The Girl with all the Gifts (5 Stars)

This is a film that takes place in England in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse. The only survivors are in army camps dotted around the country. The word zombie isn't used in the film. The infected humans are called hungries. Somehow it doesn't sound right to talk about a hungry apocalypse.

Yes, they're definitely zombies, aren't they? Whatever they're called. They're hungry for human flesh. They're not slow like traditional zombies. They run after humans and eat mouthfuls of flesh. Any human who survives turns into another hungry within minutes of being bitten.

When hungries can't find food, they go into a sleep-like trance, standing motionless on their feet. This happens a lot, because more than 99% of the population has become hungries. There aren't enough humans left to eat.

The film begins in an army base somewhere in the south of England. Research is being done into finding a cure. It's been discovered that second generation hungries are halfway between human and hungry. They're hungry for human flesh, but they have normal intelligence. They're children who were born to women who were pregnant when they were first bitten. The scientists at the base believe that by examining these children they can find a cure. It's a long shot, but they have to start somewhere.

Helen Justineau (Gemma Arterton) is the teacher responsible for educating the young hungry hybrids. Her favourite pupil is Melanie, the girl in the title. She knows that children are regularly being taken to be dissected, but she doesn't do anything about it until Melanie is selected. She breaks into the laboratory to free Melanie. Normally disciplinary action would follow, but at this moment the hungries overrun the base, and Helen has to flee with Melanie and a few soldiers.

I don't usually like zombie films, but this isn't a zombie film, it's a hungry film. Apart from which, it stars Gemma Arterton, who's been my favourite actress ever since Leelee Sobieski retired. The film is a perfect mix of action and thoughtful scenes.

	Order from Amazon.com
	Order from Amazon.co.uk
	Order from Amazon.de

Mars Attacks (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #31

I just sat staring at the screen for the last half hour, and I can't think of a thing to write. It happens. I've saved 26 screenshots from the film to be used in my review, but I shan't use them now. I'll save them for use the next time I watch the film.

Here's an even better idea: I challenge my readers to write a review for this film. Write as short or as long a review as you want, and send it to me in the comments box. I'll publish your review using a selection of my screenshots.

Today I'll just use this one screenshot with Pam Grier. Maybe this beautiful picture is enough to make up for my attack of writer's block.

Tomorrow I'm finally going to get my first Coronavirus injection. Maybe that's what's put me off writing. I'll see how I feel tomorrow evening.

Success Rate:  - 0.6

	Order from Amazon.com
	Order from Amazon.co.uk
	Order from Amazon.de

What happened to Monday (3½ Stars)

In the mid 20th Century environmental problems have caused fertility rates to drop to dangerous levels. People turn to fertility drugs to have babies, but this leads to an abundance of multiple births. The world's population shoots up, exhausting the Earth's natural resources, so the population needs to be culled. A one-child-per-family law is strictly enforced by an organisation called the Child Allocation Bureau (CAB). In the case of multiple births, only one child is allowed to live a normal life; the others are frozen in cryo-chambers and left to sleep until the problem of overpopulation has been solved.

A woman called Karen Settman has seven identical daughters, then dies in childbirth. The grandfather of the septuplets doesn't want to give up any of them. He names them after the seven days of the week, from Monday to Sunday. They all have different personalities, but he trains them to act as if they were one person. Each day only one of them goes out in public, calling themselves Karen Settman, doing the same job in turns.

Then one day Monday doesn't come home. The others suspect that she's been arrested or killed by the CAB. Tuesday goes out the next day, but she's killed. Each day another of the sisters goes out to find Monday, but none of them return.

This is an exciting thriller, with an excellent performance by Noomi Rapace as all seven of the sisters. It's easy to recognise which sister she is by the way she talks. My relatively low rating is due to my dislike of dystopian post-apocalyptic films.

In America and the UK the film is available exclusively on Netflix, but it's been released on DVD and Blu-ray in Germany.

P.S. I wrote this review on 21st March, but I backdated the post to the day I watched the film.

Guardians of the Galaxy (4 Stars)

This is the tenth film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, released in August 2014. It drifts even further away from the Marvel canon than the previous films. It continues and even exaggerates the MCU tradition of showing characters with the same names as comic book characters, but with different costumes, different appearances, different backgrounds and different powers. This is clearest in the case of Arthur Douglas, aka Drax the Destroyer. In the comics he was born on Earth, and Mentor (Thanos' father) gave him superpowers to challenge Thanos. In the comics he can fly through space faster than the speed of light and destroy a whole fleet of spaceships without breaking a sweat. In the film he's just a muscle-bound wrestler.

Stan Lee is re-invented in every film. Here we see him in a six-second cameo flirting with a young woman on the planet Xandar. He asks her, "Do you like cartoons?" That's a good pick-up line. I wonder if it would work for me. Unfortunately, Stan has forgotten the first rule of flirting: before you try to pick up a girl you have to take off your wedding ring.

The Guardians of the Galaxy are a bunch of misfits and outsiders who team up to defend the universe – not the galaxy – against a threat from the rogue Kree, Ronan the Accuser. In the comics Ronan was never rogue, he was a faithful Kree soldier, but I'll leave it for now. In this film there are so many deviations from the comics that I couldn't possibly name them all.

Star Lord is a man kidnapped from Earth 26 years ago. What he doesn't know is that his father isn't human. We find that out late at the end of the film.

Gamora is a beautiful but deadly assassin, the adopted daughter of Thanos.

Drax is a muscle-bound wrestler, nothing more, nothing less.

Rocket is a genetically modified raccoon who is a feared space outlaw.

Groot is a living tree who first appeared in a pre-canon science fiction story written by Stan Lee in 1960.

"Guardians of the Galaxy" is the first of the MCU films to contain a lot of comedy. With characters like these five it's difficult for the film to take itself too seriously.

This is the first clear view we have of Thanos. There has been a lot of argument in forums about who the most powerful character in the MCU is. It's difficult to give an answer, because the characters deviate so strongly from the comics. However, when Ronan defies Thanos by refusing to give him the Infinity Stone, his servant Korath warns him, "Thanos is the most powerful being in the universe". Is that the answer we're looking for?

Howard the Duck appears in the after credits scene, evidently enjoying his life of leisure in the Collector's storeroom. When's he going to get his own film?

Success Rate:  + 1.3

	Order from Amazon.com
	Order from Amazon.co.uk
	Order from Amazon.de

The Girl with all the Gifts (5 Stars)

This is a zombie film for people who don't like zombie films. A deadly virus has turned 99% of the world's population into mindless flesh-eating creatures. The infection spreads fast. One bite and the victim becomes a zombie within minutes. There's no known cure.

At least, there's no known cure yet. Dr. Caroline Caldwell is researching into a cure in a military facility in central England. The key is a group of children that the army has captured. They were all babies in the bellies of pregnant women shortly before giving birth at the time when their mothers were infected. The children are different to other zombies. They're flesh-eaters, but they're intelligent and can talk.

Helen Justineau, played by Gemma Arterton, is a teacher who educates the children. She's particularly attached to Melanie, the girl who shows more intelligence than any of the other children.

The army base is overrun by zombies, and only six people escape: three soldiers, Dr. Caldwell, Helen Justineau and Melanie. Together they have to fight to survive against overwhelming odds.

The film has action and suspense, but it's also full of heartbreak and emotion. This is what all zombie films should be like.

	Order from Amazon.com
	Order from Amazon.co.uk
	Order from Amazon.de

Fatal Attraction (5 Stars)

This is another film that I haven't watched for a long time and I don't know why not. It's sometimes called an erotic thriller, but that label doesn't fit. It's on the borderline between a psychological thriller and a horror film.

The plot can be described in a few words. A married man has a one-night stand while his family is away for the weekend, but the woman doesn't see it as casually as he does. She refuses to let go, first stalking him then terrorising his family.

It's an excellent film. Even though I already knew what would happen I was sitting on the edge of my seat, gasping as the events unfolded. For the first time today I realised that the woman in the film reminds me of someone in my life. That made the film even more personal for me.

Without meaning to diminish the responsibility of Alex Forrest, brilliantly portrayed by Glenn Close, let's look at the man in the story. Dan Gallagher is a happily married man. He loves his wife and his daughter. So why does he put it all at risk for a few minutes of pleasure? Two minutes, to be precise. Men should make an attempt to keep their sex drives under control. If they don't they'll wake up one day and find their rabbit has been cooked.

	Order from Amazon.com
	Order from Amazon.co.uk
	Order from Amazon.de

Guardians of the Galaxy (4 Stars)

The more I think about this film, the less I understand why it was made. It's so out of continuity with the rest of the Marvel films. All the other films feature characters from the 1960's Marvel comics, but the Guardians of the Galaxy are a team that didn't appear until 40 years later in 2008.

The film isn't too bad, but they got Gamora's costume totally wrong. She should be wearing a full body fishnet with nothing underneath. Drax is also too weak in the film. He should be flying through space punching holes in space ships.

	Order from Amazon.com
	Order from Amazon.co.uk
	Order from Amazon.de

The Girl with all the Gifts (5 Stars)

I heard about this film a few months ago, while I was still living in England. "A film being made in Birmingham". That always excites me. When films are made in England they're either set in London or in the countryside, depending on whether or not it's an urban film. Birmingham isn't a popular setting for films, so I automatically watch any films made in Birmingham, whatever they're about. I was overjoyed to find out that the film would be included in Stuttgart's fantasy film festival. I didn't realise until yesterday that the film stars Gemma Arterton. That's another reason to watch it. She's probably my favourite actress now that Leelee Sobieski has retired from acting.

It's a zombie film. I don't like zombie films, but "The Girl with all the Gifts" is different. It doesn't follow the usual formula of zombie films. It's a zombie film with heart and emotion. It also explores new ground, experimenting with ideas not used in earlier zombie films.

In the near future an epidemic has broken out, turning over 99% of the world's population into zombies. As in all other zombie films they are ugly flesh eaters who turn their victims into zombies by biting them, but these zombies don't lumber around slowly, they run fast to attack their prey. The survivors live in military enclaves, because only soldiers are able to protect the population.

The story begins in a heavily fortified military base in central England. Scientific studies are in progress. It's been discovered that second generation zombies, children born to zombie mothers, have normal human intelligence, even though they are flesh eaters. A group of 20 children is being held as prisoners, but they're being educated by school teachers in the base. It's thought that the children's DNA holds the secret to create a vaccine to cure zombies.

One girl, Melanie, stands out above all the others. She is more intelligent, polite and articulate than all the other children. The scientists think that she's the most promising candidate for making the vaccine. She is also the favourite pupil of one of the teachers, Helen Justineau.

The base is breached in a mass attack by zombies and has to be evacuated. Helen takes Melanie with her, despite protests by the soldiers. In the fight for survival on the outside Melanie is the key figure. She's a zombie, but she fights on the side of the humans.

I was very fortunate to be able to see this film. It won't be released to the cinemas until the end of September. It was a special screening at the Stuttgart film festival.

The acting was brilliant by all of the main cast. Most of all I was impressed by Sennia Nanua, who plays Melanie. She was only 12 when she made the film, but she shows talent way beyond her years.

As far as Birmingham goes, I'm sorry to say that I didn't recognise the city. Maybe when it hits the cinemas my Birmingham friends can tell me if they see anything they know.

Warcraft: The Beginning (2 Stars)

I blame J. R. R. Tolkien for this film. He didn't write enough books. He was too short-sighted when he wrote "The Hobbit" (1937) and "The Lord of the Rings" (1954). What was he doing for the rest of his life? Didn't he realise that one day film studios would be clamouring for material to make big budget films about orcs, elves and dwarfs?

The Lord of the Rings trilogy was shown in the cinemas from 2001 to 2003. It was logical to make a trilogy of films, because the original story was made up of three books, or rather three double books. It was an epic story which needed an epic film series to do it justice, After an almost 10 year gap a Hobbit trilogy was made and released to the cinemas from 2012 to 2014. A trilogy? Totally unnecessary. It was only a single book, and its total number of pages is less than a third of the length of "Lord of the Rings". I didn't intend to watch any of the Hobbit films in the cinema, but I went to see the first film at the Odeon Broadway Plaza cinema for technical reasons: I wanted to see what 48 fps films look like. In my review I gave it a generous four star rating. I described it as a cautious rating which I would correct next time I watched it, but I have no intention of watching it again. All I can remember about the film, three and a half years on, is the painfully slow pacing.

The Hobbit trilogy was a commercial success. It earned $2.9 billion at the box office, slightly more than the previous trilogy. That's American billions, of course. For some reason America decided to redefine the word billion. In England (and the rest of the world) a billion is 1,000,000,000,000 but in America it's only 1,000,000,000. Why does everything have to be smaller in America? To make international trade discussions easier British economists now use the American terminology, but I consider this to be a mistake. Why didn't the Americans adapt to us? It's our language, we invented it! Why do we have to accommodate American blunders in spelling and terminology?

In the absence of a third novel by Tolkien the film studios needed to find another story about orcs, elves and dwarfs. They decided to make a film series -- yet another trilogy! -- based on the online game World of Warcraft. That's logical in a way. World of Warcraft's characters are based on the creatures in Tolkien's books.

One thing is sorely missing from the first Warcraft film: Tolkien's genius. The screenwriter Charles Leavitt is totally overwhelmed by the source material of the game, and the result is a chaotic mess. After all, the game itself has only loosely scripted storylines.

The basic plot is that the homeworld of the Orcs, Draenor, has been destroyed. They have decided to migrate to Azeroth, the homeworld of the humans. Rather than come in peace they've decided to conquer humanity. Can't we all just get along? Coupled with this is a subplot about a dark magic, the fel, which corrupts whoever uses it, whether orc or human.

After watching the film I read reviews by film critics, to see whether they agree or disagree with my feelings about the film. I don't usually agree with critics, but it's interesting to get a second opinion. In this case we think alike. "Warcraft" has been criticised for its story and its character development. As one critic writes, "You couldn’t give me three adjectives to describe any of the characters if I put a gun to your head". I couldn't have put it better myself.

Guardians of the Galaxy (4 Stars)

Thank you, Amazon, for celebrating Black Friday this year. I've been wanting to buy this film ever since it was released on Blu-ray 12 months ago, but the price was too high. When it was first released it cost £19, then the price dropped to £15 after a few months, and ever since then the price has been hovering between £10 and £15. When I buy Blu-ray Discs the most I usually pay is £6, although I go as high as £8 for a film I really want. No higher than £8, that's my absolute maximum. The price has probably stayed higher because it's a best seller and there's been no need to drop the price. I've been watching Ebay for special offers, but whenever a Blu-ray was offered for auction the bidding went up to silly levels, always higher than Amazon's price. Some people are stupid.

Then came Black Friday. Amazon offered the Blu-ray version of the film for £6.99. I ordered it immediately, but didn't watch it until now because I wanted to finish watching my essential 30 films first. Incidentally, I've noticed a large number of copies of this film appearing on Ebay in the last two days. It looks like a lot of greedy people bought it just to make a profit.

Usually my first reaction when I see a Marvel film in the cinema is to attack it for its deviations from the comics, but when I watch it a second time on disc I appreciate it in its own right, despite the changes. This time I'm going in the opposite direction. Check out the pictures above of Gamora as she appears in Marvel's comics. Then look at the photo of Gamora in the film below.

In the comics Gamora wears a full body fishnet suit without anything underneath. Some artists (like the one above) draw the fishnet in a darker green than her skin, giving the impression that it's a bodysuit with a fishnet pattern. As far as I can tell this was self-censorship by the comics, not a true representation of what she was wearing.

I might have accepted the green bodysuit version in the film as an attempt to keep the film suitable for young viewers in America The Prude, but instead of that Gamora's costume was completely ruined. It's little more than a leather outfit, not even tight fitting.

Added to this, Zoe Saldana was a poor choice to play Gamora. She's too flat-chested. In the comics Gamora stuns men with her beauty before knocking them out with her fists. Zoe Saldana doesn't have the necessary sex appeal.

One thing I don't like so much in the film on watching it again is the big space ship battles that look like scenes from "Star Wars". This wouldn't have been necessary if Drax the Destroyer (to give him his full name) hadn't been made so weak in the film. In the comics Drax can fly through space at speeds much faster than light, and he can fire power beams from his hands. He could take out a whole fleet of spaceships by himself. Instead of this he just sits idly around in spaceships waiting for the opportunity to get out and punch someone.

This is the real Drax, battling against the all-powerful Thanos. This is the Drax I wanted to see in the film, not just a wrestler in outer space.

Mars Attacks (5 Stars)

30 films to watch before you die, #17

This must be the only film ever made that's based on a set of trading cards. Only a director as eccentric as Tim Burton would tackle such a task. The end result is at the same time ridiculous and astounding. It's a big budget B-Movie. The cast looks like a list of all of Hollywood's biggest stars in 1996, when it was made.

On paper the film looks overly complex. There are so many different characters competing for screen time – the American president and his family, an ex-boxer and his family, a Las Vegas casino owner and his wife, an American soldier and his family, to name but a few – but somehow the film doesn't seem cluttered. Everything fits together so well. I'm sure that if there's a beginner's class for film makers Tim Burton broke all the rules when he made this film. It's difficult to say what makes the film so good, it just is.

The flying saucers from Mars even invaded the Warner Bros. logo!

Other examples of Tim Burton's cinematic madness – though not quite as mad as "Mars Attacks" – are

• Batman Returns (1992)
• Ed Wood (1994)
• Sweeney Todd (2007)

Guardians of the Galaxy (4½ Stars)

We're just like Kevin Bacon.

I knew from the beginning that this would be either a great film of an utter flop. I was right. It's a great film. There's more humour in it than any of the recent Marvel films (since 2000), but it works well. The humour doesn't detract from the film's serious parts, on the contrary, it supports them.

The main character is Peter Quill, a man who was kidnapped from Earth as a boy. He's spent his life making a living as a thief, giving himself the name Star-Lord. After being thrown into prison for stealing a mysterious orb he meets the other prisoners Gamora, Rocket, Groot and Drax. With their help he breaks out of prison. They discover that the orb contains a stone of infinite power, one of the six infinity gems, and it is now in the hands of an evil being called Ronan the Accuser, who has sworn to destroy billions of people. The five outcasts name themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy and go to take the orb from Ronan.

Okay, let's get the deviations from the comics out of the way first. Nebula is said to be Thanos' daughter. In the comics she wasn't his daughter, she merely pretended to be his daughter in his absence, so that she could take over the leadership of his army. When Thanos returned he severely punished her for her lies. Drax claims that Ronan killed his family, but in the comics Thanos killed them. Apart from that, Drax is much more powerful in the comics, so it would have been impossible for any prison to hold him.

Nevertheless, this is a very good film. It combines elements of "Star Wars" with hints of "Indiana Jones". The film is an exciting sci-fi romp, an epic tale of criminals who turn to the path of righteousness when it's necessary to save the universe. The brief glimpses of Thanos are exciting, making me want to see more of him in upcoming films. Maybe in the next Avengers film? The film's music isn't just for the background, it's an essential part of the film. When Peter was abducted from the Earth he was wearing a Walkman, and 26 years later he still owns the cassette tape, a mix of 1970's hits.

The film's initial box office takings make it look like it's destined to be one of the most successful films ever. Rightly so. I've deducted half a star for its deviation from the original comics, but I'll reassess it next time I see it. Oh, and if you haven't seen the film so far, please don't leave before the end of the credits, or you'll miss the appearance of Marvel's greatest hero.

Mars Attacks (5 Stars)

Stan Lee does not appear in this film. But if he did he would have whupped all the Martians single-handed. Nuff said!

Mars Attacks (5 Stars)

This is one of my favorite films. It's sheer brilliance from beginning to end, from the burning herd of cattle to Tom Jones singing with the birds. Tim Burton had a huge budget at his disposal, which he spent on an array of world class actors to make the most ambitious B-Movie of all time.

"Mars Attacks" started with a set of trading cards published in 1962. In 1984 the cards were reprinted. In 1994 the set was reprinted again with additional cards. A fan following was beginning to build up, so Tim Burton tackled the film in 1996. While he certainly had enough money for realistic special effects, he chose to stick to a B-Movie style throughout, for instance by giving the Martians weapons that looked like water pistols.

Despite being a deliberate spoof, the film stands head and shoulders above the other big alien invasion film made in the same year. "Independence Day" was intended to be serious, but ended up being a ridiculous farce.