World's End (5 Stars)

This was doubtless the best film of 2013. Nothing else came close. It's unbelievable that it hasn't received a single Oscar nomination. I won't say anything about the plot in this post, because I already described it last year, so if you haven't seen the film yet read my post from July 2013.

Today was the second time I watched it. I excitedly unpacked my shiny new Blu-ray Disc when it arrived in the mail. I've just got through all the special features, except for the commentaries. There are THREE commentary tracks. I hope they're all interesting. Unfortunately there's no commentary by Quentin Tarantino this time round. His commentary (actually more of a conversation with Edgar Wright than a commentary) on the "Hot Fuzz" Blu-ray is amazing.

I only noticed today the connections with a royal quest. Gary is King Arthur, Steve is a prince, Andy is a knight, Pete is a page, Oliver is a chamberlain. If you remember their respective roles while watching the film it all makes sense.

Here are the first 11 pubs of the Newton Haven Pub Crawl in order.

1. The First Post

2. The Old Familiar

3. The Famous Cock

4. The Cross Hands

5. The Good Companions

6. The Trusty Servant

7. The Two Headed Dog

8. The Mermaid

9. The Beehive

10. The King's Head

11. The Hole In The Wall

The Woman in Black (4 Stars)

I'm reviewing the 2012 version of this film starring Daniel Radcliffe as Arthur Kipps. My guest writer Con already reviewed it here. I still haven't seen the original version, so I'll judge it on its own merits.

The London lawyer Arthur Kipps is sent to the town Crythin Gifford in the far north of England to deal with the estate of Alice Drablow, a woman who has recently died. He is told by the locals that nobody will buy her house because they think it's haunted. Arthur doesn't believe in the supernatural and dismisses the stories, but when he's there he sees a mysterious woman in black clothing wandering in the grounds, and sometimes even inside the house. Soon after his arrival mysterious deaths occur. He remains in the town, not just to do his job but also to solve the mystery.

This is one of the new Hammer horror films that have been recently released, and will hopefully continue to be released. I have to say then, with some shame, that the film has never been released in England in its original form. The BBFC (British Board of Film Classification) originally gave the film a 15 certificate, so the studios cut 82 seconds from the film in order for it to be given a 12 certificate. (Some reports say only 6 seconds were cut, while 76 seconds were darkened to hide details). The censored version is what was shown in the theatres and released on DVD in the UK. That's disgusting. Ironically, even after the cuts were made there were many complaints from parents who thought the film unsuitable for 12-year-olds. It was necessary for me to buy the film from Germany, where the film has been released uncut with a 16 certificate.

This is selling out at its lowest level. I don't blame the BBFC. They have their guidelines, and even if I don't always agree with the decisions they make, they're only doing their jobs. I am opposed to film studios dumbing down a film just to increase the box office takings by allowing younger visitors. They should be ashamed of themselves, sacrificing art for the sake of money.

I don't know whether any cuts were made to the American version. Can anyone tell me?

Run Fatboy Run (4 Stars)

The film begins with Dennis (Simon Pegg) on the day of his wedding to his pregnant fiancee Libby (Thandie Newton). Overcome with fear (and, as we find out later in the film, an inability to finish anything he has started), he climbs out of the window and runs away. Five years later Dennis is still single. Luckily he is still on speaking terms with Libby, who is bringing up her son Jake as a single mother. Jake idolises his father, forgiving him for any mistakes he has made or continues to make.

Dennis is happy with this situation and wishes it would last forever. But not Libby. She's swept off her feet by Whit (Hank Azaria), a rich American businessman, and it looks like marriage is only a few months away. Dennis decides to fight to get Libby back. Whit is a dynamic person, in both his business and his personal life. Among other things, he takes part in the London Marathon every year. Dennis decides to prove he's just as good a man as Whit by running in the Marathon as well, even though (1) he's overweight, (2) he only has three weeks to train and (3) the deadline has expired for registering for the Marathon.

As a comedy I find the film only slightly funny, but it's very uplifting and encouraging. It's a story of how a person who is a failure in life can succeed against seemingly impossible odds. And it's a romantic film, a good choice to watch on Valentine's Day.

On another subject, even though I bought my first Blu-ray player in 2010 (May 12th 2010, a few months before I started this blog) I've been buying mostly DVDs rather than Blu-ray discs. When given a choice of buying a DVD or a Blu-ray I've chosen the cheaper of the two, which is usually (though not always) the DVD. I've rebought a few of my favourite films on Blu-ray, such as the Spider-Man trilogy, but to be honest it's been very few. After almost four years of owning a Blu-ray player I only have about 40 films on Blu-ray, compared with over 1600 films on DVD. Over the last few days I've watched a few films on Blu-ray, such as "Avengers Assemble", "13 Hrs" and "Run Fatboy Run". I've decided that the quality difference is enough to make it worth buying films on Blu-ray, even if they're slightly more expensive. After all, the price of Blu-rays today is less than I was paying for DVDs in 2002.

Of course, I'll stick to the general guidelines that I laid out in a detailed post on Blu-ray discs in September 2010:

• 2006 to present: Blu-ray is better quality
• 1996 to 2005: Blu-ray may be better, especially in big budget productions
• 1995 and earlier: Blu-ray is not better

This means that I'm willing to pay a pound or two more for Blu-ray releases of newer films, but I'll only by films older than 1995 on Blu-ray if they're cheaper than the DVD.

For those of you who watch most of your films on your computer with a streaming service like Netflix, let me put things into perspective. The quality of Netflix films is superior to DVD, but only if they are well mastered, and only if you are using a high quality monitor or television screen. DVD pictures have a vertical resolution of either 480 or 576 pixels, depending on whether they are encoded in NTSC format (used in America) or PAL format (used in Europe). Netflix's high definition films are broadcast with a vertical resolution of 720 pixels, which means a big improvement for American viewers (50%), but a lesser improvement for European viewers (25%). However, the majority of Netflix customers in both countries don't use a viewing device that is sufficient to give a noticeable improvement over DVD.

Blu-rays have a vertical pixel resolution of 1080 pixels. This is a noticeable improvement over both DVDs and Netflix. If you are a real film fan you won't be cheap and stick to Netflix, at least not for your favourite films. Blu-ray is the only choice for top quality pictures.

Body Chemistry 3: Point of Seduction (4 Stars)

Dr. Claire Archer has now moved up in the world. Her face is well known as the host of a television show in which she gives advice to people with sexual problems. But her past is catching up with her. Freddie, who worked with her in the laboratory in the first film, was fired from his job for drinking, so he is attempting a new career as a screenwriter. He approaches a film producer, Alan Clay, with a script based on Claire's life. The first draft shows her as an innocent victim of violent men, but after the contract is signed Freddie makes investigations into her time at the radio station (the second film) and comes to the conclusion that she is a killer. He tries to expose her, but by this time Claire has already begun an affair with Alan. As always, she prefers sex with married men.

An added complication is that Alan's wife Beth, the leading actress in a television soap opera, reads Freddie's script and becomes determined to play Claire's part in the film. Fascinated by the script, she becomes increasingly like Claire off the screen.

In the first two films Dr. Claire Archer was played by Lisa Pescia. In this film the role is played by Shari Shattuck, who has a degree of similarity, but is more attractive. Overall the acting is better than in the other two films, probably due to Jim Wynorski taking over as director.

Off-Topic: The English Semicolon

This is a semicolon. We all know this curious form of punctuation. We see it in books and magazines every day, but how many of us use it when we are writing letters or emails? Do we even know how to use it? Recently I read the statement:

"The only purpose of the semicolon is to let your readers know you have been to college".
 
Ironically, that's not so untrue. But let me state what it is and what it does. There are two uses of the semicolon:

(1) It links two gramatically complete sentences to contrast.them.
(2) It breaks up a list whose elements include commas.

The second of these is the simplest to explain, so I'll deal with it first. Usually when we present a list we separate it with commas, for instance:

"My favourite cities are Berlin, Paris and Moscow".

If, however, we want to specify the countries these cities are in, which the English would only do for smaller towns, but the Americans frequently do for large cities, we would write:

"My favourite cities are Berlin, Germany; Paris, France; and Moscow, Russia".

This list would be unintelligible if we used commas instead of semicolons.

Now for an example of the first usage:

"People who live in the country drink cider; people who live in the city drink beer".

The obvious question when reading this sentence is, why not use a full stop instead? (In America a full stop is called a period). The answer is that you can. In all cases where a semicolon separates two sentences a full stop could be used. It's still obvious from the context that two sentences are being contrasted, but it's no longer emphasised by a grammatical marker, the semicolon. In fact, it's also possible to separate two contrasting sentences with a comma, though this is only considered good style in the case of short sentences, for instance:

"Men drink beer, women drink wine".

It's important to note that the sentences on either side of a semicolon must be complete, and they must be in a contrasting relationship to one another. That means that the following two sentences are false:

"People who live in the country drink cider; whereas people who live in the city drink beer". (A comma is needed).
"People who live in the country drink cider; Frank drinks a lot of cider". (A full stop is needed).

But getting back to what I said at the beginning about semicolons being a sign of a college education: I agree. Despite protests by people who want to save the semicolon, it is never essential in separating sentences. If you aren't sure when it's right to use semicolons, it's better to not use them at all. As for me, I went to university, and I want people to know that I'm well educated, so I shall continue to use semicolons in this blog.

Body Chemistry 2: Voice of a Stranger (3¾ Stars)

After the events of the first film Dr. Claire Archer has retired from scientific research. She is now working as a radio DJ, hosting a program from 9pm till 1am every day, in which she gives advice on sexual issues to callers. The calls are filtered, and she primarily gives advice on sadomasochistic questions. That is, after all, her main area of expertise.

One night a man calls in who says he can't control his violent urges, both in his professional and his private life. He used to be a police officer, but he had to leave the force because of excessive violence. He now wants to get back together with his ex-girlfriend, but he's afraid to get too close because he feels the need to hurt her. Claire meets him personally and tells him he can only be cured if he allows himself to be dominated. She ties him up and has sex with him while treating him roughly. He tells her afterwards that he didn't enjoy it, but over the next few days she meets him repeatedly, tying him up and forcing him into sexual games against his will. For Claire it's not a matter of helping him, she only wants to prove that she can dominate any man, however violent he might be.

This film doesn't quite live up to the first in the series, but it's still relatively enjoyable. My main problem with it is that most of the scenes are too dark, making them less explicit. It's true, the scenes take place at night, but I would have liked to see what was happening more clearly.

Body Chemistry (4 Stars)

After watching "Body Chemistry 4" for the first time in September I thought I would go back and watch the first three installments, all of which I haven't watched for many years. This film has been accused of copying "Basic Instinct", but it was actually made two years earlier. That just shows that there are no completely original ideas in films.

Dr. Tom Redding works in a research laboratory which investigates the chemical reactions in the body when test subjects are sexually stimulated. A nice job. Another company wants to investigate the correlation between the chemical reactions of sex and violence, and they send a consultant, Dr. Claire Archer, to work in Tom's laboratory. On their first day working together Claire ties Tom up and seduces him. He feels guilty, because he has a wife and son, but he's unable to resist her. Over the next few weeks an intense sadomasochistic relationship develops. Eventually Tom breaks off the relationship, but Claire takes revenge on Tom and his family, not because she really wants Tom, but because she doesn't like to be rejected. Tom decides to fight back, leading to a showdown between the weak man and the strong woman.

On a negative note, the DVD that I watched today is a double-sided DVD, with the first two "Body Chemistry" films on opposite sides. I hate that. I utterly despise double-sided DVDs. There's no excuse for them. At least there are no double-sided Blu Rays. I hope not, at least. If you intend to buy this film, please follow the link above (click the picture) which will lead you to a single-sided DVD release.

Hot Fuzz (5 Stars)

It's very difficult to describe the plot of this film without giving away too many spoilers, so I'll have to keep my description to a minimum.

Nicholas Angel is a highly successful London policeman. He arrests five times as many criminals as his fellow policemen. Both his colleagues and his superiors think he is making them look bad, so he is promoted to sergeant and transferred to Sandford, a village in Gloucestershire. This village has the lowest crime rate in the country, but in the week after he arrives five murders take place.

Today was the third time I've watched the film, and it gets better every time. It must be one of the best films ever made. I realise that my very brief plot description might not make the film sound attractive. It doesn't turn out the way you would expect it to when it begins. As I've said before, individually Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are great actors, but together they're perfect. Somehow they remind me of Terence Hill and Bud Spencer.

The town used as the location for the fictional village of Sandford is Wells in Somerset, the home town of the director, Edgar Wright. In one scene Edgar appears stacking shelves in the same Somerfield supermarket where he once worked stacking shelves. Many great actors appear in the film in small roles, some of them uncredited: Timothy Dalton, Edward Woodward, Martin Freeman, Cate Blanchett, Steve Coogan, Bill Nighy, just to name a few. Peter Jackson, best known for directing "Lord of the Rings", also appears briefly.

13 Hrs (3½ Stars)

This was pretty much a blind purchase. All I knew about it is that it was a British horror film. It was also on special offer, the cheapest Blu-ray I had ever seen. At £1.30 it cost me less than a DVD rental, so why not buy it? If I didn't like it I could throw it away.

The film begins with Sarah, in her mid 20's at a guess, coming home to spend her vacation with her family in England after living in America for a few years. Her parents live in a beautiful farmhouse in Surrey, miles from the nearest village. On arriving she finds out that her parents are in debt, and the electricity has already been cut off. Her mother has gone out, presumably to meet a secret lover. Her three brothers are having a party in the barn with her previous best friend and another boy. After a short while they return to the house to look for food, but they find Sarah's father dead, his body ripped to pieces. Some sort of monster is in the house, killing them one by one.

It's a passable film, worth the price I paid for it. I doubt I'll watch it again. Considering that it's a relatively short film, only 80 minutes long, it takes a long time to get started. The first 20 minutes are spent with the family arguing with one another, making me wonder if the film would ever turn into a horror. It was never explained why the film is called "13 Hrs". Maybe that's how long the night lasts at that time of year? In America the film has been released as "Night Wolf", which would make more sense. Except that the "wolf" in this film has no hair.

One small matter. Some people complain about gratuitous nudity in films. I have no problems with nudity as long as it makes sense within the context of the story. What bothers me about this film is that in one of the final scenes Sarah wakes up naked and then covers herself before standing up, even though she knows she's alone in the house. That makes no sense. It's gratuitous clothedness.

Jawbreaker (3½ Stars)

This film is usually compared with "Heathers", but I see it more as a cross between "Mean Girls" and "I know what you did last summer". Courtney, Marcie, Julie and Liz are the four "in" girls of Reagan High School, the stereotypical mean girls who have set themselves up as the style queens, but talk down on anyone else who dares to try to enter their clique. On Liz's 17th birthday the other three play a prank on her by kidnapping her and taking her to a bridge to photograph her in her underwear. Mean! They put a jawbreaker (called a gobstopper in England) in her mouth and tape her mouth shut to keep her quiet. On arrival at the bridge they see that she's swallowed the jawbreaker and has choked to death. They carry her back to her house and make her death look like she was a rape victim. A nerdy girl called Fern catches the girls setting up the "rape", but Courtney buys her silence by giving her a makeover and allowing her to take Liz's place in their clique. The trouble is that the makeover works too well. Fern now considers herself the school's most beautiful girl and looks down on the other three.

Four pretty young girls, attractive eye candy, but not a very strong story. I know that the film was meant to be a vehicle to promote Rose McGowan as a new sex symbol -- the film was made in 1999 -- but to me the most attractive woman in the film by far is Pam Grier, who plays the police detective handling the murder case. She outshines the younger competition even though she doesn't wear a short skirt or a low cut top. And watch out for a brief appearance by Marilyn Manson, in his second film role after "Lost Highway".

The Avengers (5 Stars)

This was the first time I've watched "Avengers Assemble" since almost two years ago, when I saw it in the cinema. It's a fantastic film that makes me impatient to see the next Avengers film. Apart from the scene where Captain America is using a gun on the helicarrier, of course. The films keep getting that wrong.

München 72 (4 Stars)

This film was made in 2012 and released to coincide with the 40th anniversary of the Munich Olympic Games. These were probably the most memorable Olympic Games ever. Germany allowed Jewish athletes to be slaughtered in a police operation that was bungled from start to finish.

On September 5th 1972 a group of armed Palestinians climbed over a fence into the Olympic village. They had keys to the building being used by the Israeli team because the Germans had allowed a Moslem to be a cleaning lady. Two Israelis were killed and nine were taken as hostages. The Palestinians demanded the release of 130 prisoners held in Israeli jails in exchange for the hostages, but the Israeli government refused to negotiate, leaving Germany to deal with the problem themselves. What followed could be described as a comedy, if it weren't so tragic. The local police weren't equipped to deal with terrorism, but calls for the German army to take over were rejected because it was "against the constitution". When the police began to station sharpshooters on the roof the Palestinians saw them because the police activity was being broadcast live on television. Finally the German authorities agreed to prepare a plane at a local airport for the terrorists to leave the country with their hostages. The plan was for policemen to pose as pilots and stewards on the plane and overpower the terrorists, but at the last moment the police refused to obey orders and abandoned the plane on the runway. When the terrorists arrived at the airport and found the plane deserted the police sharpshooters delayed too long and gave the terrorists time to kill all the hostages.

The only good thing that resulted was that Germany learnt from its mistakes. An elite police force, GSG-9, was created and trained specifically to deal with heavily armed terrorist attacks. This was the force that was sent into Somalia in 1977 to free the hostages being held at the airport in Mogadishu, an operation that succeeded without the harm of a single hostage.

This film has been criticised by critics in Germany who say that it's not as good as "21 Hours at Munich", an American film made in 1976 dealing with the same incident. I know that film well, and I wouldn't say that it's necessarily better, it's just very different. The American film tells the story very factually, whereas the German film gives insight into the people who were involved, the hostages and their relatives. They're both good films in different ways.

Zombie Self-Defense Force (2 Stars)

It's a typical day in the woods in a holiday resort close to Mount Fuji. A film crew is photographing the beautiful idol Hitomi for her next DVD release. Two Yakuza members are burying one of their victims. The Japanese army is searching for a cave where a Japanese soldier called Kotodo committed harakiri at the end of World War Two, because his body never decomposed due to his immense hatred for the Americans. And in the resort's hotel a married businessman is planning to kill his lover because she is pregnant.

The army patrol finds a woman who has hanged herself in the woods. At that moment a UFO crashes. The hanged woman comes back to life as a zombie. The Yakuza's victim rises as a zombie, along with all the other people they have previously buried in the woods. Kotodo rises as a super-soldier. The survivors flee to the hotel, but the pregnant woman's baby has burst out of his mother's dead body and is flying from room to room killing everyone in sight.

There's a brief scene with zombie schoolgirls. If that had lasted longer I might have enjoyed the film more. As zombie films go, this must be one of the silliest ever made. Only recommendable to hardcore zombie fans.

P.S. The spelling of "defense" with an "s" is probably the American spelling that annoys me the most. I can tolerate "color" and "traveling", and I even write "favorite" myself, but "defense" looks totally wrong.

P.P.S. Even though "favourite" is the official British English spelling, "favorite" is acceptable as an alternative in England. I've read that even the poet William Wordsworth spelt the word without a "u".

Wolverine XXX (4 Stars)

This is the latest in the series of Axel Braun's "parodies" of Marvel superheroes. Wolverine is sent on a mission by SHIELD to capture Sabretooth for an undisclosed experiment. Domino accompanies him to make sure that Wolverine doesn't kill Sabretooth in the course of the mission. Spider-Man also accompanies Wolverine as an uninvited guest, although he's more of a hindrance than a help. Only at the end do we find out why Sabretooth is needed. Nick Fury's motive is the protection of humanity, in particular the United States of America, but he often employs doubtful means to achieve his goals.

I'm often on the defensive when I review Axel Braun's films. My regular readers can't understand that as a serious film fan I also watch and review pornographic films. I've had two conversations on the subject in the last two weeks. However, the ones who criticise me are people who have never seen his films. It's true, Axel's films contain sexual scenes, scenes which are very explicit. However, he always shows great respect for the Marvel characters, something that's often missing in the official Marvel films. This is most obvious when looking at the costumes. He painstakingly reproduces the costumes from the comics. The most extreme example is Hawkeye, whose costume was completely changed in the official Avengers film. The official films also have the bad habit of the heroes repeatedly removing their masks, something they never do in the comics. Axel doesn't make this blunder. In "Wolverine XXX" Spider-Man never removes his mask once, not even during sex.

It's a matter of having an open mind and not being a snob when it comes to films. A good film is a good film, whatever genre it belongs to. My advice to my critics is to watch some of Axel Braun's films and make up your own minds. Maybe you'll like them, maybe you won't. The main problem is that they're made with a relatively small budget, so the special effects aren't of the same quality as Hollywood blockbusters. But watch them with an open mind before you judge.

Incidentally, isn't it good that Wolverine and Spider-Man can appear in the same film? That's what continuity is all about in the Marvel Universe. In the official films this isn't possible, because the characters belong to two different film studios.

Shaun of the Dead (4½ Stars)

In many ways "Shaun of the Dead" is a typical zombie film. Except that it's a comedy. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are the comedy dream team. Individually they are great, together they're perfect. I love this film.

Off-Topic: Scottish Independence

I'm not Scottish. I was born in England, and so were my parents, my grandparents, and probably many generations before them. But if I were Scottish, I would vote to leave the United Kingdom and become an independent nation.

The arguments for independence are plain and simple. Scotland is a small country (about five million people) with enormous natural resources. I'm talking primarily about gas and oil, but there's also fishing. This will make Scotland Europe's richest country, comparable only with Norway.

David Cameron has already stated that if Scotland becomes independent the remaining countries of the UK (England, Wales and Northern Ireland) will inherit 100% of the UK's national debt, currently £1.3 billion. Scotland will be debt free. This will give the Scottish economy an enormous boost.

The first thing that the Scottish will notice after independence is the prices in the shops. Leaving the UK means leaving the European Union, so VAT (Europe's sales tax) will be abolished. The UK's VAT rate is 20%, so prices will drop by 16% overnight, including fuel and alcohol. Some Scottish politicians say that Scotland should apply to join the EU after independence, but when the Scots see that their whisky is £5 a bottle cheaper they'll rebel against EU membership.

Leaving the EU also means that Scotland will be able to deport any unwanted EU nationals by pushing them over the border into England. Scotland currently has higher unemployment than England, so the presence of European workers is resented more strongly than it is in England.

It won't be an overnight process, but Scotland will have to start handing out passports to its residents that it considers to be Scottish. The criteria haven't been fixed yet, but it will probably be something like "To be Scottish you, at least one parent and at least one grandparent have to be born in Scotland". Anyone who is unemployed and British but not Scottish will no longer be entitled to unemployment or sickness benefits. They will be forced to emigrate to England, lessening the burden on the Scottish economy.

Scotland can also look forward to a future as a tax haven. The lack of VAT will lead to companies setting up offices in Scotland. It will be just like the Channel Islands are now, except that it's closer. There will also be a lot of cross-border traffic of people in northern England taking advantage of the cheaper Scottish shop prices. I already mentioned that Scotland has higher unemployment than England. The new liberal taxation will create new jobs at all skill levels.

Those are the advantages of voting Yes in the Scottish independence referendum on September 18th 2014. Are there any disadvantages? Unless England builds a wall to keep the Scots out I can't think of any. Not for Scotland, anyway. Scottish independence will harm the English economy, which is why David Cameron is panicking. Whether the effect will be large or small is something only economics experts can speculate. But Scottish independence will be good for Scotland, and all Scots should vote Yes in the referendum. The only possible reason for voting No is if you live in Scotland but intend to move to England.

I'm not Scottish. I wish I were. The new independent Scotland will be the most exciting country in Europe.

Les Misérables (4 Stars)

I'm reviewing the 2012 version of the musical starring Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean. The original story stems from a novel written by Victor Hugo in 1862. Unlike other French novels the original title has been retained for the English version, since it is difficult to translate accurately. A musical based on the novel was first performed in 1980, in French. In 1985 an English language version was first performed in London. The original novel spends a lot of time discussing moral issues, but this is kept to a minimum in the musical. Nevertheless, the lessons are there to be learnt.

The story begins in 1815 when Jean Valjean is released from prison after serving 19 years hard labour for stealing a loaf of bread. Officially he is still on parole, so he has to report to the authorities once a month for the rest of his life. He is given food and refuge in a church, but he is tempted by the riches he sees. He steals the silver plates and flees. The police capture him and bring him back, but the church's priest says that he had given Jean the plates as a gift, and chides him for having forgotten the most valuable items, the silver candlesticks. This act of kindness changes Jean's life, but he also decides that he will never report for his parole.

In 1823 Jean is living under a false name in Montreuil-sur-Mer as a factory owner and the town's mayor. One of his employees, Fantine, is fired because she has an illegitimate daughter. Destitute, she is badly beaten and Jean finds her shortly before she dies. Since he feels guilty for her fate he promises to take care of her daughter, Cosette, as if she were his own child. But Inspector Javert, a policeman who knew Jean as a prisoner, recognises him. Jean flees to Paris and takes on another new identity.

Cosette living in poverty

The story continues in 1832. A revolution is being planned. Inspector Javert is sent to Paris, where he recognises Jean. The revolutionaries capture Javert and deliver him to Jean, but Jean releases him. He says that he bears Javert no ill will because he was only doing his duty. Javert gives no thanks, saying that he will return to arrest Javert after the revolution has been crushed.

There are many more details to the story, but I've only described what's necessary to understand the moral issues. Jean started out as a petty thief, only stealing out of desperation, but his time of imprisonment hardened him. When he was released he had become an immoral person, willing to steal even from some someone who was helping him, but the priest's act of forgiveness made him want to help others. It's wrong to say that Javert was a bad man. In one scene he is speaking to God, and we see that he honestly thought he was doing God's work in pursuing Jean. Javert's mistake was not seeing that a person can change. "Once a thief, always a thief". This is a mistake made by many today, Christians and others. Repentance can be a reality, but others who have "always been good" don't want to accept it and assume the change is only being pretended.

Jean, in the face of persecution, continues to do good. He lives to serve others, especially his adopted daughter Cosette. He even saves Javert's life when he has the chance, by letting the revolutionaries think he is already dead. A man who is truly good doesn't do good in order to gain a reward -- in this case a pardon from Javert -- he does good for its own sake. "Les Misérables" has a lot of lessons to teach us.

Fenster zum Sommer (4 Stars)

Nina Hoss stars as Juliane Kreisler, a Finnish translator living in Berlin. She's been living with her boyfriend Philipp for nine years, but she feels that their relationship is going nowhere. She leaves him and goes to live in a hotel. A few days later she meets an attractive man in a train, then continues talking to him while waiting to meet her sister Emily. Emily is killed in a traffic accident before her eyes. The man, August Schelling, comforts Juliane, and they become lovers. A few months later they travel to Finland together. They fall asleep, and when Juliane wakes up she's six months in the past. She's still living with Philipp, and Emily is still alive.

What does she do now? Can she save her sister's life? But if she does that, will she ever meet August? Maybe she should give her relationship with Philipp a second chance. The possibilities are endless. Everyone on this planet, with no exceptions, has done things that he regrets. We have all done things that we can't take back. Juliane has another chance. Will knowing the future make her life easier or more difficult?

When this film was released in 2011 it was shown in English cinemas with subtitles. Since then it has only been released on DVD in Germany, and the DVD has only German subtitles.

Drei (2 Stars)

"Drei" is the German word for the number Three, and the film has been released in America as "3". We've all seen films about love triangles. They're a standardly recurring theme, to name "Titanic" as just one example. In "Drei" the German director Tom Tykwer gives us a typically German twist on the idea.

Hanna and Simon are a couple who have been living together for 20 years. Hanna is a television reporter, Simon builds sculptures, made to designs from his customers. They have no children, but not from lack of trying. When Simon develops cancer and has to undergo chemotherapy they finally marry. But not everything is good in their relationship. Hanna interviews a man called Adam who owns a company specialising in artificial insemination. After she meets him again by chance at a football game they begin an affair. Simon also meets Adam in a swimming bath and begins an affair with him. We see Hanna and Simon lying awake in bed at night both dreaming about the same man.

Okay, I have to say this: although Tom Tykwer is one of my favourite directors, there were scenes in the first half of the film that were so ugly that I felt like turning off the film. I know cancer is ugly, but to me the hospital operation scenes were disturbing and totally unnecessary. I also fail to see the significance of cancer to the plot. I would have enjoyed the film a lot more if there had been no references to cancer. The film became better in the second half when it was just about the love triangle and the cancer was hardly mentioned, but I still can't recommend the film. Two stars is a generous rating.

Offset (3½ Stars)

Romanian culture from Mihai Eminescu to Iuliu Merca.

Brindusa Herghelegiu is the secretary and translator for a printing company in Bucuresti, Romania. She is having an affair with her boss, the owner of the company, Nicu Iorga. The company buys a new offset printing machine and hires a German specialist, Stefan Fischer, to supervise the machine's use. Brindusa falls in love with Stefan, but Nicu refuses to let go. He deliberately sabotages Stefan's work by using the wrong ink in order to discredit him. When Brindusa announces that she intends to marry Stefan and move to Germany the situation becomes critical.

This is a love story, but also a story about Romania. The capital city is run down and poor, but the people are proud. Nicu isn't just a spurned lover, he's a Romanian who is offended that someone has come from a rich country to take away a Romanian woman.

Bucuresti, as I know from my own visits, is the city of barking dogs. You can hear them day and night. This made the film interesting for my dog, Buster. He sat looking at it intensely, paying close attention to every sound. I've awarded the film 3½ stars, but he gives it 5 head tilts.

Buster, Film Critic

This is a German film, but large sections of the dialogue are spoken in Romanian, English and French. It's only been released in Germany, but the DVD has English subtitles.

Musical: Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (4 Stars)

Yesterday evening was my first ever visit to the live performance of a musical. I'd already seen this musical on film, but seeing it on the stage overwhelmed me. The colours, the songs, the dancing, the smiling faces, it was an unmissable atmosphere.

The story is very simple. Not much story is needed, it's all about the music. Adam is a hunter and trapper who lives in the mountains of Oregon. He goes down to the to the nearest town to find himself a wife. He sees Milly, the waitress in a restaurant, and after rescuing her from drunken customers she decides to marry him after only knowing him for five minutes. He takes her back to his hut, and she is shocked to find he lives with his six brothers, Benjamin, Caleb, Daniel, Ephraim, Frank and Gideon. It seems like his parents wanted 26 children, but they never got that far. Milly is distressed having to look after all seven uncouth brothers, so she teaches them good manners and how to dance so that they can go to the town and find their own wives.

Courting isn't as easy as the boys think. They set their eyes on six beautiful young women, but they return empty-handed because they have to compete with the local boys and get into a fight. Adam tells them that courting is useless, if they want women they should just go back to the town and grab them. Which they do. Some of the girls are knocked unconscious, while the rest are carried away kicking and screaming. They return to the cabin just before the pass is blocked by snow for the winter.

At first the girls are distressed. Milly looks after them in the house and makes the boys sleep in the barn. But as the winter progresses they fall in love with the six brothers.

Let's stop there. This is the only reason I won't give the musical a higher rating. It's a very anti-feminist story. Of course, I know it's a comedy, I know it's quaint, but it still gives a message that I strongly disagree with. Men should be real men and take women against their will, because that's what women really want, even though they don't admit it. Not even Milly's stance as a strong woman ruling over the household can cancel out the pervasive gender roles taught in the musical.

Nevertheless, it was an outstanding performance, in particular from the leading actors/singers, Alex Hammond and Helena Blackman. Alex, 23, is a local boy from Kings Heath, Birmingham, so he received special appreciation from the home crowd. Alex was originally cast as one of the townspeople, but after the leading man became sick he was catapulted into the centre stage. A brilliant performance.

Thor XXX (4 Stars)

Brendon Miller returns as Thor after first playing the role in 2012's "Avengers XXX". He fills the role so perfectly in looks and mannerisms that he could be a stand in for Chris Hemsworth. But the praise has to go to Axel Braun, as always, for his casting and costume design, not to mention the story. We see Thor's old enemies from the 1960's, the Enchantress and the Executioner. It's about time we saw them in the real Marvel films, but even then I doubt they would look as perfect as Nicole Aniston and Dick Delaware. I know I previously criticised Dick after seeing him in "This ain't Terminator XXX", but in this film he makes up for it. He's so perfect as the Executioner that I could hardly imagine anyone else playing him.

Most of all, in this film Axel Braun gets Heimdall's skin colour right. I have to say, emphatically, there are no dark skinned Gods or other residents in Asgard. They are the Gods of Norway, and it's a white-only community. However skilled Idris Elba might be as an actor, he was a very, very poor choice to be cast as Heimdall. No amount of arguments about political correctness can excuse this blunder.

I need to warn any of my readers who decide to buy this film that there is another film with the same name that was directed by Jordan Septo and released by Extreme Comixxx. There is a glut of porn parodies on the market at the moment, but only the ones directed by Axel Braun can be recommended. At the AVN (Adult Video News) Awards this year he won the award for best director for the fourth year running. Despite his modesty in his interviews it's obvious to everyone: he stands head and shoulder above his peers, bringing a level of quality into the porn industry that has never been seen before. I'm sure he would contradict me if I said this to his face. That's the sort of man he is.

Synecdoche, NY (5 Stars)

Cotard's syndrome is a mental disorder in which people hold a delusional belief that they are dead, do not exist, or are decaying. While this does not necessarily lead to schizophrenia, such people are detached from the world and have strong fantasies which they use to replace reality.

This is one of the best films ever made. The combination of Charlie Kaufman's brilliant story and the incredible acting by Philip Seymour Hoffman make it the perfect film. It's difficult to believe that it flopped at the box office. It cost $20 million to make and only earned $4 million. Roger Ebert called it the best film of the decade, and many other film critics said it was the best film of 2008. So what went wrong?

Maybe the film is just too complex for the average popcorn-munching movie-goer. The following review contains some spoilers, but not too many to prevent you enjoying the film after reading it. Make your own mind up whether you want to carry on reading after the picture below.

Philip Seymour Hoffman plays Caden Cotard, a New York playwright who thinks he's dying. He is convinced that he has cancer, that he's going blind and that he's having epileptic fits. The first time I watched the film I believed he really was ill, since we see blood in his stool, but after seeing it again I realised he was imagining it, he's only a malade imaginaire. Ironically, at the end of the film he's one of the last people left alive in a city of corpses.

Caden's wife Adele is a world famous artist who paints miniature pictures that can only be seen through a magnifying glass. At the beginning of the film she leaves Caden and goes to live in Berlin with their 4-year-old daughter, Olive. Shortly after this Caden's skills as a playwright are acknowledged by him being awarded a grant which is big enough for him to make the most extravagant play ever performed. He buys an enormous warehouse in which he rebuilds New York and gathers a cast around himself to make a play about his own life. Each day, as things happen to him, he adds new events to the play. After 17 years of rehearsing the cast members complain that he's still not finished and ready to invite an audience, but he asks them to persevere. After that the film doesn't give any details about the passing of time, but my guess is that he works on the play for at least 40 years.

During this time Caden has an affair with Hazel, a box office girl who he later promotes to producer. He gets married again to Claire, an actress. These are events featured in his play, so he has to hire actors to play himself and Hazel, but he asks Claire to play herself, much to her distress when the other Caden is touching her. The actor playing Caden makes a play about his own life, so he builds a warehouse inside the warehouse to use for a large scale play. After about 20 years Adele returns to New York. Caden goes to visit her apartment, but she isn't at home. A neighbour mistakes him for the cleaning lady, Ellen, and gives him the key. Over the next months (or is it years?) he visits Adele's apartment every time she goes out and cleans it for her. This too is featured in his play, although he uses a real woman to play Ellen. When the actor playing Caden commits suicide, Caden decides to give up directing the play and become the actor playing himself. The actress who had been playing Ellen takes his place directing the play, and she orders all of his actions, both inside the play and in the real world.

Whooo! Is that confusing? Yes. Is it brilliant? Yes.

Caden and Caden and Hazel and Hazel

The Boat that Rocked (4 Stars)

It's 1966. The greatest era for British rock & roll. But BBC radio plays less than 45 minutes of pop music a day.

Fortunately pirate radio stations are anchored in the North Sea. They play rock and pop 24 hours a day. And 25 million people, half the population of Britain, listen to the pirates every single day.

The 1960's were a weird time for music in Great Britain. A new music had emerged, independent of what was happening in the USA. Most notable were the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, but there were also underground bands playing blues-influenced music such as Cream and the Yardbirds. But if you sat and listened to the radio at the time you wouldn't know that it existed. The BBC, which had a monopoly of legal radio stations in Britain, only played classical music, easy listening or pop music acceptable to grannies (Tom Jones, Lonnie Donigan, Paul Anka).

The first and most famous pirate radio station was Radio Caroline, which began broadcasting in 1964. It broadcast music from a ship which was moored in international waters, so it didn't come under British law. Over the next few years many other ships copied the pattern. This was a great annoyance to the BBC, when they realised that half of the population listened to the pirates. The only way the BBC could survive was by changing to meet the challenge. On September 30th 1967 the BBC started a new radio station,  which they called Radio One, that played pop music 24 hours a day. More than half of the DJs hired for the new station were pirate DJs, lured away from the cold north sea waters by big salaries. The most famous of the ex-pirate DJs now working for the BBC were Tony Blackburn and John Peel.

Radio One was greeted with great optimism, but it didn't mean the death of pirate radio. An official top 40 playlist was imposed for all weekday daytime broadcasts, so during the day only the current hits were played. This secured a large audience, but it wasn't enough to make everyone happy. To make things worse, there were soon holes in the Radio One broadcasts, mainly in the mid afternoon, when there were no Radio One broadcasts, supposedly because there was no interest in pop music at those times. The holes were filled by broadcasts from one of the BBC's other stations, Radio Two, which played easy listening and big band music. At these times the pop fans had to turn their dials back to the pirate stations.

I admit that I watched "The Boat that Rocked" today as a tribute to Philip Seymour Hoffman, who died from a drug overdose yesterday. In the film he plays a DJ called The Count, presumably based on Radio Caroline's Emperor Rosko. This is a terrific film with a great cast of actors, but the ones who stand out are Philip Seymour Hoffman and Rhys Ifans. I won't say anything about the film here, except that it takes place in 1966. Watch it! You won't regret it.

P.S. For some reason the film has been renamed "Pirate Radio" in America.

Philp and Rhys, friends forever

Rock and roll will never die!

American Hustle (4 Stars)

I watched "American Hustle" in the cinema today. It's been in the cinemas a few weeks, so it was probably my last chance to see it. It's been nominated for 10 Oscars at this year's Academy Awards, including best film. 2014 seems to be a dull year for the Academy Awards. "American Hustle" is better than any of the other nominations, except possibly "Her", which I haven't yet seen. I doubt it will win the best film award though. The best film doesn't always win. Just look at "Argo" last year, which won the award for political reasons, although "The Life of Pi" was much better and everyone knew it. The Academy Awards are all about politics. My prediction this year is that "12 Years a Slave" will win, carried to victory by the white man's burden of guilt.

"American Hustle" is a cute but complex tale of love and deception in 1976. Irving Rosenfield is a small time conman working in New York City. Together with his partner, Sydney Prosser aka Edith Greensley, he is taking advantage of people in debt, because they are the ones desperate enough to believe in anything. He charges a non-refundable $5000 fee for getting them a loan, but of course he is never able to get them a loan. The FBI manages to bust his operation for fraud, but the ambitious young agent Richie DiMaso offers him a deal: if Irving can use his expertise to set up an operation that exposes four US politicians as corrupt he will drop the charges.

This is where the story gets complex. Carmine Polito, the Mayor of Camden, is trying to secure loans to rebuild Atlantic City after the recent legalisation of gambling. Irving is set up as a businessman to become Carmine's partner and bribe four US congressmen to give their assistance in the rebuilding project. But Irving doesn't trust Richie, so Sydney pretends to be in love with him to trick him. Irving becomes close friends with Carmine and begins to respect him when he realises that he's an honest man whose only wish is to serve the people, even if he sees bribes as an unfortunate necessity to help create new jobs in his city. Then the Mafia get involved in the deals, scaring Irving out of his mind. And did I forget to mention that Irving also has a wife who knows nothing of his dealings, even though she has her suspicions? As if this weren't enough, she falls in love with a Mafia boss. The chaos is complete.

This is a good film that I'll definitely watch again when I get a chance. Maybe I won't get so confused the second time round.

R.I.P. Philip Seymour Hoffman

Actors, especially great actors, enjoy a privilege denied to the rest of us. In their films they will be remembered forever.

Philip Seymour Hoffman
July 23, 1967 – February 2, 2014

Mein Kampf (4 Stars)

This is a film version of a play written by George Tabori, a Hungarian Jew. He was born in Hungary in 1914 and moved to Germany in 1932. In 1935 he emigrated to England and was given British citizenship. From 1947 to 1971 he lived in America. He then returned to Germany, where he remained until his death in 2007.

Why am I going into such detail about the writer's life? I think that knowing his background might avert any criticism that might be brought against the play and film for racist reasons. Germany has a long history of satire, and for many years German Jews were the ones responsible for most of satirical theatre productions in Germany. The Jews have proven themselves capable of laughing at themselves more than any other people.

The play tells the story of Adolf Hitler when he arrives in Vienna to study art. He moves into a men's hostel, where he is befriended by an old Jew called Schlomo. Overcome by his poverty and failure, Hitler attempts suicide, but Schlomo saves his life and cares for him as a father would for his son. Schlomo is one of the few who recognises Hitler's talent as an artist and does his best to support him. When this doesn't succeed he recommends that Hitler enters politics. Schlomo is an entertainer who speaks on the street. Hitler sits in fascination and learns to imitate his gestures for his own speeches. The title of the film comes from Schlomo's autobiography, which he has entitled "Mein Kampf", i.e. "My Struggle". Hitler likes the name so much that he decides to use it for his own book. At first Hitler accepts Schlomo, despite his prejudices against the Jews, but he begins to hate him when he sees that the girl he loves, Gretchen, prefers Schlomo over him. But however much Hitler turns against Schlomo, the old Jew forgives him and continues to help him.

The film isn't a comedy, but it is strongly satirical. Only a Jewish author could have the audacity to suggest that it was a Jew who inspired Hitler's future career.

The Bleeding (3¾ Stars)

Cheesy. Cheap. But somehow appealing. I can't help liking vampire films. Vinnie Jones is totally over-the-top as Cain, the vampire king. Michael Matthias might be the good guy, but he looks more like a Terminator than a vampire slayer.

The Princess and the Warrior (4½ Stars)

Okay, I admit it. I've named this post after the English release of the film instead of the original title to disguise the fact that I'm reviewing yet another German film. The sixth German film in five days. Don't blame me. It's not my fault that German films are so good.

The original title, as shown in the pictures above, is "Der Krieger + die Kaiserin", literally "The Warrior and the Empress". It's interesting that the title uses a plus sign, rather than an ampersand or the word "and". I'm sure that this was a deliberate choice in naming this love story, to show that together the two lovers became more than the sum of their parts.

It's a very surreal story. Despite being a natural story without any supernatural elements, many things happen in the film where I have to say, as the viewer, "That would never really happen". The first time I watched this film that was my main criticism. I treated such things as mistakes. After watching it a few times (I believe today was the third time) I'm more tolerant, and I can see that the director Tom Tykwer meant everything deliberately. But let's start from the beginning and describe this magnificent film.

Sissi Schmidt was born in a closed ward of the Birkenhof Hospital in Wuppertal, Germany, an institute for housing the long term mentally insane. Both of her parents were lifetime patients. After growing up surrounded by madmen -- I use that word for the sake of simplicity, please don't criticise me for it -- she never wanted anything else. She became a nurse, nominally to be able to help the people in the hospital, but actually as a means to remain with them. They are her friends, her only real friends. She lives in a small apartment within the hospital, in the same building, so she never has to leave, except to accompany the patients on shopping trips in the town. It could be argued that Sissi herself is one of the madmen. She's detached from reality. Her relationship to the patients goes further than caring for them as a nurse. For instance, she regularly masturbates Steini, a patient who was admitted after killing his mother.

While walking in town with one of her patients she's knocked over by a truck. A young man saves her life (with amazing first aid skills) and escorts her to a hospital, but disappears without leaving his name. After she is released she finds out his name is Bodo and tracks him down. She finds him living with his brother Walter in an isolated hut on a hill overlooking the city. Do you see what I mean by the surreal nature of the film? There are no roads leading to the hut, she has to walk across a field to get there, as if Bodo is living in a castle on the hill. She makes several attempts to talk to him, but every time Bodo rejects her and throws her out. It seems like Bodo is mentally ill as well. He has an (impossible?) habit of sleep walking at night and hugging a hot stone stove, not noticing that he is being burnt until his brother pulls him away.

As luck has it, when Sissi visits a bank a few days later she observes Bodo and his brother robbing the bank. Walter is shot, but Sissi flees with Bodo and hides him by taking him into her hospital and pretending he is a madman, an unregistered patient. This might have worked. Bodo could have remained a patient for life, which is what Sissi wanted, but Steini and the other patients are jealous of Sissi's new friend and rebel against him.

I absolutely love this film. It reveals what a genius Tom Tykwer is. Like me, you may need to watch it more than once to fully appreciate it. Give it a try.

30 Days of Night: Dark Days (4 Stars)

This is a direct-to-video sequel to "30 Days of Night", made in 2010, three years after the original film. The only person who returns from the original film is Stella Olesen. In the first film she was played by Melissa George, in this film she is played by Kiele Sanchez. While I think it's a shame that Melissa didn't return, I at least praise the film's casting crew for finding an actress who looks similar.

The film's name is misleading. The sequel doesn't take place in the Arctic circle, so there is no prolonged period of night and the days aren't dark. Never mind, I suppose the studios had to find some way to tell us this is a sequel. Stella is touring the USA giving speeches about what happened in Barrow, but being ridiculed wherever she goes. The vampires are too successful in hiding their existence. While in Los Angeles she is approached by three people who believe her, because they too are survivors of vampire attacks. They are in L.A. because they are hunting the vampire queen, Lilith. She is the one who coordinates all the vampire attacks in America, and if she dies the attacks will stop. The three people have heard that Lilith is in L.A. and want to recruit Stella to take part in their attack on her.

Overall this film has received worse reviews than the first. Critics consider the first film "good" and the sequel "average". I disagree. I consider the sequel better than the original. There is more of a plot, rather than a two-hour who-dies-next scramble. Apart from that, the vampires are sexier than in the first film. That applies to Lilith in particular, but there are other female vampires, and the vampires overall are more "human", not just running around like wild animals.