General: Blackout

Today tragedy struck. I wanted to watch "IT Chapter Two". First I watched the special features, which lasted about 90 minutes. Very informative. Then I started the film. After 17 minutes the picture froze. I thought there might be a smudge on the disc, so I cleaned it. I put the disc back in, and it didn't load at all. So I tried another disc. Nothing. My Blu-ray player is dead. Can you imagine how bad that is for me? I have to rely on the poor contents of streaming services. Ugh.

My Blu-ray payer isn't under guarantee, so I'll buy a new one tomorrow. The repair costs would probably be more than a new player, and I'd have to wait a week. Is it a coincidence that today is the hottest day since I moved to Germany? Probably not.

IT Chapter One [2017] (5 Stars)

Yesterday my IT box set arrived in the mail. Both chapters on Blu-ray. I can't remember when I was so excited to receive films in the post. I thought I might be able to watch both films in one day, but I underestimated the attention I have to give my grandson. I pick him up from kindergarten at 12:30 every day, but he's very slow walking home. He gets distracted easily. Today I didn't get home until 3:20, despite it only being a half mile walk. He stopped to play frisbee with one of his friends in front of the Catholic church. He got an ice cream from a shop. He watched garbage trucks and other interesting vehicles as he walked. He saw one of his friends playing in her yard, so he went in to play with her. He wanted a pretzel from the bakers' shop. And finally he got home. I was exhausted from the heat – it was 31 C today – so I needed to take a nap as soon as I handed him over to my daughter. That left only enough time for one film today.

To be accurate, it was slightly more than one film. I also watched the extra features on the Blu-ray disc, which lasted almost an hour. First I watched the deleted scenes, and I have to admit, it was right to delete them. Sometimes deleted scenes are painful omissions, cuts made just to shorten a film to an acceptable length, but the extra scenes on this disc were either unnecessary to the film, or they would have distracted from the action.

There was a featurette on Stephen King, a featurette about Bill Skarsgard as Pennywise and a featurette about the actors in the Losers' Club. The last two fascinated me in their presentation of the child actors. The Pennywise featurette was as much about the children as it was about Bill Skarsgard himself.

What interested me most was hearing the children talk. They have the same mannerisms as in the film, talking fast or slowly (with the exception of Jaeden Lieberher not stuttering). Evidently the director allowed the children, most of whom were only 13 at the time of filming, to bring their own personalities into the film. That's not what acting is about, but it provided more realism. In preparation for the film the children spent two days together making friends and getting to know one another. While filming the barriers between real life and the film were blurred. Were the characters talking to one another, or were the actors talking to one another? The end result is very effective.

Pennywise was kept away from the children for as long as possible. This was also to create realism. The director wanted their fear to be genuine when they saw him for the first time. Also, the final scene where the children leave was deliberately filmed on the last day. The children (the actors) were sad, knowing that they would soon be going home and not see one another again, so the director wanted these emotions to flow into the scene itself. Who is this Andy Muschietti? "IT Chapter One" was only his second film, so where did he develop the skill to direct it so skilfully? Where did he learn how to deal with child actors? I'm impressed.

Bill is the leader, despite his stutter.

Beverly is unable to develop emotionally because she's sexually abused by her father.

Richie is the boy who talks before he thinks.

Eddie appears sickly, but it's really hypochondria induced by his mother.

Stanley is a rabbi's son struggling with his Jewish heritage.

Ben is young and overweight, the primary target of school bullies.

Mike comes from the only black family in town, making him a target of racist abuse.

Success Rate:  + 18.0

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Hard Ticket to Hawaii (4½ Stars)

This is the second film in the Andy Sidaris collection, made in 1987. Today I watched it on Blu-ray for the first time, and I was blown away. When I watched "Malibu Express" yesterday I found the picture quality an improvement over the DVD, but far from perfect. That was probably a result of the of the source tapes being old. "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" has such a clear picture, with the exception of a few indoor scenes, that it took my breath away. This is what film restoration should look like. The web site Blu-ray.com writes:

The 1080p transfer comes sourced form a new 4K restoration. The results are imperfect but nevertheless excellent in the aggregate. The picture presents with an organic grain structure, one that is light and complimentary that lends to the presentation a steady, appreciable, and attractive filmic texturing. Details are very strong. Complex skin textures are visible in abundance, clothing lines are crisp and well defined, and the various environments are full of high yield characteristics that bring every shot to life. Colours are not found in deep saturation, favouring a lighter, brighter palette that still offers punchy reds and pleasing natural greens amongst a barrage of additional colours throughout the film. Black levels are stable and skin tones appear accurate. The stray speckle and vertical line are visible but never in detrimental quantities. No serious encode artefacts are apparent.

The opening credits are stylishly designed, despite their low budget. They're printed labels stuck onto boxes in a packing factory.

This was the first film produced by Andy's wife Arlene. She helped keep the production costs in check. She claims that the opening credits scene cost $20.

We also see people working in the factory, unpaid extras, friends of the family.

Andy Sidaris himself even does a brief cameo in the credits sequence.

The film is about two women in Hawaii who are undercover agents for an organisation referred to only as the Agency. Donna is an employee of the Agency, while Taryn is an unofficial worker for the Agency, a woman in a witness protection program. They're not actually on a mission in the film. They get involved with criminal activities by accident. After flying a honeymoon couple to a remote beach they witness a model helicopter landing, and they find that it's carrying diamonds to pay for drugs. There's a sub-plot about a deadly snake running loose on the island. Or should I say it's slithering loose?

There are various connections to the previous films, in the plural because I'm including "Seven". Donna is shown mourning for her father, who she says was the best agent the Agency ever had. She's looking at a photo of Robert Relyea, who played Agent Harris in "Seven".

We briefly see the yacht Malibu Express, after which the first film was named. Cody Abilene has left, and the yacht's new owner is his cousin Rowdy Abilene, a member of the Agency. Although he's a different person, they have a lot in common. They're both irresistible to women, and they're both awful at shooting. In both films, it's a recurring joke that Cody and Rowdy miss their target every time they're involved in a gun fight.

The henchman called Skater returns after being seen in "Seven". Why's he called Skater? Because he rides a skateboard. He's played by Russell Howe, who was the 1975 American skateboarding champion. I never knew it was a sport, but any man who can ride a skateboard downhill on his hands deserves a medal.

There are several actors who return in different roles. Sometimes the roles are so similar that the viewer is confused. For instance, Michael Andrews plays a transvestite in both films.

The film stars four Playboy models. Wow! Here are three of them, looking like clones of Charlie's Angels, complete with the 1980's hairstyles. Hope Marie Carlton (left) was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in July 1985. Dona Speir (middle) was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in March 1984. Cynthia Brimhall (right) was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in October 1985.

Patty Duffek doesn't get as much screen time as the other three girls, which is a shame, when we examine her assets. She was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in May 1984.

In addition to his cameo in the opening credits, Andy Sidaris plays a reporter from New York who's in Hawaii to interview football players. This refers to his previous career. Before he became a film director, he worked in covering sports events for television.

Julie Strain joins Andy Sidaris in the special features to talk about the film. She was Penthouse Pet of the Month in June 1991 and Penthouse Pet of the Year in 1993.

I accidentally discovered an Easter Egg on the disc. It's not indexed in the menus, so most people won't find it. It's in single density, so it's possible that it was also hidden on the DVD release. I'll have to check. Julie Strain is putting Andy Sidaris under pressure while getting ready for a photo shoot.

She strips completely naked in front of him. Poor Andy can't bare to look.

After seeing this Easter Egg, I decided to go back to "Malibu Express" and see if I'd missed anything. Yes I did. There are three photos of Julie Strain naked which aren't linked to any menus. I'm going to be examining every disc in the collection carefully.

Malibu Express (4 Stars)

In my review of "Return To Savage Beach" I complained that Andy Sidaris' films were only available on DVD. Did someone read my review? Beginning in 2018, all 12 of his films were remastered for Blu-ray, and I now have his complete collection on Blu-ray in my hands. This was a must-buy for me as a fan. I'm happy to say that the picture quality is noticeably superior to the original release, though not perfect. To quote the review from Blu-ray.com:

The 1080p Blu-ray presentation is sourced from a new 4K restoration. The image is generally very nice, with minimal print damage or encoding artefacts getting in the way beyond some distracting wobble that makes its appearance with some regularity in a number of shots and scenes. The image is densely grainy, a snowy, swarming field that is nicely complimentary of the image's textural qualities. Those details are not stellar, but they are firm and steady, revealing skin, clothes, and environments with sufficient clarity and stability. Colours are firm and nicely saturated, reds maybe a little overblown, but the palette is steady without much evidence of fading. Black levels, however, do appear raised and flat with mild purple push at times. Skin tones appear accurate. For what was a low budget exploitation film, the end result is certainly not at all bad.

This is the first film in the Andy Sidaris collection, made in 1985. According to Wikipedia, it's a partial remake of the film "Stacey" (1973), which I haven't yet seen. I'm not sure to what extent this is the case, because the main subject of "Malibu Express" is the illegal export of computers to Russia, something which wasn't happening 12 years earlier.

In the early 1980's the PC revolution was beginning. IBM PCs were cutting edge technology. There were other PCs at the time, but the equipment we see is the IBM XT. It was illegal to export them to Russia, but some companies sold them to companies in Europe that sold them for a profit to Russia, avoiding the trade ban. The private detective Cody Abilene is given the mission to investigate a company that's suspected of carrying out this illegal trade. While investigating the Chamberlain family the chauffeur is murdered. The murder is unrelated to his case, because the chauffeur has been blackmailing several members of the household, but Cody gets sidetracked into trying to solve the murder, despite being attacked by henchmen in the smuggling ring.

The opening and closing credits are shown as a woman with ridiculously long nails sitting in a dark room typing the text on a computer screen. According to the director's commentary, she was an employee of a computer store that Andy paid to type the credits. The view alternates between the typing and the screen itself.

Watching the film today, 35 years later, it has a glorious retro appeal. It's difficult to imagine that this was considered high tech at the time.

Note the slightly distorted text, due to the rounding of the computer screen. This was a low tech screenshot, by today's standards. Andy had to set up a camera to record the text as it was displayed on the screen.

The awkward lettering of the opening credits is in contrast the beautiful curves of the actresses. Alongside normal actors, Andy Sidaris liked to add Playboy models to the cast for eye candy. Sometimes the nudity was relevant to the plot, sometimes it wasn't, but let's be honest, who cares?

Lorraine Michaels was the Playboy playmate of the month in April 1981. As Liza Chamberlain she displays her talent in pouring coffee for Cody on his yacht. He needs to keep his mind on the job. She's one of the murder suspects.

Linda Wiesmaier was the Playboy playmate of the month in July 1982. She plays June Khnockers (don't forget the H), a racing driver who assists Cody in his investigations. As you can see, she's a fast girl.

The first two playmates play significant roles in the film, but the others are totally irrelevant to the plot. Kimberley McArthur (left) was the Playboy playmate of the month in January 1982. Barbara Edwards (right) was the Playboy playmate of the month in September 1983. They play two girls who sneak onto Cody's yacht to take a shower. They don't even make him coffee!

Normally I approve of showering together, but look how cramped the space is on the yacht. How can they possibly clean themselves?

The woman I find most beautiful in the film is the Austrian actress Sybil Danning. Though not actually a playmate, she was featured in the August 1983 issue of Playboy.

During her career she was typecast as a deadly woman (I shan't use the common French translation). Sometimes she was a good girl, sometimes she was bad, but she always left a string of dead bodies behind her.

Before you accuse Andy Sidaris of being sexist, he also cast men on the basis of their looks. He picked them from the pages of bodybuilding magazines. John Brown (left) was Mr. Universe in 1981 and 1982. Richard Prose (right) is credited as having been Mr. Arizona, but I don't know what year.

Andy Sidaris likes to fill his films with beautiful people, male and female, but he's not shy of appearing himself in cameo roles in most of his films.

I'm happy to say that the Blu-ray contains the extra features from the original DVD release. Julie Strain joins Andy in talking about each of his films. She used to think of herself as the unofficial spokesperson for Andy and his films. I wish she'd been in the film itself, but it was made five years before she began her acting career.

Andy claims that people have difficulty telling him and John Brown apart. I'm not sure. If I look carefully, I think I can tell the difference.

Seven [1979] (4 Stars)

"Seven" is a popular film title. I've been able to find nine films with this title. Film titles aren't usually copyrighted, so there might be even more as time passes. However, as far as I can tell, this is the first film that was given the title "Seven". There were no other films before 1979, so if there are ever new copyright laws demanding unique film titles, this will be the only Seven left. The others will have to change their names to alternatives like "Seven Point Zero", "Seven and a half" or "Seven and three quarters".

This film is directed by Andy Sidaris. In 2018 I reviewed all the films in the Andy Sidaris collection, but I omitted "Seven". I had a good reason. Even though he made two earlier films, "Stacey" (1973) and "Seven" (1979), his web site lists only 12 films (1985 to 1998) as his official collection. I don't know why. What I do know is that in 2018 the first two films were unavailable, so I considered them to be lost. Later in 2018 "Seven" was released on Blu-ray, but "Stacey" still isn't available.

In Hawaii seven gang bosses have united to carry out an audacious plan. They want to create chaos and lawlessness on the Hawaiian islands, driving the tourists away and causing financial ruin. Then they'll move in and take over the islands for themselves. They can't be stopped. Federal agents sent to investigate are murdered, along with top politicians. The boss of the FBI asks a former agent, Drew Savano, to deal with the matter outside of the law. He doesn't want any arrests, he just wants the gang bosses dead, and if Drew is caught it's bad luck, the FBI will deny knowledge of the operation.

Drew is given a budget of $7,000,000. With this money he hires six top assassins, all of them ruthless killers. In order to avoid warning the others, the assassinations have to take place simultaneously, each assassin using his or her unique talents.

That's Drew in the middle with five of his team. The blonde woman, Jennie, is an extra, the personal masseuse of Alexa (on the right).

This is a fast-moving action thriller, perfectly paced. It's not as camp as Andy's later films, but it already shows his trademark features: gratuitous nudity and big explosions. The only criticism I can make is that we hardly get to know the seven gang bosses. The seven good assassins are introduced in detail, but we don't know the bad guys well enough to relate to them.

If you watch the film carefully you'll recognise Andy Sidaris himself in a cameo.

As in his later films, Andy Sidaris hired the most beautiful women he could find by looking at the pages of magazines. Carol Needham was the Playboy Playmate of the Month for February 1979.

Susan Kiger was the Playboy Playmate of the Month for January 1977. I wish she would make coffee for me. Milk and no sugar, please.

Barbara Leigh appeared in Playboy twice, in May 1973 and January 1977. Maybe she wasn't named Playmate of the Month, but she still has some outstanding qualities.

There's a lot of beautiful scenery in the film, especially in the scenes where Alexa (Barbara Leigh) is flying in her helicopter to seek out her victim.

Beautiful scenery, but Barbara Leigh is even more beautiful, don't you think?

I intend to go back and rewatch the other Andy Sidaris films soon. They're too good to only watch them once... or twice... or three times. I've watched some of his films at least five times, and it's still not enough.