk is persuaded to become an oarsman on the starship, since there is nowhere for him to escape to.

After a few days, maybe weeks, the Abomination sneaks up on the Hulk and throws him overboard. He's brought back on board, and he's taken to meet the ship's captain, Cybor. He explains that he's been determined to capture Klaatu ever since Klaatu injured him and forced him to become a cyborg being.

Soon after this, Klaatu leaves the Earth and flies into space. Cybor ensnares him with a harpoon, but he's pulled onto his back, and the two of them plunge into the Sun where they die. Seemingly. The Abomination and the Hulk fall off the ship, locked in battle with one another. They both fall to the Earth.

This story is so Moby-Dick-ish that Roy Thomas could be charged with plagiarism.




Sub-Mariner #35

Title: Titans Three!

Writer: Roy Thomas
Artist: Sal Buscema

Villain: soldiers

Regulars: Dorma

Guests: Hulk, Silver Surfer, Avengers (Thor, Iron Man, Goliath, Captain America, Black Panther, Vision, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch)


Sub-Mariner, Hulk and Silver Surfer fly to the Caribbean island where the weather manipulating device is about to begin operation. The United Nations soldiers are unable to stop them, so the Avengers are summoned. Only three of the Avengers are available: Thor, Iron Man and Goliath.

Namor wants to discuss with the Avengers, but the Hulk doesn't like to talk. He attacks them first.

While the fight is continuing, the Atlantean scientist Iktheon proves to the onlooking soldiers that the weather control device is dangerous. The battle is halted, and the device will not be used.


Stan Lee offers a word to the wise, that nobody should waste time trying to correlate this tale with the current Avengers issue. I don't consider myself wise, so I looked into it anyway. Captain America hasn't been a regular member of the Avengers for almost a year, but he's been appearing so often that it's not a problem to see him at a meeting. This story takes place soon after this month's Avengers issue. It's that easy to explain. The only problem is the correlation with the Hulk's solo comic, which I discussed last month.




Daredevil #74

Title: In the Country of the Blind!

Writer: Gerry Conway
Artist: Gene Colan

Villain: Smasher (gang leader)

Regulars: Foggy Nelson


Foggy Nelson visits Matt Murdock and complains that he's gone blind. As they leave together, it's discovered that a large number of people in New York have lost their eyesight. A doctor tells Foggy that it's psychological, the result of stress, but it's obvious to Matt that something serious is happening for it to affect so many people at once.

Within 24 hours, all the inhabitants of New York City are blind. A gang led by a man called Smasher is robbing jewellery stores and similar establishments. They have used a chemical to cause temporary blindness. Daredevil defeats the gang. Within two days everybody can see again.

This is the first issue of Daredevil plotted and written by Gerry Conway. It's a fast-moving action story, but it has no emotional depth. Very little thought has been put into the story. What about all the other heroes in the city? They should have been involved as well. The story is a flop.




Iron Man #35

Note: I included the review of this issue in my February 1971 post because of discrepancies in the release months of a crossover story.




Amazing Adventures #5


Title: His Brother's Keeper!

Writer: Roy Thomas
Artist: Neal Adams

Inhumans: Black Bolt, Medusa, Gorgon, Karnak, Triton

Villain: Maximus

Black Bolt flies from the Great Refuge to a place called only "The City". It's obviously an American city, but it's not obvious which city it is. Maybe it's not named because it's not relevant to the story. My assumption is that it's not New York City, because that's a city that would have been named. Maybe I'm wrong.

He leaves behind his brother Maximus in a sealed casket. Gorgon and Karnak fear that Black Bolt has broken his oath never to kill another Inhuman, so they sneak to the casket at night to break it open and take a look. After all, Maximus is one of the few Inhumans who has no powers, so it can do no harm. Unknown to them, Maximus' latent Inhuman power has finally revealed itself, so Black Bolt has sealed him in a casket to prevent him using it. Couldn't Black Bolt have told them? Maximus now has the power to block the memories of anyone anywhere on Earth. As soon as the casket is unsealed, he removes Black Bolt's memory.

Black Bolt has just rescued a young boy from a gang. He collapses when Maximus attacks him from afar. When he stands up he has no idea who he is, and he's in danger of speaking.




Title: And to all a good night

Writer: Roy Thomas
Artist: Gene Colan

Villain: Astrologer

Regulars: Ivan

The Black Widow's chauffeur Ivan rescues a teenager who's about to leap from a bridge.

Back at her apartment, the teenager tells his story. He was a penniless young man who moved to New York City from Utah. He joined a gang of teenagers who were led by someone called the Astrologer. They felt like idealists. They stole from the rich to give to the poor... themselves.

One day the Astrologer said they would steal the city's blood supply and sell it back to the hospitals. The teenager felt this was immoral and didn't want to take part in the theft, but he wasn't willing to tell the police about his friends, so he decided to take his own life as an alternative.

The Astrologer's gang comes to the Black Widow's apartment to collect the boy. She is successful in fighting them off, but the teenager jumps off the roof, so that she doesn't have to protect him any more.




Ka-Zar #3


Title: In the Den of the Dazzler!

Writer: Jerry Siegel
Artist: George Tuska

Villain: The Dazzler

Regulars: Agent Duncan, Candy Southern

The main stories in this issue are once more reprints, but there's a backup story featuring the Angel, continued from the last issue.

The Dazzler remotely kills his men who were captured by the Angel last issue to stop them talking.

The Dazzler teleports Warren Worthington III to his lair, not knowing that he's the Angel. He puts on his costume and escapes from his prison and faces the Dazzler and his men. He ceases to fight when he sees that Candy Southern is being held prisoner. The Dazzler prepares to unmask him.



Here's a very special message from Stan Lee on this month's Bullpen Bulletin page. It highlights his views on racism and intolerance. Read it first, then read my comments on it, then read it again.


Many of you might read this text and say, "So what? We already knew that Stan Lee is tolerant". However, try to remember the context of his words. He's not talking about sharing his creations with just anyone, he's talking about sharing them with Japan. The year was 1971, less than 30 years after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Japan was the last country to have attacked America, and it was still fresh in American enemies. Stan Lee open-heartedly embraces the Japanese, the race that the Americans had the most reason to hate. He rises up above bigotry and hatred.

"Long may we dwell here together!"



Other comics published this month:

My Love #10 (Stan Lee, John Buscema)
Rawhide Kid #85 (Larry Lieber, Larry Lieber)
Creatures on the Loose #10 (Roy Thomas, Bernie Wrightson)

Note that the comic previously called Tomb Of Shadows has been renamed Creatures On The Loose. It's still a mix of new and reprinted anthology stories.

Friday, 3 January 2020

Word of the Day: CARP


The word of the day is CARP. No, I didn't spell that wrong. It's a fish.


Bus fares have remained the same in Birmingham this year, but to make up for it the tickets are smaller. Last year they were five inches long, this year four inches. Does size matter? Ask Ivy.

Thursday, 2 January 2020

Off-Topic: Legoland Birmingham


Today I paid my first visit to the Legoland Discovery Centre in Birmingham. Most people call it Legoland Birmingham, or simply Legoland, so I'll stick to those simplified names. It opened last year in June, and I was overwhelmed. I was accompanied by my grandson Oliver, but even though it's set out for children, I probably enjoyed it more than he did.

What won me over was that the main exhibition is Birmingham-specific. All of Birmingham's main landmarks, easily recognisable by anyone who knows the city, have been faithfully recreated. Okay, they've all been pushed together, so they're not in the correct relation to one another, but each individual building is remarkably accurate. The lighting in the room switches from daytime to nighttime every few minutes, and it's spectacular how the exhibits remain beautiful in any lighting.


For instance, this is the Electric cinema by day...


and this is the Electric by night. Note that it's standing in front of Grand Central Station.


And who doesn't recognise this architectural monstrosity?


There's an amazing replica of a Black Sabbath concert. It's the original 1970's line up. What else? Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler and Bill Ward formed the greatest heavy metal group that has ever existed.


However, my greatest pleasure was a conversation with the Master Builder Michelle Thompson, who I saw working in her office. I only knocked on her window to ask if she minded me taking a few photos of her, but this led to a long and fascinating conversation. She isn't responsible for the Birmingham landmarks, because they were built by a team of nine women before the centre opened. She was hired as the Master Builder (or rather Mistress Builder) shortly before the opening, and she's been creating everything since, in particular the seasonal exhibits. She's currently working on creations for the Chinese New Year, which will be put on display in mid January. I'm sad that I shan't be there to see them.


What a fantastic job! Sitting and building with Lego all day! She was picked out of 2000 job applicants, so she must have outstanding ability. She told me that she creates smaller pieces ad hoc, but she designs larger buildings on paper. I'm sure that it's hard work and she often has to meet tight deadlines, but when your work involves creating pieces of art, there must be a wonderful feeling of satisfaction when you go home at the end of the day.

Everything is awesome!

Wednesday, 1 January 2020

Cats (3 Stars)


This is my first film of 2020, which automatically makes it the best film of the year so far. Or the worst film. It depends on how you look at it. Three years ago I began to keep a running list of my top 10 films of the year, so I wouldn't have to panic when the last week of the year arrived. That also means that as soon as I've watched my first 10 films of the year – an easy feat for January – I'll already have a top 10 list ready to publish if the worst happens and I'm bedridden for the rest of the year.

The film follows the adventures of Victoria, a cat who's abandoned on the streets of London near Trafalgar Square. She's a kind-hearted innocent cat who only wants to be loved. She comes into contact with the Jellicle tribe of cats, who follow a matriarch called Old Deuteronomy. Once a year she picks one member of the tribe to ascend into a new life. Wow! That's an extravagant clash of fairy tales and religious symbolism.

It's a magical version of London, recognisable but somehow mystical. The whole story takes place in one night.

Having said that, this is a film which has several outstanding features, but also several poor qualities, giving it an overall average rating. On the plus side, the dancing is excellent, especially the tap dancing scenes. It was the right decision to pick a ballet dancer, Francesca Hayward, for the lead role instead of an actress. That was the mistake made in the unjustly praised musical "La La Land".

On the minus side, the character of the film's villain, Macavity, is totally bland. I don't blame Idris Elba, because I consider him one of the best actors alive today. I blame his lack of characterisation in the film's script. We hardly see him, and we're given no chance to sympathise with him. Is it possible that his role was shortened in the film? I can't imagine that the musical itself could have been written so poorly.

Most of the songs were enjoyable, but I was somehow disappointed with Jennifer Hudson. I've liked her as a singer ever since I saw her in "Dreamgirls", but in "Cats" she doesn't unleash her full potential.

One problem that I have personally is the portrayal of the tomcats. Watching the female cats walking in a slinky, feline manner was almost arousing, but seeing the males walk in the same feminine way was distasteful. I'm too heterosexual to enjoy something like that.

For the last few weeks I've been reading bad reviews about the film, but I still had to see it. I like musicals, and I like Rebel Wilson (who plays a medium-sized role). If I hadn't gone to see it I would have been left burning with curiosity. I wouldn't call it a bad film, but I don't want to watch it again.

TV Series: Masha and the Bear


Happy New Year to all my readers, whether you're sporadic visitors or regular followers of everything I write. 2020 is the 10th year of my blog's existence, and I hope it will be the year in which I finally reach one million pageviews. It's 914,638 at the time of writing this post. Maybe I should start adding the count to each post. Or maybe not. I don't want to be tempted into inserting clickbait just to boost my reader figures.

This morning I woke up and walked into the living room to find my three-year-old grandson Oliver glued to the television. He was watching "Masha and the Bear", a famous Russian cartoon series. Random episodes are available on YouTube, while Netflix contains the official (but incomplete) English language version of the series.

This is the best animated children's series that I've ever seen. It's far better than anything created in the English language today, and in my opinion it's even better than the Hanna-Barbera Tom & Jerry cartoons made from 1940 to 1958. Each episode lasts seven minutes, although Netflix has connected them into groups of three for the English release.


The main characters are a small girl called Masha and an unnamed bear. Masha's age is never stated. She looks like an older pre-school child, five or six years old, but her height is very small, no taller than a one-year-old. Her intelligence and precociousness are those of an older child, maybe 11. Masha lives alone in a cabin by the railway with her pets, a dog, a pig and a goat. The bear is her best friend, and she calls him Bear. She spends almost all of her time at his house.


The bear is a retired circus performer who has human traits, although he can't speak. In fact, Masha is the only character in the series who speaks. He's a loner who enjoys his solitary life in a cabin in the woods. Mostly he values Masha's company, but sometimes he's annoyed by her constant playfulness and wants to get rid of her.

There's a small cast of regular characters. There's a bunny who steals the bear's carrots, squirrels, hedgehogs and two wolves who live on a hill in an abandoned ambulance. Sporadic visitors are a panda, a female bear and an aggressive brown bear. The bear's best friend is a tiger named Whiskas, who also performed in the same circus.


The series is so good that I feel tempted to write small reviews of each episode. At the very least I'll publish a couple of screenshots from each episode. It depends on whether I have enough time. I have so many other big plans for my blog, I can't possibly keep up.