Mean Girls (4½ Stars)

Merry Christmas to all my readers. To be honest, I don't celebrate Christmas, but if Santa looked anything like this I might change my mind.

I watched "Mean Girls" recently, and I was so fascinated that I had to return to it as quickly as possible. It's just like "Scream", but without the screaming. The narrative style is so effective that it's hyper-realistic, so that you're not sure whether it's parodying a documentary or attempting to be a real documentary. The main character, Cady Heron, directly addresses the audience in her voiceover.

The last two times I reviewed this film I didn't go into the plot. I'll make up for that now.

16-year-old Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan) grew up in Africa, where her parents worked as zoologists. All this time she was home-schooled. Now they've moved back to America, so she has her first day at school, ten years too late. She's introduced to all the school cliques, from the math nerds to the football jocks. She makes friends with Janis, the school's only goth girl. Janis can't form a clique by herself, so she hangs out with Damian, the school's only gay boy. Actually, he's more than just gay. He seems to think of himself as female. He uses the girls' bathroom, and when the principal orders all the girls to go to the gym he goes with them. He's one of the girls.

Cady is invited to join the Plastics, the school's elite group of fashionable but shallow girls. They offer her friendship, as long as she doesn't challenge the Queen Bee of the Plastics, Regina George (Rachel McAdams). Cady doesn't feel comfortable with them, but Janis recommends that she join the Plastics so that she can spy on Regina George. Janis used to be her best friend in middle school, but now that she's been dumped she's obsessed with her ex-friend.

Isn't Janis too beautiful to be a goth girl? Or maybe I'm biased. I've always liked girls in black, as long as they don't overdo the piercings. As I often say, "There should never be metal in any place that I like to kiss, lick or suck".

Cady's work as an undercover spy for Janis gets confused when she falls in love with Aaron Samuels, Regina's ex-boyfriend. Now we see just how mean Regina can be. She dumped Aaron, but when she finds out that Cady is interested in him she takes him back, just because she can. Maybe she thinks that if Cady dates her ex-boyfriend the other girlswill think that Cady stole him from Regina.

One of the most important things about being a Plastic is regular telephone conferences. Clockwise from bottom left it's Cady Heron, Gretchen Wieners, Karen Smith and Regina George.

I've always had something of a crush on Amanda Seyfried, who plays Karen Smith. Her eyes fascinate me.

Or do I prefer Lizzy Caplan as Janis? It's a tough choice.

No, I have to stick with Amanda Seyfried. Lizzy Caplan only dressed up as a goth for this movie. She looks a lot more conservative in real life. Unfortunately. On the other hand, Amanda Seyfried always has big eyes.

But let's get back to the plot. Cady started out pretending to be one of the Plastics, but the lifestyle corrupts her. She enjoys being a member of her school's elite clique. She takes revenge on Regina for taking Aaron away from her, but the end result is that Cady has become the new Queen Bee.

Cady has to decide what's important. Is it better to be popular or to be loyal to your friends? That might seem like an easy question to answer, but when you're a 16-year-old girl and your best friends are the school's outcasts there's a big difference between knowing what's right and doing what's right.

This is a very good film that I'm sure to watch again soon.

Success Rate:  + 5.6

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Mean Girls (4 Stars)

Gretchen: "Ex-boyfriends are off limits to friends. That's just like the rules of feminism".

Cady: "The limit does not exist!"

Many thanks to my friend Crystal Berry for hosting a watch party, even if she kept me up all night.

It's been eight years since I last watched this. I'd forgotten the plot, and all I could remember was the mean girls in their short skirts. In my last review I hardly wrote anything to remind me what it was about. But yikes! There was a horrible spelling mistake in that review, which I just corrected, so there's no point in looking for it. I'm so ashamed! There was a spelling mistake for EIGHT YEARS and I never knew!

I enjoyed the film today, despite being tired and hardly able to concentrate. I'll have to watch it again soon.

Success Rate:  + 5.6

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Machete (5 Stars)

I'm glad that director Robert Rodriguez toned down the old film effects in this film. The only fake film scratches are at the beginning. "Planet Terror" was a good film, but he overdid the effects. I can understand him wanting to make the film look old for nostalgic effect, but if you watch the film more than once it gets boring. My advice to Robert for future grindhouse films is simple: release the DVD with both scratched and unscratched versions, and let them be selectable using the Angle option. I assume this wouldn't be too difficult, since the films are first made in pristine condition and the scratches are edited in later.

I already reviewed the film here. It's a film that grows on me more every time I watch it. My only criticism is that too much is packed into the final showdown. It's like Rodriguez had lots of ideas that he felt the need to include before it was too late, such as the nuns with guns. This could have been easily solved by adding an extra 30 minutes to the film.

Machete (5 Stars)

Have you ever seen a film that you've loved from the very first minute? This is one. Right from the opening scenes I knew it would be a great film, and I wasn't disappointed. Over the top violence, nurses in mini-skirts, nuns with guns. This film has it all! In general it's a serious film, but I couldn't help laughing when I saw the bouncing cars driving into battle.

A brief synopsis: a Mexican labourer is hired to assassinate a politician who wants to stop illegal immigration. When he's about to pull the trigger he realises he's been set up; the assassination attempt is just a fraud to win sympathy for the politician. After this he goes on the run, pursued by corrupt government officials who want to silence him.

The actors slot perfectly into their respective roles. Even Stephen Segal, who I've never particularly liked, is ideal as a katana wielding Mexican drug lord. I can't fault the film at all.

Mean Girls (3½ Stars)

Like "Heathers" this is a film about a high school clique. The humour in this film isn't so dark, although there are traces of morbidity. Basically, it's a similar story of an outsider taking on the in clique and winning. Amusing.