Venom: The Last Dance (4 Stars)

Venom: The Last Dance, more commonly known as Venom 3, arrives with a sense of finality, but also a feeling of diminishing returns. After the bruising odd-couple energy of Venom and the more confident comic-book silliness of Let There Be Carnage, this third instalment feels thinner, safer and oddly less sure of what makes the series work.

The most obvious problem is the script. The earlier films thrived on the anarchic push-and-pull between Eddie Brock and his alien lodger; their bickering, co-dependence and warped affection gave the chaos a human core. Here, that dynamic is still present but watered down. The dialogue leans on familiar jokes rather than sharpening them, and the emotional beats feel pre-packaged rather than earned. What once felt anarchic now feels routine.

Tom Hardy remains committed; he always does. Yet even his dual performance struggles against a story that gives him fewer interesting situations to play. In the first two films, Eddie was constantly reacting to an unstable world and an even more unstable voice in his head. In The Last Dance, he often feels like he is being carried from set-piece to set-piece, reacting less and explaining more. Exposition replaces escalation, which is rarely a good trade.

The villain problem also returns with a vengeance. One of the weaknesses in Let There Be Carnage was its rushed antagonist, but at least Carnage had a clear personality and a grotesque mirror-image quality. Venom 3 introduces threats that are bigger in scale but flatter in character. They exist to be obstacles, not provocations, which drains the confrontations of tension. When everything is cosmic, nothing feels personal.

Tonally, the film seems uncertain whether it wants to be a scrappy anti-hero comedy or a sombre farewell. The earlier films embraced their silliness; this one often apologises for it. Moments that should feel outrageous are undercut by a muted visual palette and a surprisingly cautious direction. The rough-edged, slightly disreputable charm of the first Venom is replaced by something closer to a standard studio template.

In the end, Venom 3 is not a disaster; it's watchable, occasionally amusing and competently made. But compared to its predecessors, it feels like a retreat. Where the first two films doubled down on their weirdness and let Hardy and his symbiote run wild, this finale plays things too straight and too safe. For a series built on chaos, that restraint is its greatest weakness.

Success Rate:  + 2.4

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Venom: The Last Dance (3½ Stars)

A new Marvel film, so I had to go to the cinema. I'm a Marvel addict. I was disappointed with the second Venom film, and I was scared that "The Last Dance" would be even worse, but I went anyway.

Maybe it's better, but only slightly better. The story in general is more serious, but there's still too much comedy in the interaction between Eddie Brock and the symbiote. Whose idea was it to make them a comedy duo? And why does the symbiote keep coming half out like a sock puppet? It looks ridiculous. In this film an excuse is given, but it's a weak excuse. A powerful being called Knull is searching for a codex (whatever that is) which is carried by the symbiote. It's only visible when Eddie and the symbiote are fully connected. I know, it really is a poor excuse.

No more spoilers. All I'll say is that there's an after-credits scene, but you have to wait a long time for it. In the cinema today some of the people waited, but the credits were so long that they grew impatient and walked out. When the after-credits scene finally came, only three people, including me, were sitting watching it. 

Spider-Man: No Way Home (5 Stars)

Today I watched the "More Fun Stuff" version of the film in the cinema. That's a silly name. Couldn't they just have called it the Extended Version? That would have been more dignified.

I'll refrain from writing about the film itself, even though I didn't say much about it in my past reviews. I'll just comment on the More Fun Stuff changes. The added scenes, a total of 13 minutes, are almost entirely at the beginning of the film, apart from a new after-credits scene. In my opinion, the new scenes don't improve the film at all. They're mostly interviews which just slow the film down. I'm not saying the scenes are bad, I'm just saying that it doesn't matter whether they're in the film or not. If there's a More Fun Stuff Blu-ray release, I'll only buy it if it's very cheap.

The original theatrical version had an after-credits scene that was effectively a trailer for "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness". The More Fun Stuff version has an after-credits scene with Betty Brant praising her fellow students on being accepted into college. It's a cute scene, but totally unnecessary.

Here are a few sketches used in the final credits. They're simple but beautiful. I wish I were a gifted artist. Or even an average artist. I can't draw at all. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm a zero.

Success Rate:  + 8.4

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Spider-Man: No Way Home (5 Stars)

This is the 27th film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). If you think that I must be smart to remember something like that, you're over-estimating me. I have a list of the films in a spreadsheet which I keep open while writing about MCU films. I also have little green stickers on the spines of my MCU Blu-ray discs, so I know what order they should be on my bookshelf.

Logically, "No Way Home" (I'll abbreviate the title) continues from the 26 previous MCU films, but it's unique in that it incorporates elements from non-MCU films. The film is all about the multiverse, so it re-introduces characters from previous versions of Spider-Man. In particular, we see the previous actors who played Spider-Man reprising their roles.

Three Spider-Men! Or should I say three Spider-Mans? What's the rule for the plural of proper names? Someone who's as fanatical about the English language as me ought to know the answer to that question. Please don't ask me when we meet in person, because I'd be sure to turn bright red.

Welcome back, Spider-Man #1, played by Tobey Maguire from 2002 to 2007. He's aged in the last 15 years. Haven't we all? I wish they'd used makeup to make him look younger.

Welcome back, Spider-Man #2, played by Andrew Garfield from 2012 to 2014. His career was cut short when "Amazing Spider-Man 3" was cancelled. I was never happy that Peter Parker's father was made an important character, but I wish the third part of the trilogy had been made to tie up the loose ends. The final scene of "Amazing Spider-Man 2" introduced the Rhino, possibly as a member of the Sinister Six, but the next film was never made.

Accompanying the Spider-Mans into the Marvel Cinematic Universe are Doctor Octopus, Green Goblin, Sandman, Electro and the Lizard. Strangely, the wrong version of Venom was drawn into the MCU. Eddie Brock from Earth-TRN688 arrived, not Eddie Brock from Earth-96283. I assume this was a blunder, because there's no logical reason for it.

The story is continued in the 28th MCU film, "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness", which I plan to watch later this week. The two films couldn't be more different. "No Way Home" is a serious film, whereas "Multiverse of Madness" is spoilt by too much humour. Still, I'm biased in favour of Sam Raimi, so I'll make an effort to enjoy "Multiverse of Madness" when I watch it again.

Happy Hogan uses a CPAP machine to get eight hours of undisturbed sleep.

This is Zendaya's third film as Peter Parker's girlfriend MJ. She looks more attractive in each film. Remind me to publish a photo gallery showing her development from film to film.

Tasty! I'd visit her café for a donut every day.

Peter Parker doesn't have a sweet tooth. He just orders a cup of coffee.

One question is left unanswered, in this film at least: are there just three Spider-Mans or many many more? Maybe there are many versions of Mike Hood aka Dancer in the multiverse. Some of them probably write better blogs than me. I should meet them to get a few pointers. Or maybe I'm a singularity who only exists in one universe. Until then, don't forget:

I am Dancer.

Success Rate:  + 7.5

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The King's Man (5 Stars)

Disney Wednesday #8

This is a prequel to the 2015 film "Kingsman", sometimes known as "Kingsman: The Secret Service". It shows how the Kingsman spy organisation came about at the beginning of the 20th Century.

The film's main character is Ralph Fiennes as Orlando Oxford, the Duke of Oxford. He was a war hero in the Boer War, but he became a pacifist after being disgusted by what his country was doing. When the First World War breaks out, his son Conrad is determined to join the army, but he refuses to give him permission while he's underage. In 1916 Conrad turns 18, so he's able to sign up for the army without his father's permission. Orlando is a friend of King George, so he asks the king to keep him away from the fighting. Conrad realises what's happening, so when he's posted to a position in London he exchanges identities with a young Scottish soldier. Conrad volunteers for a dangerous mission on the front line, and he's awarded a Victoria Cross. Posthumously.

The First World War was a family affair. King George of England, Kaiser Wilhelm of Germany and Tsar Nicholas of Russia were cousins. This didn't stop them sending armies against one another. Orlando tried diplomacy to make the three cousins stop fighting and be friends, but it wasn't possible.

Britain and Russia were allies against Germany. A shadowy Scottish figure who calls himself the Shepherd wants Germany to win the war, so he uses the monk Rasputin to persuade Nicholas to withdraw his troops. This puts Orlando in a difficult position. He wants the war to end, but not with Germany as victor, so he has to stop Rasputin.

The Kingsman spy agency isn't formed until 1919 when the war is over.Orlando has learnt lessons from the conflict. There has to be a secret society that isn't controlled by any government, a society which is able to work for peace.

Gemma Arterton plays Polly, a maid who becomes one of Kingsman's founders. A maid? The film is anachronistic in its portrayal of women. In those dark days of male chauvinism women didn't have equal rights, but the Duke of Oxford treats her as his equal. She may work for him, as far as the outside world is concerned, but she's his closest companion and trusted advisor.

"The King's Man" has less humour than the two Kingsman films set in the present day. I can't say whether that's good or bad in itself, but it gives the film a different style to the others.

The film is available for streaming on Disney Plus only five months after it was in the cinema. I'm glad, for purely selfish reasons, but that's a sign that the film wasn't successful at the box office. That's unfortunate. Adolf Hitler is introduced in a mid credits scene, so I was hoping for a sequel to be made soon. There's still hope.

Hitler is played by the young German actor David Kross. In Germany playing Hitler is a right of passage. It happens to every actor at some point in his career, even if he doesn't have a physical resemblance. Am I exaggerating? When I have time I'll make a list of all the German actors who've played Hitler.

A film that's found its way to streaming even faster is "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness". It's streaming less than two months after it was released, and only three weeks after I saw it in the cinema.

Success Rate:  - 0.7

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The 51st State (5 Stars)

I've interrupted my series of true stories because of sad news that I heard today. The singer Meat Loaf, real name Marvin Lee Aday, died yesterday at the age of 74. The cause of death hasn't yet been disclosed. He's best known as a singer, but he's also appeared in 45 films, so I decided to watch one of his films to remember him. I have two of his films in my collection, but I'll only be watching "The 51st State", because it's one of my favourite films. No, it isn't in my top 100 film list, but it ought to be.

I used one of his early photos to head this post, not a screenshot from the film, because he plays a character with a scarred face.

This is what he looks like in the film. Not a very typical look for him.

Meat Loaf's first album was "Bat out of Hell", released in 1977. I bought it after hearing the title track played on the radio. I loved it immediately, but I admit that it wasn't Meat Loaf's singing that attracted me. It was the searing guitar played by Todd Rundgren. Todd produced his first album, and as I've mentioned before, Todd Rundgren wasn't a normal record producer. He effectively took over the albums he produced, giving them his own sound. If you look at the credits of "Bat out of Hell" you'll see that the other musicians are Roger Powell (synthesizers), John Wilcox (drums) and Kasim Sulton (bass guitar). This was the complete line up of Todd's band Utopia. "Bat out of Hell" could be considered a Utopia album with a guest singer.

I wasn't as enthusiastic over Meat Loaf's second album, "Dead Ringer". It wasn't too bad, but it wasn't a Utopia album. Added to that, Meat Loaf's voice was less powerful. His third album, "Midnight at the Lost and Found", was a disappointment to me. After that I stopped following his music and didn't buy his following albums.

It wasn't until the early 2000's that I rediscovered his music. I heard some very good songs, and I found out they were taken from "Bat out of Hell 2", released in 1993. It was a very good album, despite not being produced by Todd Rundgren. It contained several moving ballads. I checked out his other albums, and it's my personal opinion that his second to fifth albums should be forgotten. They were below par, but his sixth album, "Bat out of Hell 2", was a masterpiece, almost up to the quality of "Bat out of Hell". After that all his albums were good. They seemed to be getting heavier from album to album, and his voice had regained its old power.

Summing up his albums, "Eight out of twelve ain't bad".

I don't want to write anything about "The 51st State" today, except to say that it's a brilliant British gangster film. It has similarities with Guy Ritchie's films "Snatch" and "Lock, Stock and two Smoking Barrels".

This afternoon I listened to "Bat out of Hell 2". It's late now, but I'll listen to "Bat out of Hell" before I go to bed. I'll listen to some of his other albums over the weekend.

Success Rate:  - 1.9

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The King's Man (5 Stars)

This film is a prequel to the other two Kingsman films. They take place in the present day, whereas "The King's Man" takes place in the early 20th Century.

The film's story is fictional, but it's wrapped around historical events. These events determine the film's pacing, giving it a stop and start rhythm. A mysterious Scottish figure, whose identity isn't revealed until the end of the film, is steering European events. He wants to start a large war which will destroy England and free the Scottish people. He sends an agent to assassinate Franz Ferdinand, which is the beginning of World War One. The two sides are evenly balanced, so first he incites a revolution in Russia to make Russia abandon the war. Then he undertakes plans to stop America joining the war on England's side.

I shan't give any more details about the plot. Spoilers! All I'll say is that "The King's Man" is a magnificent film. If I'd seen it on its original release date in mid December it would have been the best film of 2021. The releases date was pushed back to January, so I'll have to wait to see its competition later this year. It's a film that has it all: military action, spies and international intrigue.

A mid credits scene gives a hook leading to a possible sequel, also taking place before the two first films. I'm looking forward to it.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (5 Stars)

I finally got a chance to see the new Spider-Man film today. It's been sold out for the last two weeks, unlike "The Matrix Resurrections", which hasn't been so popular with cinema audiences.

I don't want to give away too much for a new film, so I'll restrict myself to what we see in the trailer. At the end of "Spider-Man: Far From Home" it was announced to the world that Peter Parker was Spider-Man. This has disrupted his life, so he visits Doctor Strange and asks him to cast a spell to make everyone forget who he is. The spell tampers with the multiverse, so we see various enemies from other versions of Spider-Man appear to challenge him.

To get technical: this film, along with the whole of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), takes place in a universe called Earth-199999.

Sam Raimi's Spider-Man films take place in Earth-96283.

The Amazing Spider-Man films take place in Earth-120703.

Don't blame me! I didn't invent these numbers!

On a less technical level, after the merging and alliances of various film studios, there was a push to reconcile the different versions of Spider-Man with one another. This idea scared me. It's a recipe for disaster. I was pleasantly surprised that the film turned out so well. It's chaotic. Anyone who walks in who hasn't watched dozens of Marvel films over the last 18 years won't have any idea what's going on. Nevertheless, "No Way Home" accurately captures the style and atmosphere of Marvel comics. The plot gets ridiculous as it progresses – no spoilers! – but it fits the story.

Maybe just one spoiler: Wong is now the Sorcerer Supreme? That's just silly!

The Boat that Rocked (4 Stars)

Bill Nighy, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Nick Frost and Rhys Ifans walk the plank? Say it ain't so!

This is a cute little comedy that amuses me every time I watch it. It's not just the excellent actors, including a small appearance by Gemma Arterton. It's the whole 1960's atmosphere. Pirate radio ships were a part of British culture. They were a phenomenon unique to the UK, so I need to explain what they were to my readers from other countries. In the early 1960's British radio broadcasting was in a state of chaos. It was a time of musical revolution, sparked by groups like the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, but the BBC never played their music. In the absence of the Internet, people who weren't hip knew that a group called the Rolling Stones existed, but they'd never heard their music.

The BBC had a broadcasting monopoly in the United Kingdom. Private radio stations weren't allowed to broadcast. This led to the creation of pirate radio stations. They anchored boats in international waters, just outside of the British territorial waters, and broadcast pop music 24 hours a day. It's estimated that more than half of the British population, mostly younger people, listened to pirate radio stations regularly. This was a thorn in the eye to the BBC and the UK government in general, so they spent years trying to find ways to make them illegal.

The most popular pirate radio station was Radio Caroline. The radio station in the film, Radio Rock, is clearly based on Radio Caroline. Several of the film's DJs are clearly based on famous Radio Caroline DJs like Tony Blackburn, Terry Wogan and Emperor Rosco. Maybe they all are. I really must listen to the director's commentary to hear what Richard Curtis has to say about the cast.

"The Boat that Rocked" isn't just a film about the 1960's, it's a film in the style of the 1960's comedies. Rather than telling a single story, there are multiple situations taking place side by side. Government ministers are struggling to make new laws. The nephew of the boat owner is trying to find out who his father is. A DJ is heartbroken when a woman marries him only to get close to another DJ. Girls visit the boat every second Saturday to have sex with the DJs, because no women are allowed to live on the boat. The only exception to this rule is Felicity, the ship's cook. She's a lesbian, which means that she's not a real woman. The others on the ship call her lesbionic. Nice word. I'd use it myself, if I were sure that women didn't find it offensive

This is a film that desperately needs a Director's Cut. The Blu-ray contains 44 minutes of deleted scenes that were only removed because the film was too long. That's tragic. Unfortunately, the film was a financial failure, so it's unlikely that the studios would approve a Director's Cut. Maybe the topic is too obscure for cinema audiences outside of the UK. It's worth watching by anyone who loves music, 1960's or later.

Success Rate:  - 1.4

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Little Nicky (5 Stars)

Dancer's Top Films #82

Here's something strange. Today, 16th February 2021, my last review of "Little Nicky", which I wrote on 16th January 2019, is one of my most commonly read posts. It's been in my top 10 for more than a month, and it's currently in fifth place. When I first wrote the post it only had a moderate amount of readers, not enough for it to enter my top 10. Then it was (mostly) forgotten for two years, until December 2020. Here are the readership stats for the post.

That's weird. The beginning is typical for my posts. 113 hits in January 2019, 9 hits in February 2019, then 0 hits in March 2019. Most of my film posts follow a similar curve. 50 to 100 for the first month is typical for new posts, not enough to enter the top 10. After that, interest drops. If you look at my current list, only one film review this month, "Ip Man 4", has received enough hits to enter my list. The rest are older reviews that have remained popular for one reason or another. My "Little Nicky" post was largely ignored until March 2020. Then there was slight interest for eight months. Then bang! The readership figures shot up in December 2020, and they've remained high for the last three months. Someone pointed out to me that "Little Nicky" was added to Netflix for the first time at the end of last year, but that doesn't explain it. I have lots of reviews of films which are shown on Netflix.

The simple truth is that I don't understand my readers. There must be something that's attracted them to my post, but I have no idea what it is.

After all that rambling about my old review, let's start my new review, I'm curious if it will be as popular.

The film's premise is ridiculous, to say the least, but it's easy to accept in the context of a comedy. It's been ordained that each ruler of Hell has a 10,000 year term in office. Americans are lucky that their president has to be re-elected every four years. Imagine if they had to put up with Donald Trump for another 9,996 years! Satan (most ably portrayed by Harvey Keitel) declares that his 10,000 years are almost up, so it's time to pick one of his sons as his successor. From right to left, the sons are:

Adrian, smart and ruthless.

Cassius, smart and tough.

Nicky, such a sweet boy.

Satan announces that he won't pick anyone because he's decided to remain in power for another 10,000 years. Nicky rejoices, because he thinks his Daddy is a good Devil. Adrian and Cassius are angry, so they hatch a plot to kill their father. They go to Earth – New York. Where else? – which automatically causes Hell to freeze over. Unless they return, Satan will slowly fall apart. Nicky is sent to New York to capture his brothers and bring them back.

There's a frantic search for the two sons of Satan, in which Nicky is aided by various people. There are two heavy metal loving Satanists. We know that all heavy metal fans worship Satan, don't we?

There's a bulldog called Beefy.

There's a pretty young girl called Valerie.

There's a bulldog called Beefy. Or did I already mention him?

Yes, I did, but in my last review I promised to post a few more photos of him. Isn't he cute?

There's only one thing wrong with him? Can you spot it?

Now you see it. He won't let go of the television remote. That's bad manners. If two or more people are watching television together, the remote should be in a central place where anyone can grab it.

But he's so cute.

Wouldn't you fall in love with a dog like Beefy?

A look like this would melt anyone's heart.

Admit it, you'd immediately let him in if he were standing outside your window.

He's a horny dog. This is the only sex scene in the film.

You can't accuse Beefy of racism. He likes human women as well. Hmmm... but that isn't racism, it's specism. Does that word even exist?

This is a brilliant film that's appealed to me ever since I first saw it in the cinema. Is it too low in my list? Probably. And it's criminal that it still hasn't been remastered for Blu-ray.

Success Rate:  - 1.5

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