The Dallas Connection (5 Stars)

This is the tenth film in the Andy Sidaris collection, made in 1994. Like the previous film, "Enemy Gold", it was directed by Drew Sidaris, on paper at least. In actual fact it was Andy Sidaris who did everything. I can understand a father wanting his son to take over the family business, but Andy had to accept that Drew hadn't inherited his father's skills.

Like "Enemy Gold", the film takes place almost entirely in Dallas, not Molokai. Only the introductory scenes take place in other locations: Paris, South Africa and Hong Kong. Three scientists are killed, each by a beautiful sexy woman. A rocket is due to be launched into orbit which is able to see things buried far beneath the ground; things such as underground missile silos. The algorithm to see these things has been divided between four scientists. Now three are dead, and the fourth has to be protected at all costs. But as we discover, the fourth scientist is the one behind the assassinations.

I admit that the plot sounds infeasible. How can an algorithm be cut into four? And even if it really were possible, what's the point? Why not just hand it over to a trustworthy person in the American government? Splitting it between four people just increases the chance of losing the algorithm if one of them were to be killed. Let's just suspend disbelief and enjoy the sizzling action. I consider this to be the best film in the series so far.

The first assassin is Julie Strain as the appropriately named Black Widow. This is her third appearance in the Andy Sidaris films. Each time she's an assassin. In "Fit To Kill" she was Blu Steele. In "Enemy Gold" she was Jewel Panther. Both those characters were killed. Now she's Black Widow.

The second assassin is Julie K. Smith as Cobra. She's often called Little Julie to differentiate her from Julie Strain, who's Big Julie. Julie Smith is 5'6", whereas Julie Strain is 6'1½".

The third assassin is Wendy Hamilton as Scorpion. Maybe I should call her Not-A-Julie.

Mark Barriere and Bruce Penhall return as the agents Mark Austin and Chris Cannon. Is the fate of the world really in their hands? They're helpless when they face the three deadly females.

Fortunately they're assisted by Samantha Phillips as Agent Samantha Max. There has to be at least one agent who can think straight when facing a pair of bare breasts. Never send a man to do a woman's job.

Andy Sidaris does a brief cameo as a police detective.

But look! Drew Sidaris also does a cameo as a car mechanic. He appears in two scenes.

This film stars more former Penthouse pets than Playmates:

• Kym Malin (Kym) was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in May 1982.
• Wendy Hamilton (Scorpion) was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in December 1991.
• Julie Strain (Black Widow) was Penthouse Pet of the Month in June 1991, and she was Pet of the Year in 1993.
• Julie K. Smith (Cobra) was Penthouse Pet of the Month in February 1993. She also appeared in Playboy in November 1995 (after this film).
• Samantha Phillips (Samantha) was Penthouse Pet of the Month in June 1993.

How many of you knew that Julie Strain has a sister called Lizzy? She doesn't appear in the film, but she joins Julie to help Andy introduce the film. He doesn't know which way to look.

Julie makes the decision a bit easier.

Julie helps her little sister learn how to shoot.

"You too can be a killer like me!"

"Julie, this is too easy! The men just stand and stare while I shoot them!"

Lizzy should have appeared in a film called "Battle Zone Hawaii" alongside Nicki Fritz and Victoria Zdrok. For reasons unknown to me, this film was never made. I would like to have seen Lizzy in action.