Enemy Gold (4½ Stars)

This is the ninth film in the Andy Sidaris collection, made in 1993. If you look at the film carefully, you'll see that it's the first film in the collection that Andy didn't direct himself. The previous films were directed by Andy Sidaris and produced by Arlene Sidaris, the perfect husband and wife team. "Enemy Gold" is directed by Drew Sidaris and produced by Christian Sidaris. If you're wondering who they are, it's one and the same person. Andy has a son whose name is Christian Drew Sidaris. Usually he calls himself Drew. Why he decided to split himself into two people for this film is incomprehensible.

According to an interview, Andy Sidaris wanted to step back and let his son direct his company's films. It didn't work out. Andy was on set and jumped in whenever he wasn't satisfied with something. The net effect is that whoever's name is on the box, it was really Andy who directed the film.

One thing curious is that this film has none of the characters from the previous films. It's a break in continuity. That doesn't mean that it has none of the actors. Julie Strain returns after being killed in "Fit To Kill". Last film she played an assassin called Blu Steele, this film she plays an assassin called Jewel Panther, who's killed again at the end of the film. Kill her as often as you like, she keeps coming back for more. Bruce Penhall also returns, In the last five films he played an agent called Bruce Christian, but now he's Chris Cannon. Strange. This is also the first film without an Abilene. In the first eight films we had Cody, Rowdy, Travis and Shane Abilene. Now they've all gone. Maybe the jokes about the bad shooting were getting stale.

It isn't just the characters who've changed. It's also the locations. The first eight films all took place mostly on the Hawaiian island Molokai, with a few smaller scenes in Louisiana, Las Vegas and Dallas. "Enemy Gold" takes place in Dallas and the surrounding areas. Sort of. "Enemy Gold" was actually filmed in Shreveport, Louisiana, but we're told that it's Texas. I suppose most people can't tell the difference.

The film is about the three agents Chris Cannon, Mark Austin and Becky Midnite being suspended from duty because of an unauthorised drug raid. Their boss Dickson suspends them from duty, but as we soon see the raid wasn't authorised because Dickson was being paid to protect the business of the drug lord Santiago, played by Rodrigo Obregon. Yes, he's back again. I need to make a list of the characters he plays in the Andy Sidaris films.

While the agents are suspended they go camping, but it isn't a quiet vacation. Santiago sends the deadly assassin Jewel Panther to kill them. While in the woods they find a sack of gold bullion that was stolen and buried by Confederate soldiers in 1865, giving the film its name.

These are the three agents in the isolated woods outside Dallas. Maybe not as isolated as they thought, because there's a man hiding behind a tree on the left. I assume that he was a member of the film crew who accidentally walked into the picture.

Bruce Penhall looks confused. Who's he supposed to be? Chris Cannon, Bruce Christian or Hondo? Hondo was his name as a bad guy in "Picasso Trigger".

Becky Midnite is played by the former Playmate Suzi Simpson. Her body is too beautiful to stay covered up.

The agents' former boss, Ava Noble, tries to protect them from Dickson's scheming. Another Ava? She's played by Tai Collins .

But my regular readers will already know that my favourite girl in the film is Julie Strain.

Julie was born to carry a gun.

The agents stare at her in awe. They've never seen anyone like her before. Well, Chris Cannon has seen her before, but that was in a previous life.

In this film there's only one short scene in which Julie Strain is naked. She's dancing around a camp fire with a knife. What a woman!

Santiago stares at her in awe. He's also never seen anyone like her before.

There's never been a woman like Julie Strain, and there never will be again.

Andy Sidaris knew she was someone special. He invited her to help him introduce the 12 films in his collection, even the films in which she didn't appear.

She teases him relentlessly to distract him from the film.

Now he's struggling to remember what film he's supposed to be talking about.

Oh, give up, Andy! Just stare at her breasts! You know you want to!

The film stars three former Playmates:

• Suzi Simpson (Becky) was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in January 1992.
• Kym Malin (Kym) was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in May 1982.
• Tai Collins (Ava) appeared in Playboy in October 1991.

Julie Strain was Penthouse Pet of the Month in June 1991, and she was Pet of the Year in 1993.