Wednesday 11 September 2013

This ain't Terminator XXX (3 Stars)


I've been looking forward to seeing this film for a while. I love Terminator, the whole franchise from the films to the tv series, and I love Axel Braun. It's with some sadness that I have to say this film disappointed me.

There are several problems. The budget was obviously too small to have realistic fight scenes. Instead of using a gun, Kyle Reese fought the Terminator with an iron bar. Another problem is that, unusually for Axel Braun films, the characters don't look like the stars of the original film. Only Brendon Miller, who plays Kyle Reese, comes at all close. But the biggest problem is that the film has been made as a comedy. Kyle especially acts like an inept fool. I would have enjoyed the film much more if it had been made seriously. Despite the small budget.


The Terminator himself is played by Dick Delaware, who used to fight in the UFC and MMA as Aaron Brink. He's a good choice, as far as his muscular build goes, but I'm not at all convinced of his acting ability. In an interview on the DVD he says that he enjoys porn, but he wants to move into serious acting. I shudder at the thought; he doesn't show any acting ability. On the other hand, he couldn't possibly be as bad as Hulk Hogan, so maybe he should try it.


On the plus side, the girls in this film are extremely attractive, more attractive than the women in Axel's other films. Please don't get me wrong, his films always have beautiful women in them, but somehow they're better this time. They're more glamorous, and they have bigger breasts.

Two girls have fake breasts. Can you tell which one is natural?
If you think the Terminator's face is scary...
don't look at his crotch!

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