Fit To Kill (4½ Stars)

This is the eighth film in the Andy Sidaris collection, made in 1993. It's the first of his films to star the amazing Amazonian Julie Strain. Her autobiography is titled "Six foot one and worth the climb". That just about sums her up.

In case you're wondering about her height in this picture, Julie was in the habit of wearing six inch heels, so she towered over men. Not just average sized men like Andy. Even men who are six foot tall look small next to her.

When a girl's that tall you can get a stiff neck looking at her eyes while talking.

It's easier to look at her breasts.

Julie doesn't mind. Andy can look as much as he likes. I just don't understand why his face is so miserable.

"Cheer up, Andy! You know that I love you!"

When Julie Strain is in a film it's easy to forget there are other actors, but I'll pull myself together and try to say a few words about the rest. Geoffrey Moore returns as the arms dealer Kane. In "Do or die" he was introduced as Masakana Kaneshiro. In "Hard Hunted" he mysteriously turned into a Caucasian, so now he's called Martin Kane. Has nobody ever accused Andy Sidaris of whitewashing characters?

As you probably know, Geoffrey Moore is the son of Roger Moore. In this scene he pays tribute to his father. Was he auditioning to become the next James Bond? Probably not. It was Andy Sidaris telling the world that he was capable of directing the next Bond film. But whose legs are they? It can't possibly be Julie Strain, because the legs are too short.

You guessed! It's the beautiful federal agent Donna Hamilton, played by Dona Speir. In the last two films he tried to kill her, but now a romance develops between them. He's so enamoured with her that he promises to give up his life of crime. He just needs to do one last job.

Donna falls for the irresistible James Bond charm and offers herself to him.

Just like James Bond, Kane takes what he wants.

Here's where the similarity with James Bond ends. His father would never have allowed a girl to get on top. He would be too vulnerable.

But we shouldn't forget this is an Andy Sidaris film. The girls are always on top.

Donna Hamilton is beautiful but deadly. Don't get on her wrong side.

The same can be said of her fellow agent Nicole Justin. Don't mess with these girls.

You can run, but you can't hide.

Comic relief is supplied once more by Michael Shane as agent Shane Abilene. He sits polishing his gun, hoping to impress the rookie agent Sandy with its size. When she finds out he can't use it she only laughs.

Like Becky in the last film, the main job of rookie agents is making coffee for Ava.

Ava has her hands full as a secret agent working undercover as a disc jockey. She should make Shane fetch her coffee. He's good for nothing else.

It's difficult to take Ava seriously. She breathes sexy song dedications into the microphone which are really coded messages for the agents on the field. I know that there were no mobile phones in 1993, but was that really the only way to do it?

Cynthia Brimhall sings again, this time at a private party. It's not my type of music, but she's good to look at.

Here's Martin Kane standing with his inner circle. The man on the left (whose name I missed) is loyal to him, but he should be more careful with his female employees. Silk, played by Carolyn Liu, is a double agent who's been spying on him for the last two films. Julie Strain was sent to kill Kane, but she pretended to change her allegiance to him. Now she's waiting for another chance. I admit, it's difficult to make good decisions when surrounded by beautiful girls. Ironically, his arch-enemy Donna Hamilton is the only one he can trust.

Don't trust Julie Strain.

She never puts feelings above her job.

She'll distract you with her perfect body.

And she'll shoot you in cold blood.

I realise that this post has been more of a photo gallery than a review. I do that sometimes, especially when a film stars so many beautiful girls. I'll finish with a few words about the plot. A Chinese businessman is returning a large diamond that was stolen from a Russian museum in 1942. Kane wants to steal the diamond, not because of its value, but because he has a history with the businessman and wants to put him to shame. As is typical for the Andy Sidaris films, the plot is complex, and there are several twists in the last 15 minutes.

The film stars the same three former Playmates as the last film:

• Dona Spier (Donna) was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in March 1984.
• Roberta Vasquez (Nicole) was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in November 1984.
• Cynthia Brimhall (Edy) was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in October 1985.

But it's also worth mentioning Julie Strain. She was Penthouse Pet of the Month in June 1991, and she was Pet of the Year in 1993.

Julie Strain
February 18, 1962 – January 10, 2021