WWF 1997.05.11 - In Your House: A Cold Day In Hell

Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia

Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Today is Mother's Day. Jerry Lawler says that he's sitting next to the kind of man his mother told him never to associate with. I have sympathy for Jim Ross having to put up with these insults every week.

Match 1. Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Flash Funk

Flash Funk comes to the ring first. Once more he comes to the ring alone, without the Funkettes. Jim Ross says there are rumours that they refuse to appear because they've been threatened by Chyna.

It's not just the women who're threatened by Chyna. Footage is shown of the previous evening's edition of Shotgun Saturday Night. In a match between Triple H and Mankind, Chyna delivered a so-called low blow to Mankind, i.e. a punch to his balls.

This wasn't enough to stop Mankind fighting, so she followed it up with a hard kick to his balls. This finished him off.

Triple H was disqualified, but Chyna didn't care. The look on her face shows that she enjoyed what she'd just done. "Chyna 3:16 says I just kicked your balls".

But let's get back to today's match. Flash Funk shows more speed and agility than Triple H, but it's effectively a two-on-one contest. Whenever the referee is distracted Chyna hits Flash Funk from behind. Triple H pins Flash Funk and wins the match.

After the match Chyna picks up Flash Funk, carries him across the ring and drops him on the ropes.

I don't know what that feels like, and I don't want to know.

While Flash Funk is writhing in pain, Chyna looks down disdainfully.

Match 2. Mankind vs Rocky Maivia

Todd Pettengill interviews Rocky Maivia before the match begins. He gives a brief recap of Rocky's career. His WWF debut was on 17th November 1996. He won the Intercontinental Championship on 13th February. He lost the Intercontinental Championship on 28th April. Todd asks Rocky if he thinks his success came too quickly. Most wrestlers would have been angry after a question like that, but Rocky isn't like most wrestlers. He calmly answers that he learnt a lot from winning and even more from losing. Now he's determined to fight his way back to the top.

Mankind and Rocky Maivia are two very different wrestlers. Rocky is a sound technical wrestler, while Mankind is an eccentric, wild fighter. It's a hard, fair fight. Mankind applies the mandible claw and pins Rocky. He still has more to learn.

Jerry Lawler aptly sums Mankind up: "You can say he's deranged. You can say he's a lunatic. But I think he's a genius".

Match 3. Ahmed Jonnson vs Nation of Domination (Crush, Savio Vaga, Faarooq)

This is a gauntlet match. Ahmed Johnson has to defeat three members of the Nation of Domination in a row. If he wins, Faarooq has promised to disband the Nation of Domination. Before the match Ahmed is interviewed by Todd Pettengill. Ahmed tells Todd that he wants to face Faarooq first.

The ring is surrounded by the wrestlers of the Nation of Domination. Gorilla Monsoon insists that they all wait at the entrance to the arena, with the exception of the wrestler who's fighting.

Ahmed's first opponent is Crush. Ahmed wins, but it's a very close fight. Crush is an excellent wrestler when he fights fairly. He should leave the Nation of Domination and fight all his matches without interference.

The second opponent is Savio Vega. Ahmed Johnson is obviously weakened by his fight with Crush, but he continues valiantly. Savio hits Ahmed with a chair, so he's disqualified. The referee tries to send Savio away, but he carries on hitting Ahmed's upped leg with the chair.

When Savio Vega finally leaves the ring, the third and final opponent is Faarooq. Ahmed Jonson slams him, but he's too weak to make the cover. Faarooq pins Ahmed, winning the gauntlet match.

Match 4. Ken Shamrock vs Vega

Todd Pettengill has been getting a lot of screen time today. He interviews Vader, who says that Ken Shamrock knows nothing about pain.

The WWF's veteran  ring announcer Howard Finkel announces the fight. It's a no-holds-barred contest that can only be won by knockout or submission.

Ken Shamrock comes to the ring, and he's all business. He kicks Vader's legs to weaken him, then he puts him in submission holds. Vader's standard defence is to fall back against the ropes, because holds have to be broken on the ropes. In my opinion, that doesn't make sense. If there are no disqualifications, why should they break holds on the ropes? Ken is a clean wrestler and immediately lets go of Vader when told to by the referee, but when Ken is on the ropes later in the match Vader doesn't let go of him. You see the problem?

Vader is a powerful brawler. He pummels Ken Shamrock with his fists, but Ken fights back. Eventually Ken puts Vader in a leg lock in the middle of the ring, and Vader submits. Maybe the reason is that the referee Tim White is between Vader and the ropes, so Vader couldn't crawl to the ropes. Whatever it is, Ken Shamrock wins his first official match in the WWF.

Match 5. WWF Championship, Undertaker vs Steve Austin

Todd Pettengill interviews Steve Austin before the match. He tells him that the Hart Foundation will be at ringside in five front row seats that they've booked with their own money. Steve says he doesn't mind, because it means they'll be all the closer to him when he attacks them.

Steve Austin comes to the ring first. In his typical anti-authoritarian style he threatens the referee. Earl Hebner doesn't back down. Some of the younger referees are intimidated by the wrestlers, but Earl Hebner is never afraid. He's been paid to do a job, and he does it, whatever the cost.

The Undertaker enters the ring, but the match is delayed while Bret Hart and his family enter the arena. They can't be sent away because they've bought tickets like everyone else. That's what Jerry Lawler says, but it's not true. Any arena retains the right to refuse entry on their own discretion.

One thing about the Undertaker: he's probably the best wrestler the WWF has ever had. I don't mean his wrestling skills. What I mean is that he never breaks character, not for a second. He's always the Undertaker and never Mark Calaway.

Steve Austin tears into the Undertaker before he even has a chance to take off his championship belt. It's a hard fight between the two equally matched competitors. After knocking the Undertaker over, Steve Austin leaves the rings and pulls Owen Hart off his seat and over the guard rail. He continues hitting him until the Undertaker comes and knows Owen back into his seat. Jerry Lawler says Steve should be suspended for attacking innocent fans. Typical.

Steve knocks the Undertaker flat on his back. He pins him, and Earl Hebner begins to count, but he stops when the bell rings. Brian Pillman is ringing the bell to stop the count. While Earl is arguing with the Hart Foundation the Undertaker stands up again. There's about thirty seconds of hard-hitting action, in which both the Undertaker and Steve Austin have winning chances. Then the Undertaker applies the Tombstone, and he pins Steve Austin for the win.

The Hart Foundation rushes into the ring and attacks the Undertaker. Steve sees that Bret Hart is still sitting in the front row, so he climbs over the guard rail and knocks Bret's wheelchair over. He takes one of Bret's crutches, climbs back into the ring and uses it to attack the other Hart Foundation members.

The Undertaker is declared the winner, but it isn't over for Steve Austin. He stuns the Undertaker, then takes the crutch to chase the Hart Foundation up the ramp.

The broadcast ends with Jim Ross wishing everyone a happy Mother's Day, especially the McMahon family, whose relative Rose Anderson died yesterday. There's some confusion about how she's related to the McMahons, and I haven't been able to find the answer.