Monday, 25 November 2019

Rare Exports (5 Stars)


This is my 17th horror film for November 2019. It's also a Christmas film. Am I allowed to do that? Christmas is only a month away, exactly one month, so it must be okay by now. We're almost there.


The film claims to be about the real Santa Claus. He's not a friendly old man who bounces children on his knee and gives them presents. He's a monster who eats little children, after beating them to tenderise the meat. As the story goes, he was trapped underground on the Finland-Russian border hundreds of years ago. Now he's escaped, and his loyal elves, who have been waiting all this time for his return, are gathering children, so that he will have something to eat on Christmas Day.

The film's tone is serious from beginning to end. By pretending not to be a comedy, it's all the more hilarious. You might not laugh out loud while you watch it, but you'll have to chuckle when you think about it afterwards.


I'm sorry to say that the film is now out of print. If you live in America, you can watch it on Amazon Prime. In other countries you'll have to look for it on Ebay.

Merry Christmas!

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