General: My Film Ratings

I recently received a comment on my post about "Blazing Saddles", which I shall quote here in full:

I take issue with your 1/2 star deduction for what you say is a slow start to the movie. I only take issue because after looking through some of the other reviews I was astonished to see the following:

Legally Blonde (5 Stars)
Little Nicky (5 Stars)
Thelma & Louise (5 Stars)
and one that I actually recommended Sweet Home Alabama (4 1/2 stars).

While Sweet Home Alabama is an amazing movie it should be no where near the cinematic genius that is Blazing Saddles. I know it has to be difficult to rate the movies using this system but I just thought you should see some of us do pay attention to the ratings you bestow upon these movies. I would love to see a way to sort things by their ratings, would be nice to get a better understanding of how you hand out the stars. 

I'm very happy when I get comments like this, so I've decided to answer it in public, not as a reply to the comment which might otherwise have remained unnoticed.

I don't really have a system for giving ratings. It's based on my purely subjective feelings when I watch a film. If I love it it gets a 5, if I hate it it gets a 1, and everything else gets a rating in between. I know it's difficult to compare films of different types. If I put a horror film and a romantic comedy next to one another and ask which is better it's difficult to give an answer. I try to rate a film within the parameters of what it is and what it's meant to achieve: If it's a comedy, does it make me laugh? If it's a horror, does it scare me? If it's a pornographic film, does it arouse me?

More than anything else it matters whether a film has a message I can take with me. The question I ask, whatever the genre, is "Does the film speak to me?" Can I relate to the main characters? Can I relate to where they live? Can I relate to their problems? While I'm usually open and attempt to enjoy anything, there are certain things I can't relate to. I don't enjoy films with excessive violence against women or children. I don't like films set in Victorian England, because the whole restricted system disturbs me. I don't like pornographic films without a plot, because random copulating bodies seems pointless.

Sometimes my opinion of a film changes over time. The best example I can think of is the Lord of the Rings trilogy. When I first watched the films in the cinema I was amazed, I would have given them 5 stars if my blog had already existed at the time. Then I watched them again and found them less enjoyable. In total I've watched them four times, and each time I liked them less. I would probably give them a 3-star rating now, because they no longer speak to me. Other films grow on me. An example is "The Majestic", which annoyed me on first viewing but improved with repeated viewing.

Sometimes I watch a film and I just know I'm giving it an unfair rating, and I usually say so. I give Alfred Hitchcock's films relatively low ratings, for which I apologise. I used to like them when I was younger, but they no longer speak to me.

Having said all of the above, I'm always glad of criticism. When I reviewed "The Warrior" in another blog I wrote for briefly I gave it 3 stars and said that I didn't understand it. A friend of mine sat with me for an hour explaining it -- it's loosely based on a true story -- after which I watched it again and gave it 5 stars. If anyone thinks I've rated a film too high or too low, please tell me and I'll think it over. Some films are easy for me to rate, whereas others are difficult, and even while writing my post I'm unsure. To take an example, the Harry Potter films are difficult for me to rate. Maybe next time I watch them I may have a better idea.

But let's finish by discussing the five films used as examples in the comment that I quoted.

1. "Blazing Saddles" -- Maybe this deserves 5 stars. A factor in giving the rating was that I think "Young Frankenstein" is better.

2. "Sweet Home Alabama" -- Even though a direct comparison is impossible, I agree that "Blazing Saddles" is a better film. Maybe I should drop the rating to 4¼ Stars.

3. "Legally Blonde" -- You're not the first person to criticise me for giving this 5 stars. Yes, I know this is a ditzy superficial film, but I like it. I like it a lot. Something about it is heartwarming. I agree that it deserves a lower rating, objectively speaking, but I'm not objective. Sorry. It might not be a film for everyone, but it's a film I've watched repeatedly and enjoyed every time.

4. "Little Nicky" -- I refuse to budge on this. The film is a work of genius on so many levels. I know it's received mixed reviews, but to anyone who doesn't like it I just say watch it again and you'll like it more.

5. "Thelma and Louise" -- Does anyone doubt this film is a classic? Are you really criticising my rating? It's brilliant.

This ain't the Smurfs XXX (4 Stars)

Smurfs taste like licorice.

Those of us who have watched "Donnie Darko" know Donnie's thoughts about Smurfs:

"Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?"

This film is Axel Braun's answer. We see that the Smurfs are far from being asexual. Naive, yes. Asexual, no.

Brainy Smurf has invented a teleportation device to travel to a random location. Together with Smurfette and Papa Smurf he travels to the headquarters of Hustler magazine. Gargamel converts one of his minions, Sansette, into a Smurf and sends her after them to seduce and capture them. When she doesn't return Gargamel follows her and they all end up in the Hustler offices.

This is a very visual film. I feel tempted to include screenshots, but this is isn't an adult blog. Even when I write about pornographic films I want my posts to be PG. This is a cute film, funny and sexy. I recommend it to anyone who likes the Smurfs or has a blue skin fetish.

At this point I'd like to bring up another subject. Axel Braun has attempted to fight the illegal distribution of pornographic films on the Internet. As far as I know, his attempts to take legal action have all failed so far. It seems to me that the American legal system is biased against pornography. If it were a case of preventing the downloading of "normal" respectable films the courts would be much faster to act. This is a gross injustice to the actors and makers of pornographic films who work just as hard as their mainstream counterparts, but earn less money. Mr. Braun has to fight an uphill battle against the prejudices of the country he lives in.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (4½ Stars)

A storm is coming.

Harry Potter is coming of age. I don't just mean the character, I mean the film series as well. I'm glad that the swearing has been toned down since the last film. It's restricted to one exclamation from Ron's lips.

Harry is now 15 and in the 5th form (commonly called Year 10 to align it with the school systems in other European countries). He has his first kiss with Cho. Ah, that brings back memories. I had my first kiss when I was in the 5th form as well, though I was already 16 at the time. It was a clumsy kiss with Mandy Stickland, a friend of my sister's, outside her house in Aldridge after I walked her home. It was nowhere near as romantic as Harry's first kiss. My second kiss, a few days later, was better. Not as hurried, and more passionate. And yet it's the first kiss that I'll always remember. In fact, even though my relationship with Mandy lasted three months it's that one kiss that I remember more clearly than anything else.

Non-Americans probably don't realise that Dolores Umbridge is based on Mary Whitehouse, the bigoted anti-immorality and anti-progress campaigner of the 1970's and 1980's. History will remember her as a person who did evil in the name of good. If she were alive today she would be campaigning to ban the Internet because of its adverse effect on morals. When I was young she scared me; I thought that she would harm the society I was growing up in. Fortunately my fears were unfounded. She faded into obscurity after an injury in 1988 and died in 2001, having failed to bring about changes in any of the issues that meant so much to her.

This is the darkest of the Harry Potter films so far, and contains hints for the following stories. I'm glad that I'm watching them at last. But I'm still not tempted to read the books.

Sweet Home Alabama (4½ Stars)

Lightning never strikes twice in the same place? Only in Alabama.

This film is a good example of the differences between the tastes of critics and normal people. Critics tore the film apart and gave it poor reviews, but it was a box office smash and has become an enduring favorite. Since I consider myself a normal person, not a critic, I side with the viewing public.

So what do the critics hate? Romantic comedies are a film genre that's already cast in stone with basic rules that aren't deviated from. They're predictable. They're told from a woman's perspective, and we know from the beginning who she will end up with, however many disappointments and setbacks there might be on the way. Maybe, objectively speaking, this is a reason to criticise this film and the whole genre it belongs to. But moviegoers enjoy a feel-good film with a happy ending.

Melanie Smooter and Jake Perry are childhood sweethearts in Pigeon Creek, Alabama. They grow up and get married, but the fairytale romance doesn't work out. Melanie runs away to New York, changes her name to Melanie Carmichael and becomes a successful fashion designer. She dates the city's most eligible bachelor, the son of the New York mayor. When he proposes to her she rushes back to Alabama to clean up a loose end: she's still married to Jake.

Of course, as soon as Melanie and Jake get together we see the chemistry and know they'll reunite. Only someone who's never seen a romantic comedy before wouldn't see it coming. Predictable, but I'm not complaining. The film's strength isn't only in the romance itself. It contrasts the life of the big city and the small town. It contrasts the life of the North and the South. The North/South divide in the USA is something I never truly understood before I lived in America. The South may have lost the Civil War, but the nostalgia for the pre-war days is still strong 150 years later. Melanie finds herself realising how much she's missed when she treds the soil of Alabama for the first time in seven years.

Click here to view the trailer.

Incidentally, Charlize Theron was originally signed to play Melanie, but she jumped out at the last moment. This was lucky. I can't imagine anyone but Reese Witherspoone in the role.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter (4½ Stars)

This is one of those films that I sat down to watch with the completely wrong expectations. I expected it to be a camp comedy. I mean, with a name like that what do you expect? And even the trailer seemed to point in that direction. But I was wrong, very wrong. This is a very serious film that doesn't play for laughs. The figure of Abraham Lincoln isn't ridiculed in the slightest, he is presented as a true hero, fighting for the country that he loves so much. History isn't changed in the film, the vampirism is cleverly woven into the historical events that children learn in school.

When Abraham was a child he witnessed his mother being killed. Years later he finds out that the killer was a vampire, so he works as a vampire slayer before entering politics. When he becomes president he learns that the true reason that the South wants to retain slavery is so that the slaves' blood can be used to feed the large vampire community in the South. The southern leaders enlist vampires to battle at Gettysburg. As the only person in the government who knows the truth of what is happening he has to devise a plan to defeat the army of the undead.

The quality of this film is astounding. It starts slowly and builds up momentum towards the end. I won't post a link to the trailer. It's awful. Just watch the film, and prepare to be amazed. And I shouldn't forget to mention Rufus Sewell, one of my favorite actors, especially when he plays a villain. He sends shivers down my spine whenever he enters a scene.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (4 Stars)

Both the characters and the story are maturing, as I suspected when I watched the previous film in the Harry Potter series. Most noticeable to me was the introduction of swearing to the film, all spoken by Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint). I almost jumped up in shock when he told Harry to "Piss off", and he used the exclamation "Bloody Hell" several times in the rest of the film. I personally found this unpleasant, and I hope that the bad language won't get even worse in the remaining films.

The film is characterised by a darker element than the previous three films. Death is now a reality, as we see in the case of Cedric being killed only a short time after he became Harry's friend and companion. Harry, Ron and Hermione are now 14, and they are beginning to have teenage angst, not knowing who to invite to the dance. I'm enjoying the films as a series; together they're more than the sum of their parts.

High Anxiety (4 Stars)

This film is a parody of Alfred Hitchcock's "Vertigo", with frequent references to other Hitchcock films, such as "Spellbound", "Psycho", "North by Northwest" and "The Birds". The film is written, directed and produced by Mel Brooks, who also plays the leading role and sings the theme song.

Dr. Richard Thorndyke (Mel Brooks) takes over as the head of a mental asylum, after the previous head dies under mysterious circumstances. Dr. Thorndyke tries to unravel the mystery, but he is hampered by his fear of heights.

This is a departure from Mel Brooks' usual style, but nevertheless enjoyable. A treat for Hitchcock fans.

Twelve Chairs (3 Stars)

The film takes place in Russia in 1927, ten years after the revolution. The mother of a previous Russian nobleman reveals on her deathbed that she had hidden the family jewels by sewing them into the lining of one of their dinner table chairs. These chairs were later confiscated by the Bolsheviks. The rest of the film is devoted to the hunt for the 12 chairs, which have since been divided and sold separately.

This is the only film directed by Mel Brooks for which he did not write the story himself, so it can be argued that this isn't a real Mel Brooks film. To use the technical terms, it isn't an original screenplay, it's an adapted screenplay. The film has elements of the slapstick that characterises his later films, but it isn't up to the usual high standards we expect from him.

I found out today that the Russian novel this film is based on has been filmed 18 times between 1933 and 2011. Eighteen times? I wonder what it is about the story that captures the imagination of audiences and film makers.

Silent Movie (4½ Stars)

With the exception of "Young Frankenstein", which I've watched a few times, I haven't watched any of Mel Brooks' films for at least 10 years. I don't know why. After rewatching "Blazing Saddles" yesterday and "Silent Movie" today I'm reminding myself just how good they are. His films are funny and intelligent at the same time.

This film has a circular plot. Mel Brooks has made a silent film about himself making a silent movie. That's it. The humour isn't in the overall plot, it's in the individual situations. This is silent film slapstick at its best. The highlight of the film, in my opinion, is Marty Feldman. Though he's best known for his television appearances, this film is what I'll always remember him for. Tragically, he died at the young age of 48. What a waste!

Blazing Saddles (4½ Stars)

I admit it. After watching "Django Unchained" I couldn't resist the temptation to watch "Blazing Saddles" again. It's been a few years since I last watched it and I wanted to see it again. Apart from that, after the last depressing film this morning I needed to watch a comedy to cheer myself up.

The first time I heard about "Blazing Saddles" was in my late teens through a friend called Nick (Nicholas Keane). He told me that whenever he wanted to impress a new girlfriend he took her to see "Blazing Saddles" in the cinema. I have no idea how that was possible. Maybe it was being shown for a long period of time at a cinema in Birmingham? I know that, for instance, "Ryan's Daughter" was shown for six months at a cinema. I can't imagine anything like that being done today. Anyway, I never felt inclined to see the film because I associated it with Nick's romantic flings.

Then I went to study in West Berlin. I liked the German way of having film seasons on specific directors. For instance, every day a different film directed by Ingmar Bergman was shown. Then films directed by Mel Brooks were shown. I didn't even realise that I was going to see "Blazing Saddles" because it had been renamed in Germany to "The wild, wild west". Don't you just hate it when they rename films?

The film impressed me greatly, and I could understand why Nick liked to take his girlfriends to see it. It's a western parody, and it's just funny from beginning to end. A black man is appointed sheriff in a racist town in Texas. As in "Django Unchained" the N word is used abundantly. The film starts slowly, which is why I deducted half a star, but builds up momentum throughout. The final 10 minutes are a masterpiece.

Here's the German film poster. I prefer it to the original American poster, apart from the film being renamed. If you look carefully it does say "Blazing Saddles" at the bottom left.

Eine andere Liga (3 Stars)

"Nach dem Spiel ist vor dem Spiel".

This German football quote from the 1950's, which has since risen to the level of a proverb, fascinates me. The literal English translation sounds ridiculous. The best way to express it in English is "There's always another game", or maybe "There's always tomorrow".

This is a depressing film. It made me cry a lot, and not in a good way. It begins with 20-year-old Hayat being diagnosed with breast cancer and having a breast removed. This is a horror that no man could fully comprehend, but the talented young actress Karoline Herfurth manages to express it with her actions, facial expressions and tears. After being released from hospital she joins a football team and falls in love with the trainer. She finds new hope -- nach dem Spiel ist vor dem Spiel -- but whatever happiness and success she experiences is made bitter by the knowledge that a new tragedy is waiting to happen.

At the end, during the credits, people are shown being interviewed and asked to explain what the offside rule in football is. The answers are mostly comical. Finally the interviewer says to the camera, "Everyone knows what offside is, but nobody can explain it. It's the same with love".

That's very true. But the film is still depressing.

Men in Black 3 (4½ Stars)

I'll take a few days break from Harry Potter. There are other films I want to watch, and apart from that watching the films in a row makes them feel like extended television episodes. I missed "Men in Black 3" in the cinema, and I finally got round to buying the DVD this week. I couldn't resist the temptation to watch it, having loved the first two films. When the film was in the cinema I read a lot of negative reviews, so I sat down to watch it with mixed expectations.

The first 10 minutes made me groan. It seemed like a parody of the first two films. But after that it settled down. I enjoyed the action, the comedy, and the time travel paradoxes. I decided to read reviews to see why people didn't like it, and I was surprised to find that the majority of the reviews are positive. Now I understand. A film's first reviews are by film critics, and the later reviews (after the DVD release) are by film fans like me. That explains it. The critics hate the film, the fans love it. That's something that happens a lot. I'll knock off half a star because of the weak opening scenes, but apart from that I would consider it a 5 star film.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (4¼ Stars)

I've been criticised for calling the first two Harry Potter films silly. First of all, I never called the films themselves silly; I just said they contained random silliness. To take just two examples, I thought the flying keys and the flying car which came and left of its own volition were silly. However, maybe the word "silly" is too strong. Maybe a better word would be "childish", which I don't mean in a negative way. Both the books and the films were intended for children, so childlike elements were appropriate. Children laugh when unexpected random events happen. So I apologize for my use of the word "silly".

Having said that, the third film doesn't contain any such childish elements. I have the feeling that the films, as well as the books they are based on,  are growing up with the characters. If "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" was written for 11-year-olds, this is a story for 13-year-olds.

Speaking of the characters themselves, Ron's face is now finally showing signs of maturing. Hermione's figure is showing the first hints of womanhood. But for me the biggest shock is Harry's Slytherin nemesis, Draco Malfoy, played by Tom Felton. He looks so different in this film that I at first doubted he was being played by the same actor.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (4 Stars)

An enjoyable film, especially the final showdown. On the other hand, the film still has some of the silliness of the first film. Maybe the problem is that I'm not putting myself into the mindset of the targeted age group? Maybe, maybe not. When I was 13 I was reading novels by Somerset Maugham and poetry by Rod McKuen. I don't think I would have liked J.K. Rowling's books.

It's interesting to me to see the physical development of the main characters from the first film to the second. It fascinates me to see the changes as children mature into adults, so I'll be paying attention to it over the course of the next films. Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) himself has changed the most. Between the first and the second film his face became less round. He's lost his baby fat. Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley) has shot up in height, but his face looks the same. Emma Watson (Hermione Granger) hasn't changed at all.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (4 Stars)

This is the first of the Harry Potter films, based on the book of the same name. In America both the book and the film are called "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone". The name was changed because the publisher thought that American children were too stupid to understand the original name of the book. They would think that the book is about philosophy, not magic. Since this statement was made by an American who obviously knows best I shan't argue with it.

The casting of the three main characters, Harry and his two friends Ron and Hermione, was either an act of inspiration or genius. It must have been immensely difficult to pick three children aged 11 who could be expected to act proficiently for the next eight to ten years. 12 years have now passed since the original film, and the success speaks for itself. Over the course of the eight films the three children developed into young men and women with enormous talent.

Of the other actors I'll just mention Maggie Smith. I was especially happy to see her in the role of Professor Minerva McGonagall. She already proved herself to be the perfect schoolteacher in "The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie", made 30 years earlier. She now seems to be reprising her role.

Over the next few weeks I shall review some, maybe all of the Harry Potter films. I haven't read the books, so I'm in no way biased by having to compare the films with them. What I enjoyed most about the film I watched today was the school atmosphere. The concept of a traditional English school being used for teaching magic is splendid, and it was well realised. What I enjoyed least was the random silliness, such as the flying keys.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (3 Stars)

"Ghost Rider" was one of the best comics of the 1970's. It was well written and well drawn, and it had more of an edge than the Marvel comics of the previous decade. This film, in comparison, is a shambles. The only thing in its favour is that the special effects are slightly better than the first film. Apart from that, the story is silly and the acting is dreadful. There's already talk of a third Ghost Rider film. It can only get better. Can't it?

It's a shame, because the Ghost Rider character has such promise. The series is in serious need of a reboot. As much as I usually like Nicolas Cage, he's totally wrong for the role. We need someone 20 years younger with long blond hair.

Shadowlands (4 Stars)

Now how would I sum up my feelings about this film in four words? I can think of something, but it's so trite that I'm ashamed to even say what it is.

The film tells the true story of the relationship between C. S. Lewis and Joy Gresham. It begins in 1952, it shows their marriage in 1956, and it ends with her death in 1960. Opposites attract. He was a stuffy Oxford professor, still a bachelor in his 50's. She was a brash modern woman, recently divorced. He was a man with a deep Christian faith. She was an atheist and a Communist. Tragedy struck. Soon after their marriage she was diagnosed with cancer. The few years they had together were the happiest of Lewis's life, but after her death he lost his faith in God. Whether he found his faith again is a matter of dispute, since the only book he wrote after her death, "A Grief Observed", gives conflicting statements.

I had trouble relating to the first half of the film, which presented Lewis in his background at Oxford. Even though it only took place 60 years ago the world shown is so remote to me that it seems like scenes from hundreds of years ago. Maybe this is because Oxford University follows traditions that are rooted in the distant past. Lewis, as portrayed by the great Anthony Hopkins, is such a cold, reclusive character that it was difficult for me to find any sympathy with him. It wasn't until the second half of the film that I started to enjoy it. I was deeply moved by the emotional power of the love the two felt and Lewis's emotional decay after his wife died. I recommend the film to my readers, if you can put up with the slowness of the first half.

Django Unchained (5 Stars)

Who was that nigger?

I felt tempted to end the review there, just to annoy one of my regular readers. You know who you are. But I do have more to say about the film, so I'll carry on.

After going to see "The Life of Pi" yesterday, this is the second time in two days that I've been to the cinema. I don't think I've ever done that before. I may never do it again. I'm not a regular cinema-goer. It costs a lot, so I wait for special occasions. It has to be a film that I expect to like a lot, and also a film that's visually spectacular. "The Life of Pi" and "Django Unchained" both fulfilled these conditions.

As my readers already know, I'm a big fan of Quentin Tarantino. He can't do wrong in my eyes. Any new film he makes is a big excitement for me. But he can still surprise me. This film had more comedy to it than any film he's made so far. Even the shootout at Candyland was comical in the midst of the flying bullets.

I approached the film with some trepidation, I admit. Jamie Foxx is one of the worst actors I know, so I groaned when I heard he would have the lead role. I needn't have worried. Once again Tarantino has coaxed the best out of a second-rate actor. I've always disliked John Travolta, but in "Pulp Fiction" he was perfect. And what about Michael Madsen? He's never made a good film, except for those directed by Tarantino. In my opinion this is the best film of Jamie Foxx's career, and he'll never reach this height again. Unless, of course, he stars in Tarantino's next movie.

I'm sure Tarantino had "Blazing Saddles" in mind when he wrote the film, but he doesn't push it. The references to "The Wild Bunch" and "Birth of a Nation" are stronger. There even seemed to be an incestuous nod to Tarantino's own "Kill Bill" in the Candyland shootout. Maybe my readers can point out other film references. Please leave comments.

There's been a lot of controversy about the use of the word "nigger" in the film. Supposedly it's used 113 times. The alleged overuse of this word has led some people to call Quentin Tarantino racist. Others have said that he has no feeling for the suffering of blacks in America, so his portrayal of them is heartless. The first statement is obviously wrong. The film is set in a racist society, so racist words are used. It isn't a racist film, it's a film about racists. There's a big difference. And the black guy wins in the end. So to call Tarantino a racist is just ridiculous. As for Tarantino not having any feeling for black suffering, the same could be said of any white man. But Tarantino is a director who accepts input from his actors. Whatever he lacked, due to his skin colour, has been added by Jamie Foxx, Samuel L. Jackson, and maybe by other black actors in the cast.

I've had the idea that I might make a whole month of four word film reviews. Like my review for "Boxhagener Platz" and the review I almost made for this film. The only problem is that it might be too difficult. In the case of these two films the words just came to me naturally. They were so obvious as a mini-review. I might not always have the inspiration. But let's see. I'll tentatively name March my Four Word Review Month and see how it goes.

Boxhagener Platz (4 Stars)

That too was Germany.

The Life of Pi (4½ Stars)

I saw this film in the cinema today. I enjoyed it greatly, but I didn't see the spiritual aspects of the film until I sat and thought about it later. I need to watch it again before I write a longer review. I'll just make one comment now. Other reviewers write about the question of what really happened. As I see it, the whole point of the film is that it doesn't matter what really happened. When the writer sees Pi's wife and says "So the story has a happy ending", Pi replies "That's up to you. It's your story now". Believe what you will.

Click here to view the trailer. Despite the colourful images it fails to capture the essence of the film.

Leap Year (3½ Stars)

Anna Brady is a successful career woman from Boston. Her boyfriend Jeremy is a heart surgeon. They've been dating for four years, but Jeremy still hasn't proposed. When he travels to Dublin for a conference, Anna hears about an Irish tradition that women can propose to men on February 29th in a leap year. She flies to Ireland to surprise him, but due to bad weather the plane lands in Wales. She takes a boat to Dingle, and a local inn-keeper offers to drive her to Dublin. On the way she starts to have feelings for the driver. And you can guess the rest. It's a standard romantic comedy with a road movie mixed in.

On the positive side, I love the Irish scenery in the film. On the negative side, I can't stand Anna's character. Her personality and her social image sum up everything I hate about America. "If you have money, flaunt it". The film received bad reviews from critics, but it was a box office success. Audiences are fickle. How did "Dark Shadows" and "Rock of Ages" flop while this weak film made a profit?

The film was made in 2010, but when does it take place? The last Feb 29th on a Monday before 2010 was 1988, but it couldn't have been that year because Anna has a Blackberry. So the year must be 2016. It's curious that the film was set so far in the future. Or maybe the writer just didn't think it through.

Click here to view the trailer, which gives a nice impression of Ireland's beauty but gets the calendar wrong. That shows Feb 29th on a Thursday, which would be 2024.

Bettie Page: Dark Angel (3 Stars)

This is a strange film. It's supposed to be the true story of the final years of Bettie Page's career, 1955 to 1958, but it provides very little information. It seems to be an excuse to recreate some of Bettie's best known films. These remakes are good, very true to detail, but what's the point? They offer nothing new. Any true Bettie Page fan would rather watch the originals, despite the scratches. If anybody wants to find out more about Bettie I would recommend "The Notorious Bettie Page", made a year later in 2005. I'll review it later this year.

Thirst (2 Stars)

This is a Korean film. I don't like Korean films. That must come as a shock to my regular readers who know me as an open-minded film fan who will watch anything. In my defence, I watched "Thirst" today. So why don't I like Korean films? Am I being racist? Let me try to explain.

Most of the films I watch are American films. That's probably true for most of my readers. But I also watch a lot of foreign films, such as German, Japanese and Chinese. I've watched enough of these to recognise a general national style. It's not easy to put into words, it's often just a feeling, but when someone tells me something like "X is a German film" I know roughly what to expect. German films are thoughtful and educational. Chinese films have lots of vibrant colours, whether they're action or romance films. Japanese films have darker colours and move slower than Chinese films. Norwegian and Swedish films rely on the atmosphere for effect rather than character development. English films have some sort of social relevance, they relate to life in England. I'm not saying that these differences are fixed. "The Bible Code" is German, but it has a very American style. "The Eye" is Chinese, but it has a Japanese style. I've watched a lot of French and Spanish films, but I haven't been able to see a pattern. I've watched a few Korean films, and there's something about them I don't like. They have a rough edge. I can't quite describe it, but this film has it too.

If I knew I didn't like Korean films, why did I buy this one? I had read very good reviews about the film, but the main reason was that it was a vampire film. My fascination with vampire films borders on obsession. Unfortunately, I found out today that it isn't what I would call a real vampire film, and I was disappointed.

Sang-hyun is a Catholic priest. He travels to Africa to take part in an experiment to find a cure for the Emmanuel Virus. The experiment fails, all 500 participants in the experiment contact the virus and die. But Sang-hyun comes back to life. The reason is that he had been given a blood transfusion with blood taken from a vampire. He returns to Korea and he's greeted as a miracle worker. Sick people beg him to lay his hands on them. He claims to have no healing powers, but miraculous cures occur and his fame spreads. At the same time he finds that he can only stay alive by drinking blood. Since he is still a man of God he avoids killing anyone by siphoning blood from comatose hospital patients.

Sang-hyun begins an affair with Tae-ju, a childhood friend who is now married. She drinks his blood and becomes a vampire. Together they kill her husband, but he returns to haunt them as a ghost. Tae-ju goes on a vicious killing spree which disgusts Sang-hyun.

I've described the plot at such length to give you an idea of how bizarre the film is. If it had been made in Japan it would have had a different "feeling" to it. As it is, it did nothing to change my prejudices towards Korean films. My guest writer Kaylena has already expressed her liking for Korean films. Maybe she can give it a more positive review.

Click here to view the trailer.

Flowers of War (4 Stars)

This is a film about the Nanking massacre of 1937. Like "John Rabe", it's a true story, based on the memories of one of the survivors. The two films take place in the same city at the same time, the second half of December 1937, but they have nothing to do with one another.

Christian Bale is John Miller, an American undertaker who is called to bury the priest who ran an American convent school. Due to the Japanese attacks he barely makes it there alive. In the convent he finds only terrified Chinese girls aged between 12 and 14, and a 10-year-old boy who had been adopted by the priest. John feels responsible for the children, so he pretends to be the new priest in order to negotiate with the Japanese. While he's there a group of prostitutes take refuge who had escaped from a Chinese brothel. Together they have to fight to survive in the face of overwhelming Japanese brutality.

This is a darker, more depressing film than "John Rabe". When the film started, for the first half hour, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is another five star film". As it continued I was disturbed by the repeated rape scenes. To put it bluntly: the Japanese intended to kill every man, woman and child in the city, so why not fuck the women first? They considered the Chinese to be subhuman, on a level with animals, so they had no rights. Nevertheless, the rape and murder scenes turned my stomach, so I've deducted a star. People less sensitive than me will enjoy the film more.

General: Why do I blog?

I was recently asked the question: "Mike, why do you bother writing a blog? Nobody reads it anyway".

Let me deal with the latter statement first. Nobody reads it? Look at the 3000 pageviews per month. I can tell by the search terms used that find my blog that a lot of people are searching for downloads of films, not reviews, but I'm still confident that at least half of the hits are from people who really want to read my blog.

Now to the actual question. I have a few answers. One is that I like to discuss films. It's very enjoyable to watch a film with someone else, then sit and talk about it afterwards. Unfortunately I have very little opportunity to do so. I live with my daughter, but the last time we sat and watched a film together was six months ago. My original intention in writing a blog was to get feedback from my readers and start online discussions. This aim has been unsuccessful, I get very few comments.

I want to point out new films to my readers. Most people have their preferences, and they don't look much further. Some people only watch new films, i.e. what's in the cinema now. Others only watch action films, while others only watch romances. I like to show people that there are other films out there. There are many good foreign films, especially German. There are high quality pornographic films, good enough for people to overcome their prejudices.

But one big reason for this blog is that I like to think of it as a "footprint in the sand". One day I shall be dead, and all the people who knew me will be dead. I shall be gone and there will be no evidence that I ever existed. If I had lived 100 years ago there would have been no way to avoid this. Today we live in the information age. Whatever I write is stored. As time goes by the amount of data will grow exponentially and whatever I've written will disappear into archives. But it will still exist, and the chances are that one day 500 years from now a historian will find my words at random while researching. He will see my footprint in the sand, and even though he knows nothing about me my words will leave an impression.

What to do in case of fire (5 Stars)

This is the last film that I'm reviewing for my Five Star Month. That makes it 41 films. Or maybe I should say it's 40 films, since I shouldn't include "Sweeney Todd" in the total. Either way, it's more than I expected. I thought I would be reviewing between 20 and 30 films. It's been a fun month for me, watching so many of the films I love most back to back. It's also been a successful month. My monthly readership figures have gone over 3000 for the first time ever, which is quite a success since my previous record was 2715. I should have theme months more often.

My readers must have noticed that my last four films this month (including this one) are German films. But how many of you have noticed that all four take place in Berlin? Berlin, Berlin, the proud metropolis in the heart of Europe that used to call itself Europe's capital, much to the annoyance of London and Paris. That was in the first half of the 20th Century. The post-war division and isolation of Berlin negated its claim to European supremacy, but now it's struggling its way back. It certainly is a marvellous city, rich in cultural heritage, a city that everyone should visit at least once before he dies.

This is a film that I like more each time I watch it, and I'm glad that it's been released in America. Admittedly, the earlier scenes of the film might be difficult for non-Germans to understand. Indeed, they might even seem foreign to Germans from other parts of the country. In the 1960's and 1970's there was a strong terrorist scene in Germany, which enjoyed sympathy from a large section of the German population. I mentioned this in my review of "Baader Meinhof Complex". This scene fizzled out in most of Germany, but it continued on a smaller scale in West Berlin. There were many people who called themselves "autonomous radicals" who frequently demonstrated against the police. Yes, they indulged in terrorist activities such as planting bombs, but unlike the Baader Meinhof Group they tried to avoid killing or injuring people. The main issue that the radicals protested about was the housing market and the house owners who they referred to as "speculators". The reason for this was that West Berlin was an island, surrounded by a wall, with a large population in a finite space. Every house that stood empty made the problem worse. It was common for houses that were left empty to be occupied, and attempts by the police to evict the squatters were made difficult by the large amount of sympathy the squatters had. This situation, commonly called the "Hausbesetzerszene" ("house occupier scene"), ceased to exist as a movement after the reunification of Germany in 1990.

The film starts in 1987. Six friends live in a house they are occupying in Machnow Street, Berlin-Kreuzberg. They have established themselves as a special film crew in the scene. They make films on subjects such as "How to make bombs", as well as documenting demonstrations and examples of police brutality. In 1987 they plant a bomb in an empty villa on the outskirts of West Berlin. Since it's too far from the city centre and impractical to occupy they would rather destroy it than have it left empty. But the bomb fails to explode. Time passes. Germany changes. In 2000 the villa is entered for the first time, and the bomb explodes.

But what has happened to the six friends after all these years? Tim and Hotte are still occupying the same house, safe from eviction because Hotte is a cripple and can't be legally evicted. Maik has founded a advertising agency and lives a life of luxury. Robert has become a lawyer. Nele is a single mother with two children. Flo has become a member of Berlin's high society, and has dated rich men who have taken her around the world. When Tim realises that the police have evidence, their own films, that would identify them as the ones responsible, he calls the six back together for one last desperate act of self-defence: they have to break into Berlin's highly fortified main police station to destroy the evidence.

The film is brilliant on so many levels. While ostensibly a film about political unrest, it's really a film about friendship, and a character study in how friendship can survive even when people change. When the film starts we see six young idealists, fighting for what they believe in. 13 years later three of them (Maik, Robert and Flo) have been seduced by wealth and have become part of the system they once opposed. Hotte still lives in the past, sentimentally watching films of his old protests before he was crippled. Tim is torn between the old world and the new, but Hotte is his anchor in the past. Nele is always broke and is simply struggling to survive. The story becomes all the more fascinating as they slowly rekindle their friendship while planning their biggest ever attack.

I can relate to the film myself. For a short while I lived in a commune in Berlin-Kreuzberg, close to the street shown in the film. Even though I was never a radical, I knew people who were and sympathised with their aims. But for me it's a broader issue. When I was young I had ideals. I rejected the comforts of society and promised I would never let money rule me. I would always be "alternative". I went to work, and in the first few years of my career I remained true to myself by living simply. Then I got married, which was the biggest change in my life. My wife had never been an idealist like me, and I adapted to her way of thinking. We lived in a large apartment, we had comfortable furniture, we had two cars, we went on holiday abroad every year. The excuse was that I had children and needed to give them the best. There's always a way to rationalise broken promises, especially promises that I made to myself.

My marriage broke up, unfortunately. Despite doing all I could to adapt myself to her my wife drove me away. I still love her and would gladly take her back if she could once more become the cute little 20-year-old I first met. I mean her attitude, of course. Without her I attempted to hold onto my life of luxury, but it all came crashing down. There were the changes that I alluded to in my post about "Pleasantville". Now I have a new chance. I can proudly lead a life without luxury. It depends on definition, of course. Some people would call my computer and my DVD collection luxuries; for me they are necessities. I certainly don't have as much unnecessary stuff as I did during my marriage. I shall die poor, I know that. But I shall die happy, knowing that I've been given a second chance to be true to myself.

Wie Feuer und Flamme (5 Stars)

I don't know how many films have been made about lovers divided by the Berlin Wall. Probably a lot. It's a very good topic for a film. The only other film I've reviewed so far is "Liebe Mauer" ("Beloved Wall"). In my opinion "Wie Feuer und Flamme" ("Like Fire and Flame") is the most powerful film made so far. I'm really sad that it has only been released in German. It's a film that everybody should see.

The film was made in 2001, long after reunification, but it's set in 1982, a time when people thought the Berlin Wall would stand forever. Penelope Kaufmann is a schoolgirl from West Berlin, a typical shallow teenager who likes to party and go to discos. Her world changes when she visits East Berlin for her grandmother's funeral. After the funeral she hears loud music playing at a fairground, and she stumbles on a group of punks. She falls in love with Andreas, the singer in a punk band, and travels repeatedly to visit him. But as you can imagine, this relationship is soon noticed by the German secret police.

East Germany's music scene was suppressed for a long time. It's no coincidence that since reunification the most innovative rock and electronic groups come from the former East Germany.

Run Lola Run (5 Stars)

This film is considered by most Germans, critics and film fans alike, to be the best German film ever made. It typifies the often repeated statement:

"American films are intended to entertain the viewer. German films are intended to educate the viewer."

I admit that this is a generalisation and there may be exceptions on both sides, but as someone with an extensive knowledge of German cinema I have to agree with the statement. German directors want to make the audience think. Sometimes they want them to think about the past, such as the Second World War or the division of Germany. Sometimes they want the audience to go home and think about metaphysical concepts.

This film falls into the latter category. At its heart this is a treatise on chaos theory. A simple occurrence can make a difference between life and death, and change the lives of all those connected. The same story is told three times. Lola (Franka Potente) gets a phone call from her boyfriend Manni (Moritz Bleibtreu). He has lost 100,000 Marks ($60,000) from a drug deal, and if he doesn't pay it back within 20 minutes he will be killed. He plans to rob a supermarket, but Lola thinks she can get the money for him by asking her father, a bank manager, for a loan. So she runs through the streets of Berlin to get the money and give it to Manni.

When Lola runs down the stairs of her house she meets a youth with a vicious dog on the stairs. The first time she runs past them. The second time the youth trips her. The third time she jumps over the dog. This simple action, how she gets down the stairs, has drastic consequences. In the first case Lola dies, in the second case Manni dies, in the third case Lola's father dies. There are also big changes in the lives of people that Lola meets.

A repeated symbol in the film is the circle. Clocks, the circular stairway, the rotary phone, the roulette wheel. I'm not sure what this means. The cycle of life? Death and rebirth? The film opens with Sepp Herberger's famous words, "After the game is before the game". These cryptic words refer to football, and mean that if you lose there's always another game. There is also a quote from T. S. Eliot: “At the end of our exploring we shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all of our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."

Click here to view the trailer.

Downfall (5 Stars)

This is without a doubt one of the best films ever made, not just one of the best war movies. It shows the last two weeks of Adolf Hitler's life through the eyes of his secretary Traudl Junge. As with all good films based on true stories, the film doesn't pass judgement on its characters. Instead, we see the bizarre events of April and May 1945. The generals are begging Hitler to leave Berlin to avoid capture. Eva Braun is dancing on the tables while others flee. In the final hours soldiers sit at tables getting drunk while officers are killing themselves in adjacent rooms. The most gruesome scene is Magda Goebbels killing her six children because she doesn't want them to grow up in a world without National Socialism.

Hitler himself is played by Bruno Ganz in the performance of his lifetime. Over the years I have seen many actors portray Hitler, but none as perfectly as here. Ganz must have studied Hitler's mannerisms extensively to imitate them so well. While the film doesn't hold back from showing Hitler's ruthlessness and anger, it also shows the warmer sides of his personality that appealed to the young secretary and made her regard him as a father figure. For instance, when several girls applied for a job as secretary he chose her because she was from Munich. He didn't even interview the other applicants, even though Traudl performed dreadfully when he tested her typing skills. Judge for yourself:

Click here to view the trailer. I'm sorry that I couldn't find a better version on YouTube. For some reason this film has been over-parodied with false subtitles to the original German dialog.

Monster (5 Stars)

This is another great film that I haven't watched for years. When I saw it again today it was as fresh as new. It's the true story of Aileen Wuornos, who gained notoriety in the 1990's for being a serial killer. She was a prostitute who killed seven of her clients.

As evil as Aileen might have been, the film presents her in a non-judgemental way. It concentrates on showing us her personality and leaves the viewer to make up his own mind. We see her hopes and dreams, and how she failed in life. We see her gradual decline as a killer: the first killing was self-defence, the second was in anger, the third was premeditated. And more than anything else we see her relationship with Selby Wall, a young lesbian that she met in a bar.

Charlize Theron won an Oscar for her performance as Aileen Wuornos. This was the pinnacle of her career so far, and it will be difficult to achieve anything anywhere near as good in the future. It's also the best performance I've ever seen by Christina Ricci, who plays Selby. They were born to make this film.

Click here to view the trailer. It's a bit too long and gives away spoilers, but it should give you a good impression about the film.

Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens (5 Stars)

This was Russ Meyer's last film, made in 1979. Ironically, it was the first film of his I saw. I still remember going to watch it at a cinema on Stuttgart's main street, the Königstraße, which is now known to the world after being shown in "The Avengers" (or "Avengers Assemble", or "Marvel's Avengers Assemble", or whatever they finally decided to call it). The cinema was next door to a comic shop I used to visit, Heinzelmännchen, a great shop which unfortunately closed down in 2005. But let's try to keep to the subject. The film was advertised with a series of photos of nude women outside the cinema. I shook my head, amazed that a porn film should be shown in a serious cinema on the main street. In those days I was less open-minded than I am now, I disapproved of pornography. A day or two later I read a review of the film in the local newspaper, the Stuttgarter Zeitung, praising the film enthusiastically as a political satire. I thought I should give it a look. And I wasn't disappointed. From then on I watched all of Meyer's previous films in the cinema. (German cinemas frequently show older films, not just new releases).

The film's plot may sound seedy, but look below the surface. Lamar Shedd is a young man from Smalltown, Texas, doing a university correspondence course, despite his IQ of 37. He can only find satisfaction by having anal sex, much to the distress of his wife Lavonia. Lamar works for Smalltown's main business, Sal's Junk Yard, where old cars are recycled to make Polaris missiles. Sal is a tough boss, threatening to fire any employees who don't have sex with her. Lavonia also has sex with Lamar's colleagues, since she doesn't find any satisfaction in doing it Lamar's way. The film's soundtrack is German wartime marching music and Christian hymns.

The film is a sequel to "Supervixens". We see the return of Martin Bormann, who now owns the local Christian radio station, Rio Dio, "100,000 Watts of healing power". Since the last film he's developed a taste for having sex in coffins. His partner is Rio Dio's host, the faith healer Eufala Roop. The film's narrator is Lute, the farmer from "Supervixens". His family is now involved in incest, but what else can we expect in small town America? The film ends with the promise of another sequel called "The Jaws of Vixen", a film that was never made.

The film breaks through the third wall, in a meta-film style. As the film draws to a close the narrator speaks to Russ and draws him into the film. From this point Russ takes over the narration himself. Maybe Russ suspected this might be his last film. He shows some distress that the film crew has gone home and he's been left alone on the set. The only person left with him is Martin Bormann, lying asleep in his coffin.

Russ Meyer lived another 25 years after making this film. He announced that he had plans to make a mammoth film, an eight-hour epic, but it never happened. When his friends encouraged him to make more films he sadly said that nobody was interested any more; people only wanted pornography, not art. Russ's films had evolved from the nudist films of the early 1960's. Lots of nudity, but no explicit sex. Those days had gone, in his opinion. I disagree with him. If he had continued to make films in his own style, without compromises, people would still have watched them. There is a big gap left in the film world since his death, or rather since 1979. We need another Russ Meyer. Doesn't anyone out there have the talent and the vision to pick up where he left off?

As a certain popular book tells us, "A prophet is not accepted in his home town". Russ Meyer is American, but very few of his films have ever been released on DVD in America. He has much greater popularity in Europe than in America. In America it's mostly film freaks who know and admire him. In the TV series "Dawson's Creek" Russ's name was mentioned in conversation several times, usually by Dawson, the aspiring film director. I wonder how many of the viewers knew who he was talking about.

Sweeney Todd (4½ Stars)

I'm afraid that I slipped up here. This should have been my Five Star Month. "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (to give it its full title) isn't quite as good as I remembered it, so I had to deduct half a star. While it's enjoyable, as are all films made by Tim Burton, it doesn't quite live up to the other musicals I've watched this month, "Evita" and "Tommy". The film loses some of its quality by not being sung 100%. The spoken interludes deduct from the film's power. Nevertheless, Tim Burton portrays London with a bizarre gothic beauty. I would still recommend that my viewers watch the film.

The story is allegedly based on the life of a real criminal, though many people doubt that Sweeney Todd really existed. Johnny Depp stars as Benjamin Barker, a barber who is sentenced to 15 years in Australia by a judge on a false charge, because the judge wanted his wife. After his sentence he returns to London using the fake name Sweeney Todd, and he once more works in his old barber's shop. More than anything else he wants revenge on the judge, especially when he finds out that the judge is holding his daughter Johanna as a prisoner in his house.

Sweeney allies himself with Mrs. Lovett, his landlady and the owner of the pie shop below where he works. After he kills another barber who threatens to expose him as Benjamin Barker Mrs. Lovett suggests that he should give her the body as meat for her pies. Over the next few weeks he kills many of his customers to help her business. Helena Bonham Carter is deliciously evil as his accomplice.  The viewer can feel some sympathy for Sweeney himself, but Mrs. Lovett has no redeeming qualities.

This is a good film, a very good film. But it doesn't quite deserve the full five stars. Watch it and decide for yourself.

Click here to view the somewhat overlong trailer.

John Rabe (5 Stars)

This German film was called "City of War" when it was first released in England and America. The Americans obviously couldn't make their mind up, because a year later it was reissued with the name "John Rabe", so you can now find the DVD in shops with both names. I hope nobody is confused and buys it twice.

This is a true story about a forgotten war and a forgotten hero. It tells the tale of John Rabe, the head of Siemens in Nanking (China), and how he managed to save more than 200,000 lives in December 1937. Before this film was made almost nobody in Germany, America or any other western country had heard of him. And yet in China children learn about him in school, as the greatest German hero of the 20th Century. I asked a friend of mine from Hong Kong if she knew John Rabe, and her reply was, "Yes. Doesn't everyone?"

John Rabe was born in Hamburg in 1882, and started a career at Siemens. In 1910 he was sent to China, where he worked in several cities before finally being made the head of the Siemens factory in Nanking. He was a patriotic German, and as such he was a member of the Nazi party and supported Adolf Hitler unquestioningly. On the other hand, he had a great love for the Chinese people, an affection which went further than an employer-employee relationship. When the Japanese invaded Nanking he felt responsible to protect not only his workers, but also the whole of the city. He did this by relying on the power of the Swastika. Japan was Germany's ally in 1937, so they held back and didn't attack anyone under the protection of the German flag. He set up a security zone which was a safe haven for the Chinese within the city. Though intended to hold 100,000 people, it eventually contained more than 200,000 people, maybe as many as 250,000.

So why was this great man forgotten outside of China? The reasons can be seen in what happened to him next. In early 1938 he was called back to Germany and immediately arrested. Because of his criticism of the Japanese he was considered a traitor. After the war his problems were not over. Since he had been not just a passive party member, but also an outspoken supporter of Hitler, he was not allowed to work by the allied powers. He and his family lived in poverty. He only survived because he was sent monthly food parcels from China.

The film doesn't hold back in showing the atrocities of the Japanese occupiers. They didn't recognise the Geneva Convention, so they executed any Chinese soldiers that they captured. They raped young girls and cut off men's heads for sport. They were every bit as evil as the Germans, but there is a big difference. The Germans have admitted their crimes, but the Japanese deny their atrocities ever happened. Independent authorities estimate the Japanese slaughtered about 300,000 civilians in Nanking; the Japanese call this an exaggeration and claim it was only about 200 people. (Not a typing error, I really mean two hundred). After the war there were war tribunals with Japanese generals put on trial and executed as war criminals. The generals associated with the Nanking massacre were posthumously pardoned in the 1980's. The official view of the current Japanese government is that the Nanking massacre is merely an invention of Chinese propaganda.

I fully realise that I've only written about the facts behind the film, not the film itself. All I can say is that it's a powerful film worth watching. Five stars! Click here to view the trailer.

Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold (5 Stars)

This is trash cinema at its best, and easily the best film Fred Olen Ray has ever made. If you had asked me 10 years ago I would have said this was my favourite film.

 As soon as the opening music starts you know this is something special. The eerie music is reminiscent of 1930's horror films. Or maybe it's an original horror film score. Does anyone recognise it?

The plot is simple but good. Angel Grace is one of three models in the short list for the Centerfold of the Year. She thinks her breasts are too small, so she tries out an experimental beauty enhancing potion. The potion is too effective, it doesn't just increase her bust size, it makes her whole body grow. The final scene where a second model enhances herself and the two battle in downtown Los Angeles while people flee in terror is just too delicious. As a horror/monster movie parody this film is brilliant.

The Bible Code (5 Stars)

I admit it, this is a really obscure film. It's a German film made for television in 2008 that has never been released in English or even with English subtitles. It received several awards, but even in Germany it has met with mixed responses from the public. If you look at the reviews on Amazon.de half of the reviewers say it's brilliant, while the other half say it's awful. Why are the opinions so strongly divided? In my opinion the film is exciting, the story is fascinating, and the acting is first rate. And yet many reviewers call the film boring, the plot unbelievable and the acting poor. How can they criticise the acting after the leading actress has been given best actress nominations for her performance? I'll summarize the plot first before I attempt to answer the question.

First of all, the film has absolutely nothing to do with "The Da Vinci Code", a film based on a novel by Dan Brown. "The Bible Code" is loosely based on the theories of Michael Drosnin and his book of the same name. Very loosely. Drosnin made the theory that secret messages are hidden in the Bible that are only found by rearranging the letters of the original text. This is effectively the opposite of the conspiracy theories in "The Da Vinci Code". Drosnin's theories assume that the Bible is a divine document which contains messages hidden so intricately that only God could have inserted them, whereas "The Da Vinci Code" is about messages hidden by Leonardo Da Vinci that undermine the truths of New Testament Christianity.

Johanna Bachmann is a policewoman in Munich, Germany. She is suspended from duty for using excessive force in the line of duty. On the same day she receives a phone call from a man claiming to be her father, who she has never met before. Before they can meet he is gunned down, so she investigates him and finds out that he was a theologian who had been doing research for the Pope. He had deciphered a prophecy that a great disaster is imminent, but evidently there are people trying to silence him. Her investigations lead her across Europe to Austria, France and Italy. On the way she meets with orders of monks who are following different agendas in the upcoming events. Johanna herself plays a key role, since she has been named in the prophecies.

Let's stop there. I think I've said enough to make it clear why people criticise the film. It's a problem of religion. The film assumes that God exists and is guiding the lives of Johanna and the other principal characters. This alienates non-believers who watch the film, and they say the plot is unbelievable. The film also shows that leading men in the Catholic Church are evil, which alienates believing Catholics. On the other hand, the film still tells us that the Catholic Church represents God on Earth, so it alienates believing Protestants, and also those who believe in other religions. The film's subject matter turns everyone against it. This biases people against accepting the high quality of the acting and the cinematography. All I can say to my German speaking readers is that you should clear your mind of religious prejudices. This film is a masterpiece of German cinema on so many levels. Watch it and try to enjoy it.

Pleasantville (5 Stars)

For some reason I haven't watched this film for a long time. Years. I'd almost forgotten about it. But this is an amazing film, thought-provoking from beginning to end.

It's a fairytale, beginning with the words "Once upon a time". David and Jennifer are brother and sister (maybe twins), two high-school children of the 90's, but totally different in their personalities. Jennifer is the cool popular girl in class, dating boys, and no longer a virgin. David is an outsider who avoids dealing with the ugliness of reality by engrossing himself in a 1950's television series called "Pleasantville". One Friday night David and Jennifer fight over the television's remote control; David wants to watch a Pleasantville marathon, Jennifer wants to watch a concert on MTV with her boyfriend. (Note for my readers: the film was made in 1998 when there was still music on MTV). The remote control breaks, and a mysterious television repair man immediately appears at the door who gives them a replacement. As soon as he leaves they continue to struggle with the remote control, when suddenly they find themselves inside Pleasantville, dressed in 1950's clothing, and in black and white.

David and Jennifer have now become Bud and Mary Sue Parker, the children of George and Betty Parker, the main characters in the television series. David already knows the episodes inside out, so he quickly works out where they are in the series' chronology, and he advises his sister to play along with the situation until they find a way to escape. Unfortunately Jennifer doesn't conform to the world's moral code. Instead of just holding hands on her first date with Skip Martin, leader of the school's basketball team, she performs oral sex with him. This creates a rupture in the universe, and colours begin to appear. At first David tells her to stop, but then he begins to introduce his own changes by encouraging Bill Johnson, the owner of the soda shop, to be independent and paint.

People begin to change their ways, the young people first, and then the adults. Reflecting the inner changes, they turn from black and white into colour, one by one, while inanimate objects gain colours at random. The changes aren't just in moral issues, such as the teenagers beginning to have sex, which they had never done before. Actually, the parents had also never had sex. Their children had just appeared from nowhere. Everything not shown in the television episodes didn't exist until David and Jennifer introduced it into their world. But there are other changes. For instance, the children begin to read books, much to the disgust of the town's elders. Pleasantville's mayor considers sexual promiscuity and reading books to be equally abhorrent.

Change is resisted, but change wins. Gary Ross, the film's director, wants to present personal change as the catalyst for changing society. "This movie is about the fact that personal repression gives rise to larger political oppression, that when we're afraid of certain things in ourselves or we're afraid of change, we project those fears on to other things, and a lot of very ugly social situations can develop". I can see this message in the film, but to me personally the element of personal change is what I take from the film. There's a conversation between Bud and Mr. Johnson:

        Bud: "People change."
        Mr. Johnson: "Can they change back?"
        Bud: "I don't know, I think it's harder."

This is something I've experienced in my own life. 12 years ago I went through a very big change in my life. The change wasn't voluntary, it was forced upon me by a very bad person, probably the most evil person I've ever met personally. I tried to change back later, but it was impossible. At the time I was suffering from depression and asked to be admitted to hospital for help. For a week I was doing well and improving. Then a psychiatrist, Dr. Jeremy Kenney-Herbert, transferred me to another hospital where my life was put at risk by being surrounded by violent patients. At first I accused Dr. Kenney-Herbert of incompetence in misdiagnosing me, but as time progressed I recognised that he was acting with malice. For reasons I can only speculate he hated me and wanted to hurt me. I lost 17 months of my life when I could have been discharged after a few weeks and returned to work.

Do I hate Dr. Kenney-Herbert? No. If I hated him I would lower myself to his level. He couldn't act any differently. He commits evil because it's his nature. I was unfortunate that I crossed his path, that I was put under his control at the time in my life when I was most vulnerable and least able to defend myself. I'm sure that over the years he has ruined the lives of many who have crossed his path. I can be thankful that I've now moved on. I've become a stronger person despite his attempts to destroy me. But I've also become a changed person. I didn't like the changes at first, but I now accept them. I won't attempt to change back.

I've been putting off writing a full report of my time in hospital. At first I delayed it because it was too traumatic for me to write about. Then I told myself I should leave the report until a significant date, such the 10th anniversary of my discharge. When that time arrived I didn't write it out of laziness. Maybe I should do it next month when my Five Star Month is over.