The Matrix (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #5

Made in 1999, "The Matrix" is a film that's revolutionised films, and not just science fiction films. The mixture of virtual reality, kung fu action and the bullet time cinematography has wowed audiences and critics alike.

The story isn't completely original. In 1984 "Terminator" had already predicted a world run by machines. The difference is in the application of the story. The machines in "Terminator" seek to eliminate the human race, apart from a select few who're required to work for them. The machines in "The Matrix" have put all of mankind into a virtual trance, a dream state. Mankind is enslaved, but doesn't know it. Only those who are particularly perceptive have a feeling that something is wrong with the world. It's not the real world at all, it's a computer simulation called the Matrix.

The film is full of religious imagery. Keanu Reeves plays Thomas Anderson, a computer hacker who uses to code name Neo. An ancient prophecy exists that a man will come who will save mankind from the machines. Neo is told that he is the One.

It's not so much religious imagery as religious hints. Neo is contacted by a mysterious woman called Trinity. He's told that the last free city on Earth is called Zion.

But before you think that it's only Biblical imagery, the prophecies are delivered by an Oracle. That's a name given to women who gave messages from the Greek Gods.

The film has a green tint throughout. When you watch it you might not notice it at first, because your eyes adjust to the greenness. It's just like the people in the Matrix who've grown used to what they see.

Even though Keanu Reeves plays the main character, I think the character who carries the film is Laurence Fishburne as Morpheus. He's the captain of the ship Nebuchadnezzar, but he plays a significant role because of a prophecy given him by the Oracle: he's been told that he would discover the One. How he recognises Neo as the One isn't stated, but he's so convinced that Neo is the Saviour that he's willing to sacrifice his life to save him.

One other way that "The Matrix" revolutionised cinema was the viewing habits. The first DVDs were on the market in 1996, but the advanced cinematography in "The Matrix" made it the film that encouraged people to buy their first DVD player.

Simply put, this is one of the best films ever made. It's a film that enthralls people who don't usually like science fiction films. It's a masterpiece. I feel like my short review doesn't do it justice.

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Sex Dream Report (3½ Stars)

This is a German erotic comedy that was released in 1973. It was directed by Walter Boos, who's best known for directing the Schoolgirl Report films. This film follows a similar pattern of short stories separated by interviews on the street. Dr. Heinz Kahlbaum is gathering material for a book on sexual dreams. Together with his assistant Gisela he's standing at Karlsplatz in Munich asking passers by about their dreams. Most of the people he asks refuse to answer, but there are five vignettes based on the replies he receives.

1. The first person to give a detailed answer is the bus driver Willi Wasmuth, played by Josef Moosholzer. He's 35, and his wife Erna is 30. By all accounts, he's an unpleasant person. When he gets home from work he orders his wife to fetch him a beer. No please or thank you. Then he falls asleep in front of the television. He dreams that the weather girl strips naked and seduces him. His wife is so beautiful that I don't understand why he prefers dreams to reality.

2. The second man who answers is Max Gickes, a sculptor. He says that he dreams of owning a harem. Four sexy dancing girls take turns having sex with him, while a fifth fans him to keep him cool. Gisela finds the dream strange, but Dr. Kahlbaum tells her it's a typical male fantasy. Then Max tells them that the dream is based on his real life. He shares an apartment with four women. He sleeps with Anna on Monday, Betty on Tuesday, Cecilia on Wednesday and Daisy on Thursday. This wears him out, so he goes home to his wife for the other three days. Obviously Max doesn't know the difference between truth and fantasy.

3. Another man who gets dreams mixed up with reality is Dieter Haberkorn, a travel agent. Every day he gets a parking ticket from the beautiful traffic warden Monika, played by Ulrike Butz. He tells her that they've had a relationship, but she tells him that he's mad. We see his ridiculous fantasy of them having sex in a courtroom. He really thinks it's happened. He persuades her to go on a date with him, but he insists that she wear her uniform. Or is this yet another dream? I don't know. All I can say is that I'd also dream about any policewoman as beautiful as Ulrike Butz. She was the sexiest German actress of the 1970's. Her career only lasted from 1972 to 1974, during which time she made 27 films.

4. Eugen is a medical student. He marries Franziska, the butcher's daughter, played by the delightful Dorothea Rau. On the wedding night he can't perform – What!!! He can't get it up for Dorothea Rau??? – so she does what any disappointed bride would do: she hits him over the head with a chamber pot and puts him in hospital. While he's recovering he dreams about marrying the nurse who's looking after him. The dream cures him, and he's able to go home to his happy wife.

5. The final interview takes place spontaneously. Dr. Kahlbaum and Gisela visit a restaurant, where they talk to the waiter Tonio, played by Rinaldo Talamonti. He says he's always had a crush on the restaurant's owner, Karla Marquadt. Isn't she a bit too tall for him? After months of dreaming about her they finally got together.

Some report films are better than others, but they're never original. I knew what the final scene would be before I watched it. Gisela confesses that she's been dreaming about making love to Dr. Kahlbaum. She tells him about her dreams and attempts to seduce him. At first he resists. He wants to remain professional, but eventually he gives in. The End.

This isn't one of the best German erotic comedies of the 1970's, but it's amusing and worth watching at least once. I intend to watch more German erotic comedies over the next few weeks. I don't know how many yet. I'll decide as I go along.

Frau Wirtin hat auch eine Nichte (3 Stars)

This is a Hungarian film, made in German in 1969. It's the third film in the series about Susanne Delburg, the notorious owner of an inn in the German town of Giessen. The film's title means "The innkeeper also has a niece", but it was released in America as "House of Pleasure". The alternative title is actually relevant. I'll get to it below.

First, my apologies. I wrote about the first film in the series, "Die Wirtin von der Lahn", three years ago. I wanted to watch all six films in a row, but I forgot. It happens. But that's not the only mistake I made. I skipped the second film and went straight to the third. I'll watch the second film later this month. I promise.

In this film Susanne is no longer the owner of the inn on the Lahn. (The Lahn is a river that flows through Giessen). Maybe she gave it up in the second film. I'll have to watch it and see. She's on the road again, travelling with her theatre troupe. They're travelling through Alsace, when they come to a large mansion. They go to the door, leaving Ferdinand (who we know from the first film) to guard their carriage. French troops come and mistake him for Baron von Ambras, an opponent of Napoleon Bonaparte. The real Baron is hiding. Susanne finds the Baron's baby son and takes him with her. They head to Paris to speak with Napoleon and tell him about the mistake.

Napoleon has proposed to marry Marie Louise, the daughter of the Emperor of Austria, in order to gain a political ally against Russia. The Austrian ambassador delivers a message that the marriage won't be allowed, because there are rumours that he's incapable of fathering children. When she arrives at the palace, Susanne hears about this, so she pretends that the baby is her illegitimate child, fathered by Napoleon. Napoleon knows this isn't true, but he backs up the story so that he can claim to be a real man.

The title "House of Pleasure" is relevant because most of the action takes place in a small palace called Monplaisir. It was built by Louis XIV as a place to live with his mistresses, but now Napoleon uses it to entertain his diplomatic guests.

Susanne doesn't really have a niece. She pretends to be her own niece, a decent young girl, nothing like her notorious aunt. In an amusing sequence, she walks in and out of doors, changing her clothes quickly, so that she can be aunt and niece in quick succession. She's an actress, after all.

I don't think any world leader has been mocked in film as often as Napoleon. There have been several films which cast doubt on his virility. Is this based on the truth? I don't know.

The text on the DVD box describes the film as "Erotic Nostalgia". That's stretching it. Apart from brief glimpses of female nudity, there's nothing erotic about it. It's a historical comedy, wrapped around real events. In one of the final scenes Napoleon says to Susanne, "This must never be recorded in the history books". That's a line often spoken in films which speculate about what might really have happened. As things turned out, Napoleon married Marie Louise on 1st April 1810. I like to think that Susanne Delburg helped him, even if she's not mentioned in the history books.

P.S. I was drinking a delicious glass of Eberbach-Schäfer's Spätburgunder mit Lemberger while watching the film. Life is good.

Terminator 2 (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #6

Yesterday someone messaged me in Facebook and asked me why this list is called Dancer's top films. It came from a person who should have known me better. I am Dancer. Mike Hood is Dancer. My blog is called Dansator, which is the Romanian word for Dancer. I picked Dansator because Dancer was already taken, but the choice of Romanian wasn't completely random. I've been fascinated by vampires (especially female vampires) for more than 30 years. I'd already watched the old Dracula films as a child, but the turning point was when I saw "Vamp" on television in the late 1980's. That was the film that first showed me how sexy vampires can be.

I am Dancer. Click here if you want to know more about me.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting abilities were a standing joke in the 1980's. It was inconceivable why this Austrian bodybuilder should be given so many film roles. "Terminator" (1984) was a change. Playing a robot from the future excused his wooden, emotionless acting, even if it didn't explain his strong Austro-German accent. After that he went back to poor acting in other films like "Total Recall", "Twins" and "Kindergarten Cop". Finally, in 1991 he was given another chance with a new Terminator film. Once more he fell naked from the sky, but this time he played the good guy. He's still a Terminator, but he's been reprogrammed. His mission is now to protect the 10-year-old John Connor from another Terminator sent to kill him.

There are arguments about which of the first two Terminator films is better. The critics prefer the first film, while cinema audiences prefer the second. For years I've been unsure which I prefer, but I've finally decided on "Terminator 2". It's not because of the improved special effects in the 1990's. I prefer it because it contains more of the mind-bending temporal paradoxes that I enjoy so much. It's now revealed that the artificial intelligence of the future has been made possible by researching the computer chip from the first Terminator's brain. i.e. the Terminator could only be built by modelling it on itself. 

Part of the Terminator's appeal is that he looks so cool. In the first film he wore dark glasses to conceal the injury to his eye. In this film the dark glasses are merely a fashion statement.

Even though Arnold's Terminator is the good guy in "Terminator 2", we're constantly reminded that he's a killing machine. He protects John Connor by killing others.

John Connor is played by Edward Furlong. It was his first film. Since then he's appeared in more than 50 other films, as well as various television series.

Sarah Connor is played by Linda Hamilton once more, but she's barely recognisable. Gone is the air-headed waitress who couldn't even balance her cheque book. Now she's a muscular warrior woman. Over the last seven years she's been fighting to protect her son and train him to be humanity's leader.

Don't mess with Sarah Connor!

I find her more attractive in this film, but that shouldn't surprise my regular readers. You know that I like strong women.

"Terminator 2" is one of the best films ever made. In my opinion, the sixth best film ever made. So what are the top five films in my list? I'll keep you in suspense for the next eleven days.

Success Rate:  + 3.5

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Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel (3 Stars)

My grandson Oliver seems to be getting a taste for films. Only three days ago he watched "We can be heroes", and today he told me there was another film he wanted to watch. He asked me to sit with him and watch it. That's a task I greatly enjoy doing as a grandfather. I want to encourage him in his love of films, and it also gives me a chance to see something new. I've hardly ever watched children's films, not even when I was a child myself.

The film he picked was "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel" (2009), a sequel to "Alvin and the Chipmunks" (2007). Obviously. I tried to steer Oliver towards the first film, but he'd already made up his mind. The picture box on Netflix for the sequel looked better. Oliver's not a purist like me. Not yet, anyway.

There were several references to the first film, but I think I can figure out what happened. I'm interested in watching the first film, when I can persuade Oliver.

Alvin and the Chipmunks are a rock band. After an accident on stage they have to stop touring and go to school. At first they're bullied by the other boys, but they win them over when they reveal their skill at sports, in particular dodgeball and (American) football. They're asked to participate in a music contest to win $25,000 for their school music department.

I enjoyed the film when it started. The initial rock concert and the slapstick humour entertained me. Then it slowly went downhill, both the music and the humour. Especially the music. The band started with rock music, and then degenerated into playing insipid Destiny's Child covers. A real rock band would never decline like this. My feeling is that the director knows too little about modern music to achieve consistency.

But Oliver liked it, which makes the film a success. The first film had a different director, so I'll give it a chance.

Success Rate:  + 4.3

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Terminator (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #7

My thanks to everyone who's been patient with me since 17th January this year. I'm finally reaching the end of my Top 100 films list. I never intended to do it straight through. I always intended to interrupt it with other films, but I've still been slower than I expected. Initially I planned to be finished by the end of June. Then I pushed it back to the end of August. My current plan is to watch my top film on 14th September. That's the (eleventh) anniversary of the day I started writing my blog.

I have some plans of what I want to watch after that. I was thinking of watching a month of true films in September, but now I've decided to delay this marathon until December, or maybe next year. At the moment I'm intending to concentrate on German erotic films from the 1970's in September and October. I might even start before 15th September, alternating the erotic films with the top places in my Top Films list. In past years I've watched horror films in October, but I shan't do it this year. Maybe one or two. I don't know.

But that's enough rambling on. Let's say a few words about "Terminator" itself. It was directed in 1984 by James Cameron. That's almost 40 years ago, but it's not at all dated. The story was revolutionary at the time, and it's influenced many science fiction films made since then. It's one of the rare films that's equally popular with cinema audiences and critics. It has a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Is there anyone who doesn't know the story yet? In the near future (1997) machines will take over the world. They come close to annihilating all of mankind, but a man called John Connor forms a resistance movement that is close to defeating the machines. The machines send a robot, a Terminator, back in time to kill John Connor's mother before he's born. John Connor sends a soldier back in time to protect his mother.

I forget how many times I've watched "Terminator". Today is the sixth time since I started writing my blog. I probably watched it another six times before then. I have a skill when I watch a film repeatedly. I put myself in the state of mind of not having seen the film before. As the film began, I persuaded myself that I didn't know the two men who appeared out of nowhere. I recommend that my readers attempt to do this as well.

Believe it or not, Arnold Schwarzenegger auditioned to play the part of the soldier, Kyle Reese. That would have been awful. He was born to play the Terminator, and nobody would deny that it's his signature role.

Michael Biehn has appeared in many films over the last 40 years, mostly in small roles. Despite his critically acclaimed role in "Aliens", he'll always be remembered as Kyle Reese.

Linda Hamilton will always be remembered for playing Sarah Connor in three of the Terminator films. Three films so far. Despite being declared dead in the third film, she still returned in the fifth film. James Cameron had everything under control, but the later writers and directors didn't bother about continuity. I suppose their excuse is that in a series of time travel films anything is allowed. That's a weak argument.

Compared with the later flms, "Terminator" has a minimalist feeling to it. It's not a complex plot. It's all about a merciless killing machine chasing Sarah Connor, not letting anything distract it from its goal. The later films all have more complex plots. "Terminator" is more of a horror film than a science fiction film.

The action in "Terminator" is breath-taking. There are two mass slaughter scenes in which the Terminator kills everyone in sight to get to Sarah Connor, first in a nightclub, then in a police station. There's a thrilling car chase, although I admit that the car chases are bigger and better as the film series continues.

Do you think that "Terminator" deserves to be so high in my list? Please leave a comment.

Success Rate:  + 10.2

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Spider-Man 3 (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #93

This is the third film in the original Spider-Man trilogy. It neatly ties up all the storylines from the first two films, as well as introducing new villains: Sandman and Venom. I use the names that they were given in the comics. In the film they're referred to as Flint Marko and Eddie Brock.

As in "Spider-Man 2", the opening credits contain a recap of the previous events. A subtle recap, just enough to nudge the viewer's memory, not enough to tell him everything. This time the recap is in the form of photos, not drawings.

The recap includes the Kiss (with a capital K) from the first film. Cold. Rainy. Passionate. And an awkward angle. I've never tried kissing like that. Are there any women who'd volunteer? I shan't hang upside down. I'm not Spider-Man. I'll just lie on a sofa and let you approach me from above for the kiss (with a small K).

The Spider-Man trilogy is the love story of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson. That's strongly emphasised in the first film, but it's true of all three films. That's what makes Sam Raimi's films better than the subsequent Spider-Man films. People can relate to love stories, even if they aren't interested in super-heroes.

There are problems for the relationship in the form of a beautiful blonde called Gwen Stacy.

(This is actually in the wrong order. In the comics Gwen Stacy was Peter Parker's girlfriend before he dated Mary Jane).

Peter even kisses Gwen. Just a publicity stunt.

But Mary Jane is shocked. That was her special kiss.

It's even worse when Mary Jane has to see the kiss (with a small K again) on the front page of the newspapers.

It's all made worse by the arrival of an alien symbiote. It bonds to Spider-Man by taking the appearance of a black costume. I have to admit that it looks cool. It gives Spider-Man additional strength when he's wearing it. Unfortunately, it has an adverse effect on his personality. Peter Parker becomes more arrogant and self-centred. This drives away Mary Jane.

Peter's closest friends give him advice. Aunt May speaks words that are wiser than anything she ever said in the comics:

"I don't think it's for us to say whether a person deserves to live or die".

There's also a stranger that Peter meets in the street.

"You know, I guess one person can make a difference. Nuff said!"

One of the side effects of bonding with the symbiote is that Peter Parker becomes irresistible to women. They turn and look at him in the street. He also attracts his landlord's daughter, Ursula Ditkovitch.

Ursula is played by Mageina Tovah. She has a pretty face...

... but she really needs to put on weight. I wouldn't hug her because I'd be afraid I might crush her.

Is there a future for Mary Jane in Peter Parker's life? Can she survive in the shadow of Spidey the Mighty? I shan't give you an answer, but I think you can guess.

Success Rate:  + 1.5

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Joy Ride (5 Stars)

Today is the fourth time I've watched this film since I started my blog, but it's the first time I've given it a five star rating. I wanted to give it four and a half stars, as I did in the past, but then I asked myself what's wrong with it that justifies deducting half a star. The answer is nothing.

This film, directed by J. J. Abrams, is a story of road rage, driven to the extreme. The brothers Lewis and Fuller Thomas play a trick on a trucker with their CB Radio. Lewis pretends to be a woman and flirts with the anonymous trucker. The problem is that the anonymity only goes one way. They don't know who he is, but he knows who they are. He's observing their car on the road.

Paul Walker made this film in 2001, the same year as "Fast & Furious", but he looks much younger. It's all a question of the make up. He was 27 when he made the film, but he was supposed to be a college student, so a few years were shaved off his appearance.

Leelee Sobieski is beautiful, isn't she? Her age goes in the opposite direction. She was only 17 when she made the film, but she's also a college student, the same age as Lewis, so they're probably both supposed to be about 20.

As a horror film with elements of a road movie, this film is brilliant. It's truly terrifying. At the halfway mark it seems like the story is over, but the suspense quickly builds up again. The anonymous trucker tells them (via CB radio) that he's had his fun and he'll leave them alone. Maybe he really meant it. Maybe he just wanted to lull the Thomas brothers into a sense of false security. Whichever was the case, the worst was still yet to come.

I ought to listen to J. J. Abrams' commentary track. He obviously wasn't sure where he wanted to go with the film. There are three alternate endings on the disc, and one of them is 29 minutes long. They're all worth watching, but I think that the ending that he finally chose is the best one.

The film is now out of print on DVD and Blu-ray. That's tragic. It's worth looking for a copy on Ebay.

Success Rate:  - 0.4