Bad Johnson (3 Stars)

I've been aware of this film for a long time. It must have been on my Amazon "Save For Later" list for at least two years. I finally bought it last week, because the price had dropped to less than three Euros for the Blu-ray. That was an offer I couldn't refuse.

Richard Johnson is a 28-year-old personal trainer who works in a gym in Chicago. I didn't realise it was such a well paid job. He has a luxurious apartment. One of the perks of the job is that he's surrounded by beautiful women. However, it's not just a perk, it's a problem. He wants to have steady relationships, but he can't resist temptation. No girl will put up with him.

I mean, just look at this gorgeous girl called Jamie. He's dating her for six weeks, until he has a car accident. He tells her that he only has minor injuries, but when she examines him she finds teeth marks on his penis. It turns out that the woman in the other car was aroused by the clash of metal on metal, so they had sex on the back seat of his car before they called the police.

Poor Jamie. And poor Richard. He realises too late what he's lost.

That night he lies in bed alone and cries out, "My dick is always leading me astray. I wish it would go away!"

His prayer is answered. When he wakes up in the morning it's gone. His sex life is over. But that's not his biggest problem. His penis has turned into a man.

A man turns up who claims to be Richard's penis. That might sound difficult to believe, but he convinces Richard, because he can remember everything his penis has ever done. The man doesn't have a name, so he calls himself R.P. That stands for Richard's Penis. Of course.

R.P. moves in with Richard, and he goes wild. He has no qualms at all. He has sex with every woman he can lay his hands on. Richard looks on in horror when he sees his dick acting like a dick. (I had to slip that joke in. Sorry).

Richard hates R.P. but he doesn't want to throw him out. He keeps him around while he searches for a way for the two of them to reunite.

It's a silly film with silly humour, but it has some charm. I somehow doubt I'll watch it again, but it was good value for 2.88 Euros. In America it's only been released on DVD, but Germany has honoured the film with a Blu-ray release. The Germans have more respect for trash.

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